Am I too sensitive in arguments? Do I need to get some resilience? DH making me cry

[Whatsitallabouteh]

my husband screamed at me last night after me asking for a plan on debt repayments (that he hid from me for 3 years). I asked nicely and calmly. He started shouting at me, saying I wasn’t being compassionate, I was calling him weak and not a man, and that I wasn’t helpful.

i tried to say that I was helping by being proactive and helping with a plan (he says to me when I am stressed that I need to problem solve so I was helping him do this). He’d also asked for my help 4 days ago and so I was following up - I’d sent him a draft plan and was asking what his thoughts were.

he was screaming and I was trying not to cry. When I asked him to stop shouting he said he couldn’t be bothered arguing and “he needed space and to fuck off”. He spent the night playing video games and didn’t speak to me. He didn’t speak to me this morning and just left for work. I then got a text “am I picking you up from work?”

I struggle so much when he’s like this, so angry and doesn’t care I am crying when he shouts. I also struggle with him snapping back to “normal” and not addressing the issue at hand or how he spoke to me. Am I being too sensitive? Or should I just learn that adults get angry sometimes and shout? Should I learn more resilience?

I’m sending lots of support, please know you are in no way unreasonable to be upset by his appalling behaviour. This is not love. 🌷

Crying in response to abuse is completely normal.

My DH has never shouted at me or made me cry....

Your dh is abusive. You are not sensitive. You are being emotionally and financially abused by a narcissist.

This is not how a healthy marriage should be. You need to begin to stand up for yourself. Or give him an ultimatum. Couple therapy or he can move out. I’m sad for you. This is horrible. He’s not being kind or loving towards you or acting like an adult man should.

Why do you think you’re being too sensitive?

He is abusive. You can’t fix him.
You are a capable, strong woman, you made a plan, you’re trying to help, and he’s just shitting on you. He doesn’t want to be helped, he wants you to do it, and let him get on with his pathetic behaviour.
You’re being abused, that’s why you can’t think clearly.

Wow. He really has worn you down if he can scream at you, tell you to f* off, ignore your tears and then have you asking if it's your fault.

You are in an abusive relationship

Him running up debts - not acceptable
Him shouting at you until you cry - not acceptable
Him stropping off like a teenager and then refusing a calm discussion - not acceptable
You deserve an actual partner in life, not someone who is abusive

What’s the point of him? No way should he be shouting and telling you to fuck off. I would not stay with someone who is verbally abusive.

This guy does not like you, let alone love you

There are alternatives to living with an abusive man who is also trying to ruin you with debt. Why not check them out instead of blaming yourself?

It's this.

All these angry shouty men always are inadequate and they know it. This is how he is asserting his 'masculine energy' or whatever bollocks he's seen somewhere.

I wouldn't let a stranger yell at me and make me cry, so I definitely wouldn't let someone who "loved" me do it either.

And this.

you should get rid of the horrible untrustworthy aggressive man

You'll always be in the wrong with a man that enjoys bullying you to make himself feel good for his own shortcomings.

The actual situation on this particular occasion is just distracting noise.

Am I being too sensitive? Or should I just learn that adults get angry sometimes and shout? Should I learn more resilience?

None of the above.

You should listen to what everyone else here is saying and wake up to the fact that you unfortunately married an abusive prick. However, fortunately, you don't have to stay married to him. This won't get better if you stay. Make your plans and leave.

Get rid of this millstone round your neck
He's an abusive sulky prick..have a row then huff and game all day.
And most definitely do not have children with this idiot.

Came here to say the same.

Has he taken out debt in your name? If not, leave before he does. And don't get pregnant.

It isn't normal for adults to get angry and shout. I have been married for 30 yeara and my DH has never shouted at me, never became angry and made me cry in an argument. Your DH is using anger as a form of control, he wants you to be too afraid to raise issue.

Would you accept a female friend who treated like you like this? If not, why is it an acceptable bar for a romantic partner?

I think raising one's voice during an argument is normal.

You say your husband SCREAMS at you and swears.

That's abuse.

You should leave him

It's financial and emotional abuse on his part. Awful. No, you are within your rights to cry if that's how it makes you feel. Get angry at him now! He said it himself, he's a poor excuse of a man. His problem to fix, not yours. Pathetic that he'd want 'empathy'. He should try and fix it like an adult and not victimise his poor wife.

I have voted you are being unreasonable because you dont need to learn resilience- your husband needs to learn some fucking manners.
You are trying to help him with HIS debt and this is his response?

Bin him

He’s not taken out in my name, but he has asked me to take loans out before and I’ve said no. I’ve bailed him out with over 10k before and he always runs out of money so I have to pay for food etc but he says that’s partnership

He’s the one screaming, shouting and swearing at a perfectly reasonable marital conversation and you are the one questioning if you are over sensitive and too emotional?

Nope. Nope. Nope.

No. He is not a good man. He is untrustworthy with money - which means that from now on, even if he sorts the debt, you will always be on edge that he has got into more debt without telling you.

He is also being horrible to you and doesn't care about your feelings. This won't get better, he won't suddenly become genuinely caring. Do you want this dynamic for the rest of your life?