AIBU to tell my neighbour’s Year 6 child to stop walking to school with us?

[Msjamtoast]

I have two children, one in Year 4 and one in Reception. Every morning I walk them to school.
For the past two weeks, a neighbour’s Year 6 child has been coming along with us every morning. Our children know each other and sometimes play together locally, but the parents and I have never actually spoken. When the children play together, the parents don’t usually come out, so we’ve never met or had any arrangement about walking to school together.
The child told my Year 4 child that his mum had said it was dangerous for him to walk to school alone and that he should walk with us.
I’m uncomfortable with this. I’m already responsible for my two children, including a Reception child, and I don’t want to take responsibility for another family’s child.
If his parents feel he isn’t safe walking to school alone, I feel they should make their own arrangements rather than relying on us.
Would you tell the child he needs to make his own arrangements, or just let him continue walking with us?
Has anyone else experienced something similar with a neighbour’s child joining your school run?

I think a few posters are being unfair, apparently the boy's mum has explicitly told him that's it's not safe to walk on his own, yet she is neither accompanying him or even speaking to the people he is walking in with everyday. If this was a year 5/6 kid who's parent was happy for him to be unsupervised on the way (or had checked with the OP) then no problem tagging along.

Yes they do that at my Gcs primary school for all years. They line up in the playground and are released to parents.
In year 5 and 6 they are allowed to walk home alone if the parents have said they can

Why are people confusing the issue? 2 kids who naturally walk the same direction and get along and walk to school together is completely different to a mother telling her son to walk with another family without informing that family.
Surely you have enough brain cells to see the difference?

You are not responsible for him but you can’t stop him walking at the same time the arrangements are informal .

You obviously can't stop him walking next to you, but either they're lying, and the parent never said this, or the parents are terrible.

I had the reverse problem when DS was in year 6. He walked alone as per the school guidance. 5 min walk. He often walked out of school with his friend who walked past our house, plus friend’s mum and little sibling who did need supervising. At our house DS and his friend would say bye and friend would walk on with his mum and sibling.

More than once the mum caught up with me at a club saying “we walk your DC home as the road is so busy” (DS crossed at the school crossing with everyone else). Each time I replied that in year 6 he walks alone, he’s happy to, we want him to, and he enjoys chatting with his mate/your son who takes the same route.

DS knew not to expect anything and was free to walk a different route or go to the sweet shop etc.

Me and the other mum really saw this differently but I never asked or expected her to take charge of him, I think as her kids were younger she was in this mindset without being asked.

I think OP I’m just saying be mindful that the child hasn’t misunderstood something here - the mum may not have directed him into your care.

Unless you would stroll straight past a child who was in some difficulty so wouldn’t want to be seen with him and then perhaps stepping over him when he tripped or something, then I guess the problem is you are angry with his mother. Perhaps you think if she is too lazy to walk him to school why should you do it? But that would be exactly the reason you should do it. Not to make her life easier but because he obviously wants to walk with an adult and it costs you nothing.

There was a thread on here yesterday from a woman whose friend’s mother helped her in many ways as a child. It was really touching. The woman was amazing. Generous and incredibly thoughtful. We can’t all be like that but why would you refuse a child who has asked for your help

The issue is that nobody has a clue what that mother actually said to her son. She may have said nothing at all apart from giving him permission to walk to school on his own.

I really don't think there's much she can do at all with this.

Her wishes may be that she doesn't want him to walk with them but in reality she can't tell him he can't walk on the same pavement at the same time as them.

Is it causing you any issues at all?

I think it’s quite intrusive. I like chatting to my children on the way to school. Or using the time eg for times tables

OP it is quite normal in planning transition to secondary for parents to step back from walking their children to school. To build independence. But to want them to walk to school with friends and neighbours walking the same route at the same time. Not throw them in at the deep end. Asking you to do the school walk for them would defeat the purpose. They want their son to transition from parental school walk to walking with friends without parents making the arrangement. This will benefit your older child whilst allowing you to focus on the younger. Planning for independence of your older child is just as important as taking care of your younger child. I think you are too concerned with care taking and the role of parents wrt younger children.

Someone else is using her as a free childminding and school drop off service without her permission, that's what.

This.

Speak to the adults, not the child.

Wouldn't bother me

She is not being used as that though. The child is walking to school - she has no responsibility for him. Also, op could look on the positive side - if the children end up at the same secondary school then her son will have a buddy a few years older than him to show him the ropes and hopefully look out for him.

Omg this was me! In year 6 my dad told me to walk home by myself. I was very nervous and walked back with my friend and her childminder! The child minder lived down the road from me! After a few weeks the child minder told me to not walk with them anymore because she gets paid to walk my friend home and not me! I didn’t realise and felt so embarrassed! Never tagged along with anyone else again!

When DS1 was in primary, we always had a few tag-alongs on the walk to school. They were nice kids who got along, so it never bothered me.

Honestly, this isn't a big deal.

Year 6 kids can walk to school by themselves, maybe he feels safer as part of a group? What exactly is the issue?

Everyone wants a village but no one wants to be a villager. In case my meaning is lost, be a villager and not a twat.

Awk, that's shitty.

You weren't doing any harm.

Go straight to the parents - I wouldn’t have let a neighbours child walk with us every day as I wouldn’t want that responsibility every day. Also, in Year 6 they really should be fine walking alone (how will they cope going to Secondary?).

Occasional favour for an emergency (both parents had to start early, parents had flu etc) but that’s so cheeky to not even ask! How do they know you are a responsible adult? What happens if someone random starts talking to the neighbours child, are you supposed to intervene? Or if the year 6 is mucking around on the walk?

I wouldn’t make the child feel uncomfortable as it’s not their fault, talk to the parents. If they are not happy with their Year 6 walking alone, they can get off their bums and walk with them.

I agree, it wouldn't bother me if children walked alongside me and my children on their way to or from school. It's quite normal.
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You are not responsible for this child but there's surely no harm with him tagging along for a short walk you would be doing anyway.

Sorry but in reality will that really happen at Secondary?

Sounds like parents dont want to do the school run but equally dont trust their child to walk alone. You cant have it both ways. Either trust them or they walk him themselves. The OP isnt running a free tag along service!

It sounds to me Asif his parents may have said toy are a safe adult to walk with if he feels unsafe at any point . I doubt they are expecting you to take responsibility of him arriving to and from school without no communication. Yr 6.is when most parenta allow children to get them to and from school in preparation for high school . I think you've just been recognised as a safe adult if anything perculia should occur