AIBU to think my husband is too harsh about five-year-olds cartwheel?

[Fawncard]

Me and DH are married 7 years.
We have a 5 year old DD, DD and DH constantly clash. He thinks it's funny winding her up but she often gets upset about it and he sometimes wont stop until she is in tears. Like let me be clear its mostly just childish stuff like taking the cup he knows she likes things like that he will always give it back to her but he seems to enjoy seeing her get annoyed which is starting to become a red flag for me.
Anyway over the last 2 days DD has being trying to do a cartwheel.... she thinks she can do a cartwheel (she cannot do a cartwheel and does not want advice on how to do a cartwheel she wants to do it "herself") she has been practicing and practicing. When she asks me to watch her I will find something positive, "well done you are working really hard at that" "woah that one was much higher" etc etc. But DH just keeps going "that's not a cartwheel" and keeps giving her unwanted advice and putting on videos of kids doing actual cartwheels which is annoying and upsetting DD and today she again ended upnin tears and DH just seems so unapologetic about it.
He says he doesn't want her to be "delusional" but at her age I wanted to be a bloody unicorn 5 year olds are allowed to be delusional.
He thinks I'm being too soft I think he's being an arsehole. AIBU?

I don't think men reflect like that, he'll just shrug and carry on

But he’s also deliberately taking things he knows she will want/look for and only giving it back when she is in tears…
He’s a bully and you can bet your daughter will remember all the negatives rather than the positivity over her drawings.
My eldest is ND and does similar with our youngest, he’s told firmly to pack it in and it’s not funny when he’s the only one laughing and his brother is about to cry.
We have no tolerance for it in our household and call it out every single time, incidents are more infrequent now because of our reactions to it, it’s a shame no one did the same for your DH, neurodiversity is no excuse for being deliberately cruel and unkind especially when the behaviour has been called out.

If he does not understand what he is doing to her psyche, then just tell him 'do you want her to hate you?' Maybe then he will stop?

I’d feel like doing the same. What a twat.

This is horrible behaviour and no matter if he has an Olympic gold in cartwheels his DD doesn't want his advice so he should keep his mouth shut.

My DS is exact the same as your DD, he doesn't want to be told how to do it he wants to do it himself until he figures it out and any attempt at giving advice or suggestions just ends the whole conversation.

He's bullying her.
It is a red flag and you need to protect her from this.
It's terribly damaging.
It's absolutely toxic.
You need to find your anger.

He's tormenting a 5 year old.
Could he be more of a prick?

Does he love her? It doesn’t sound loving to purposefully annoy or wind a young child up to the point she is in tears. If he was acting like this towards a partner people would advise the partner to leave. Your DD is clearly expressing she doesn’t like his behaviour and yet he continues, he’s not listening to her and showing her that what she thinks or feels doesn’t matter. How will you feel if when she’s an adult this is how she lets her partners treat her because it’s how she was treated by her dad at home? You say he’s a good dad but a good dad doesn’t want to see his children crying because of something he’s done. You need to step in and protect your daughter.

As others have said, your DH is a twat and may have already caused permanent damage to his relationship with DD.

But the taking things that she likes is another form of bullying. It's not just about gymnastics.

In short: he's bullying his own child. Poor her.

Your husband is an arsehole. He is picking on someone who is innocent, looks up to him, and cannot defend herself. He will do long term damage to her. Protect your daughter from him.

It won't be happening again.

Him being ND is no excuse @Fawncard
Your dd will grow up thinking this is the way men are and men will absolutely spot her vulnerability a mile off. She sounds like she already appeases him where possible. Shameful. Five years old.

Stop making excuses for him and find your inner tiger Mum. How can you stand to be in the same room as a grown man who is cruel to a little girl?

He finds it funny to wind his 5 year old up to the point of tears? He purposely does things he knows will upset her because he finds it amusing?

I would shut him down firmly in front of her if he ever did it again, she needs to know that it's wrong to treat someone like that and that you have her back. And in private I would be letting him know it's absolutely unnaceptable and needs to stop immediately.

Your husband is a prick and this needs stopping now, because believe me it will only get worse. Before you know it he will be deliberately robbing her of her self esteem and confidence, and her dreams and she will be a walking shell, who won’t even put herself forward for anything because she won’t have any self worth to believe in herself. Ask me how I know!

Tell him to get his arse to therapy and deal with his attitude or leave.

OP, glad you are taking it seriously.
Do you want her self-esteem destroyed?
Do you want her vulnerable to abuse in her adult relationships?

This is whats happening.
I wouldn't tolerate this even once.
Teasing and deliberately upsetting someone is disgusting.
A powerless child being tormented by her father is so foul.

I wonder what you have been tolerating from him, that this has been going on so long, and is now escalating.

Take it very seriously.
Your poor child needs protecting from him.

This…

This is going to damage her self esteem and her confidence being teased to tears by her own daddy. I would have a serious talk and ask him to stop immediately

divorce

But what’s he doing to you @Fawncard

When I was a kid I had a friend whose uncle used to make weird comments to me in front of everyone.
Just little comments about my appearance. I was still in primary school, for god’s sake.
It’s only as an adult I realised how inadequate he must have been.

Taking stuff away to purposefully annoy her, goading her until she’s in tears, finding joy in her being upset - he’s a bully.

If he doesn’t like the comparison to his dad, I would loudly be declaring ‘you sound just like your dad’ every time he acts like a dick.

Your husband sounds insufferable. I’d absolutely tear him a new one if he spoke to my child like this, constantly winding he rip and belittling her. Tell him in no uncertain terms that he’s behaving like his father did to him and if he won’t stop then you and DD will move out. Stop being so wet about it - he’s emotionally hurting your child!

Tell him to stfu or buy him a book that gives him better ideas. Like how to talk so your kids will lis te en. Ans ask your Dd if she might enjoy a gymnastics class.

My dad constantly put me down and called me names, and I was always told he was only doing it to get a reaction. It affected me long afterwards. Please don't underestimate the potential impact of repeatedly provoking a five-year-old until she cries. If this behaviour continues, it risks seriously damaging her self-esteem and emotional wellbeing and could cause lasting emotional harm that affects her well into adulthood.