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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be disappointed Dolly Parton supported biological men using women's toilets?

781 replies

Jane3212 · 21/09/2026 00:44

I really liked her music and she seemed like a nice person: her Imagination Library came to my borough recently. I was very sad to hear she'd died.
But was very disappointed to read this. The statements she made about trans people deserving respect, no issue with those.
But minimising the reasonable concerns women have about being forced to let men in their toilets was wrong.
I'm not saying she should have spoken out for GC issues. It might have been best just not to comment.
Parton had connections with drag queens and I wonder if that's the lens she saw transwomen through : not an excuse but might partially explain.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Soupsavior · 21/09/2026 15:56

AStonedRose · 21/09/2026 15:51

@Soupsavior , this poster has already had multiple posts deleted from this thread owing to harrassment.

You don't owe them an answer that they're not remotely interested in. The best thing is just to ignore them. I know it's difficult when you're being harangued. But this thread isn't in FWR, and you'll see, reading the thread, that there are plenty of posters who can see their behaviour for what it is.

Oh it's clear as day! But if they want to demonstrate the lack of facts some of these people have and how they use toxic online tactics to stiffle proper conversation, I welcome the example.

AStonedRose · 21/09/2026 15:57

riod · 21/09/2026 15:56

you must be getting confused as I haven’t reported a single post on this thread.
Mumsnet can confirm this for you if you ask them.

No, you've had multiple posts deleted. For bullying and harrassing.

You don't read other people's posts properly. What a surprise.

Soupsavior · 21/09/2026 16:06

AStonedRose · 21/09/2026 15:57

No, you've had multiple posts deleted. For bullying and harrassing.

You don't read other people's posts properly. What a surprise.

And yet it was that same poster who said anyone who thinks as Dolly just hasn't read/ thought or known about it enough and yet here they are barely even skimming an opposing view before they've got something to share.

Olivebrancher · 21/09/2026 16:31

Keeptoiletssafe · 21/09/2026 15:11

Why the quotes? I research and report on toilet incidents.

As a paid job? Or just a very niche hobby?

StillgotmyiPod · 21/09/2026 16:48

I do find it rather sad that Dolly Parton, who was by all accounts a thoroughly decent, intelligent, and gifted woman, is being scolded post-humously for wrong-think.

BIossomtoes · 21/09/2026 16:52

StillgotmyiPod · 21/09/2026 16:48

I do find it rather sad that Dolly Parton, who was by all accounts a thoroughly decent, intelligent, and gifted woman, is being scolded post-humously for wrong-think.

Me too. The attempt to smear the memory of a thoroughly good woman is despicable.

FairCat · 21/09/2026 17:50

The more you read of her humanity and philanthropy the more you realise what an angel this woman was.

If you're disappointed that she wasn't GC enough for you get help, seriously, you're in a cult.

Keeptoiletssafe · 21/09/2026 17:52

Differentforgirls · 21/09/2026 15:48

The amount of people "rushing" to a public toilet when they feel ill is the concerning thing. what are they doing out? Or are they maybe drunk?

My research is from real life incidents in non domestic toilets. I will not go into individual cases especially on an AIBU thread but will talk generally. I also look at sexual assaults, being trapped and cleanliness but I will answer your question about rushing to the toilet.

The urge to defecate can be a precursor to cardiac arrest. This is well known. The Valsalva maneuver to force faeces out if constipated puts more pressure on a compromised system as discussed in academic articles which have looked at why this causes many cardiac arrests on the toilet. There’s also academic articles to show survival rates of people after a medical event on a toilet and the factor is whether they are seen to collapse and/or heard.

Nausea is a precursor to many incidents eg. Brain haemorrhage, seizures. When someone thinks they are about to vomit, they head to the nearest toilet because they don’t want to vomit over their desk/ on the shop floor/ over the gym equipment/ over people on the dance floor.

People go to toilets to take illegal drugs, therefore it’s the place people overdose. It’s the most common place for doctors to die from overdoses in a hospital environment.

In schools there’s been a problem with spiked vapes leading to seizures. As far as I know, there’s been no deaths from spiked vapes in school toilets but teachers who have had to do cpr in school corridors have raised the concerns about completely private toilets - where children go to vape. This is from research from Bath University.

People have even died choking to death in restaurant toilets because they start choking and rush to the loo because they are embarrassed. They collapse and people don’t realise until it’s too late, especially when people are drinking and in large groups.

These events add up to many deaths and injuries, some of which have the opportunity to be preventable. Like the one I prevented. I expect she was a fresher at university, and she had had too much to drink in the nightclub, feel sick so went (rushed?) to the toilets without any friends, choked on vomit and stopped breathing. She is alive because as soon as we all entered the Ladies, we immediately saw her because of a 15cm floor to door gap. If it has been an ‘inclusive’ or unisex design it would have been hours before someone was aware. When I have researched other incidents like this in the U.K., the outcome has been different.

The design of a non domestic toilet can make a life or death difference to an occupant at their most vulnerable. It’s irrelevant what gender they are. However, the safest design is one that can only be permitted in a single sex environment. That’s when sex is relevant.

A floor-door gap in a non domestic toilet is similar in function to a car seatbelt. A bit annoying but it’s designed in because if you did need it, it could save your life.

Differentforgirls · 21/09/2026 17:54

Keeptoiletssafe · 21/09/2026 17:52

My research is from real life incidents in non domestic toilets. I will not go into individual cases especially on an AIBU thread but will talk generally. I also look at sexual assaults, being trapped and cleanliness but I will answer your question about rushing to the toilet.

The urge to defecate can be a precursor to cardiac arrest. This is well known. The Valsalva maneuver to force faeces out if constipated puts more pressure on a compromised system as discussed in academic articles which have looked at why this causes many cardiac arrests on the toilet. There’s also academic articles to show survival rates of people after a medical event on a toilet and the factor is whether they are seen to collapse and/or heard.

Nausea is a precursor to many incidents eg. Brain haemorrhage, seizures. When someone thinks they are about to vomit, they head to the nearest toilet because they don’t want to vomit over their desk/ on the shop floor/ over the gym equipment/ over people on the dance floor.

People go to toilets to take illegal drugs, therefore it’s the place people overdose. It’s the most common place for doctors to die from overdoses in a hospital environment.

In schools there’s been a problem with spiked vapes leading to seizures. As far as I know, there’s been no deaths from spiked vapes in school toilets but teachers who have had to do cpr in school corridors have raised the concerns about completely private toilets - where children go to vape. This is from research from Bath University.

People have even died choking to death in restaurant toilets because they start choking and rush to the loo because they are embarrassed. They collapse and people don’t realise until it’s too late, especially when people are drinking and in large groups.

These events add up to many deaths and injuries, some of which have the opportunity to be preventable. Like the one I prevented. I expect she was a fresher at university, and she had had too much to drink in the nightclub, feel sick so went (rushed?) to the toilets without any friends, choked on vomit and stopped breathing. She is alive because as soon as we all entered the Ladies, we immediately saw her because of a 15cm floor to door gap. If it has been an ‘inclusive’ or unisex design it would have been hours before someone was aware. When I have researched other incidents like this in the U.K., the outcome has been different.

The design of a non domestic toilet can make a life or death difference to an occupant at their most vulnerable. It’s irrelevant what gender they are. However, the safest design is one that can only be permitted in a single sex environment. That’s when sex is relevant.

A floor-door gap in a non domestic toilet is similar in function to a car seatbelt. A bit annoying but it’s designed in because if you did need it, it could save your life.

I’ve never been in a unisex toilet cubicle with no floor or roof gap.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 21/09/2026 18:03

Of all the good she did.

And you choose to post this.

I suppose you like to complain about how the Dalai Lama's farts smell or Sir Tom Moore walked too slowly.

Jane3212 · 21/09/2026 18:03

Keeptoiletssafe · 21/09/2026 17:52

My research is from real life incidents in non domestic toilets. I will not go into individual cases especially on an AIBU thread but will talk generally. I also look at sexual assaults, being trapped and cleanliness but I will answer your question about rushing to the toilet.

The urge to defecate can be a precursor to cardiac arrest. This is well known. The Valsalva maneuver to force faeces out if constipated puts more pressure on a compromised system as discussed in academic articles which have looked at why this causes many cardiac arrests on the toilet. There’s also academic articles to show survival rates of people after a medical event on a toilet and the factor is whether they are seen to collapse and/or heard.

Nausea is a precursor to many incidents eg. Brain haemorrhage, seizures. When someone thinks they are about to vomit, they head to the nearest toilet because they don’t want to vomit over their desk/ on the shop floor/ over the gym equipment/ over people on the dance floor.

People go to toilets to take illegal drugs, therefore it’s the place people overdose. It’s the most common place for doctors to die from overdoses in a hospital environment.

In schools there’s been a problem with spiked vapes leading to seizures. As far as I know, there’s been no deaths from spiked vapes in school toilets but teachers who have had to do cpr in school corridors have raised the concerns about completely private toilets - where children go to vape. This is from research from Bath University.

People have even died choking to death in restaurant toilets because they start choking and rush to the loo because they are embarrassed. They collapse and people don’t realise until it’s too late, especially when people are drinking and in large groups.

These events add up to many deaths and injuries, some of which have the opportunity to be preventable. Like the one I prevented. I expect she was a fresher at university, and she had had too much to drink in the nightclub, feel sick so went (rushed?) to the toilets without any friends, choked on vomit and stopped breathing. She is alive because as soon as we all entered the Ladies, we immediately saw her because of a 15cm floor to door gap. If it has been an ‘inclusive’ or unisex design it would have been hours before someone was aware. When I have researched other incidents like this in the U.K., the outcome has been different.

The design of a non domestic toilet can make a life or death difference to an occupant at their most vulnerable. It’s irrelevant what gender they are. However, the safest design is one that can only be permitted in a single sex environment. That’s when sex is relevant.

A floor-door gap in a non domestic toilet is similar in function to a car seatbelt. A bit annoying but it’s designed in because if you did need it, it could save your life.

Thank you for this, I'm glad people like you are keeping account of these things.

It's disappointing important security points and has first hand experience is being dismissed by some pps. Toilets beings unsafe should not be a partisan issue.

OP posts:
Jane3212 · 21/09/2026 18:04

BIossomtoes · 21/09/2026 16:52

Me too. The attempt to smear the memory of a thoroughly good woman is despicable.

How is it a 'despicable smear' to criticise one documented thing she said?

OP posts:
fantom · 21/09/2026 18:08

Good for Dolly. Makes me like her even more.

fantom · 21/09/2026 18:10

FairCat · 21/09/2026 17:50

The more you read of her humanity and philanthropy the more you realise what an angel this woman was.

If you're disappointed that she wasn't GC enough for you get help, seriously, you're in a cult.

THIS! a thousand times this.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 21/09/2026 18:15

The people on this thread who are disappointed in this one thing Dolly Parton, a thoroughly good and moral person said, need to have a word with themselves. They should consider that their attitude towards trans women is actually inhumane and that they should in fact be worried that they have been influenced by extremely right-wing attitudes and be wondering why that is.

Verv · 21/09/2026 18:16

Havent read the whole thread but yes, YABU.
I'm staunchly gender critical but readfing the first few linked articles - I won't be crucifying Dolly.

“I just want everybody to be treated good,” Parton said when asked about the ban in “I try not to get into the politics of everything. I try to get into the human element of it. I have some of everybody in my own immediate family and in my circle of employees. I’ve got transgender people. I’ve got gays. I’ve got lesbians. I’ve got drunks. I’ve got drug addicts — all within my own family. I know and love them all, and I do not judge.”

This is not worthy of condemnation.

She's a singer, and a woman who sought to do good, and see good.

She focused a lot on poverty and literacy - and has achieved a HUGE amount with that - JK has focused on women and girls.
Two different women achieving great things.

Posthumous "Dolly didnt scream about TIMS" grizzling does not reflect well.

Differentforgirls · 21/09/2026 18:18

ChocolateCinderToffee · 21/09/2026 18:15

The people on this thread who are disappointed in this one thing Dolly Parton, a thoroughly good and moral person said, need to have a word with themselves. They should consider that their attitude towards trans women is actually inhumane and that they should in fact be worried that they have been influenced by extremely right-wing attitudes and be wondering why that is.

👏👏

Keeptoiletssafe · 21/09/2026 18:37

Differentforgirls · 21/09/2026 17:54

I’ve never been in a unisex toilet cubicle with no floor or roof gap.

This is interesting. Which country is this? Can I have more details?

I can understand why you are confused if you have open mixed sex cubicles. This would be very unusual in this country. I have never come across a purpose-built mixed sex facility that is not floor to ceiling in privacy. It’s not a design I am aware of in other countries too.

Differentforgirls · 21/09/2026 18:54

Keeptoiletssafe · 21/09/2026 18:37

This is interesting. Which country is this? Can I have more details?

I can understand why you are confused if you have open mixed sex cubicles. This would be very unusual in this country. I have never come across a purpose-built mixed sex facility that is not floor to ceiling in privacy. It’s not a design I am aware of in other countries too.

What country are you in?

BunnyBunbunbun · 21/09/2026 19:11

Differentforgirls · 21/09/2026 14:38

Are you happy your thread descended into "toilet safety"?

The thread subject is literally "To be disappointed Dolly Parton supported biological men using women's toilets?" so it's very much about toilet safety.

BunnyBunbunbun · 21/09/2026 19:14

Jane3212 · 21/09/2026 14:03

The other article is from 2023, but I agree about the 2015 one in that we didn't have a lot of the info we have now.

In the 2023 article she's more "I want everyone to be happy" rather than backing a specific trans issue. There's no mention of the subject of the bill that the interviewer refers to, namely banning giving kids puberty blockers and ending "gender affirming" nonsense. I seriously doubt she would have publicly supported giving kids puberty blockers.

Dolly's way of dealing with "controversial" subjects was always "I want everyone to be happy".

Keeptoiletssafe · 21/09/2026 19:27

Differentforgirls · 21/09/2026 18:54

What country are you in?

UK

missmollygreen · 21/09/2026 19:30

Jane3212 · 21/09/2026 01:35

I agree we need more celebs like her!

She was genuinely kind by all accounts, not just a #bekind person, and I think in a way that may have been her weak spot on this issue.

If you read what she says, it's all very focused on the hurt feelings of trans people : ' And I just see how broken-hearted they get over certain things and I know how real they are. I know how important [gender-affirming care] is to them. That’s who they are.'

And : 'I just know if I have to pee, I’m going to pee,” she continued. “I don’t care where it’s going to be.”

Unfortunately genuine kindness can sometimes be misdirected.

Edited

Was it misdirected just because it is something you dont agree with?

Someone have a different opinion to you does not make them wrong you know....

AStonedRose · 21/09/2026 19:36

Keeptoiletssafe · 21/09/2026 17:52

My research is from real life incidents in non domestic toilets. I will not go into individual cases especially on an AIBU thread but will talk generally. I also look at sexual assaults, being trapped and cleanliness but I will answer your question about rushing to the toilet.

The urge to defecate can be a precursor to cardiac arrest. This is well known. The Valsalva maneuver to force faeces out if constipated puts more pressure on a compromised system as discussed in academic articles which have looked at why this causes many cardiac arrests on the toilet. There’s also academic articles to show survival rates of people after a medical event on a toilet and the factor is whether they are seen to collapse and/or heard.

Nausea is a precursor to many incidents eg. Brain haemorrhage, seizures. When someone thinks they are about to vomit, they head to the nearest toilet because they don’t want to vomit over their desk/ on the shop floor/ over the gym equipment/ over people on the dance floor.

People go to toilets to take illegal drugs, therefore it’s the place people overdose. It’s the most common place for doctors to die from overdoses in a hospital environment.

In schools there’s been a problem with spiked vapes leading to seizures. As far as I know, there’s been no deaths from spiked vapes in school toilets but teachers who have had to do cpr in school corridors have raised the concerns about completely private toilets - where children go to vape. This is from research from Bath University.

People have even died choking to death in restaurant toilets because they start choking and rush to the loo because they are embarrassed. They collapse and people don’t realise until it’s too late, especially when people are drinking and in large groups.

These events add up to many deaths and injuries, some of which have the opportunity to be preventable. Like the one I prevented. I expect she was a fresher at university, and she had had too much to drink in the nightclub, feel sick so went (rushed?) to the toilets without any friends, choked on vomit and stopped breathing. She is alive because as soon as we all entered the Ladies, we immediately saw her because of a 15cm floor to door gap. If it has been an ‘inclusive’ or unisex design it would have been hours before someone was aware. When I have researched other incidents like this in the U.K., the outcome has been different.

The design of a non domestic toilet can make a life or death difference to an occupant at their most vulnerable. It’s irrelevant what gender they are. However, the safest design is one that can only be permitted in a single sex environment. That’s when sex is relevant.

A floor-door gap in a non domestic toilet is similar in function to a car seatbelt. A bit annoying but it’s designed in because if you did need it, it could save your life.

Respectfully, this is nuts.

My dad was a shopfitter, though he did loos too. he told me the gap was there so the cubicle didn't fill with water and piss if there was an accident (my words not his). Any safety benefit benefit is (a) incidental, (b) marginal and (c) and more than negated by the risk of someone sticking something under the door.

And if a man wants to enter a women's space to commit a crime, the better disguise (from just about every angle) is as a cleaner or other workman, not as a woman. ffs.

Differentforgirls · 21/09/2026 19:51

Keeptoiletssafe · 21/09/2026 19:27

UK

Which country though?

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