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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think my husband is too harsh about five-year-olds cartwheel?

324 replies

Fawncard · 09/09/2026 16:32

Me and DH are married 7 years.
We have a 5 year old DD, DD and DH constantly clash. He thinks it's funny winding her up but she often gets upset about it and he sometimes wont stop until she is in tears. Like let me be clear its mostly just childish stuff like taking the cup he knows she likes things like that he will always give it back to her but he seems to enjoy seeing her get annoyed which is starting to become a red flag for me.
Anyway over the last 2 days DD has being trying to do a cartwheel.... she thinks she can do a cartwheel (she cannot do a cartwheel and does not want advice on how to do a cartwheel she wants to do it "herself") she has been practicing and practicing. When she asks me to watch her I will find something positive, "well done you are working really hard at that" "woah that one was much higher" etc etc. But DH just keeps going "that's not a cartwheel" and keeps giving her unwanted advice and putting on videos of kids doing actual cartwheels which is annoying and upsetting DD and today she again ended upnin tears and DH just seems so unapologetic about it.
He says he doesn't want her to be "delusional" but at her age I wanted to be a bloody unicorn 5 year olds are allowed to be delusional.
He thinks I'm being too soft I think he's being an arsehole. AIBU?

OP posts:
YellowScarfRupert · 09/09/2026 20:52

He needs to grow up and stop tormenting the poor child. Can’t you tell him to stop?

Laura95167 · 09/09/2026 20:54

Sounds like hes bullying a 5 year old.

She has a dream, shes working towards it and hes telling her shes no where near and to watch videos of people doing it better. And unless he is able to do a cartwheel and has some gymnastic coaching experience his "advice" is just his opinion.

How would he like it if his boss behaved like this towards him at work? Or you critiqued his sexual prowess and whacked on a porno?

It matters because the first thing parents do for their kids is show them what love looks like. She takes for granted you both love her, and shes quickly learning daddy loves me and this is how he treats me. People who love me will behave like daddy. Its not cute when shes 5 and its your DH, and it really wont be cute in 10 years when she picks a boy (or girl) who treats her like this either.

You need to talk to him now.

Laura95167 · 09/09/2026 20:59

Fawncard · 09/09/2026 17:29

Literally only yesterday I said it to him if he can't think of anything positive to say don't say anything at all and he took it so badly which is ironic because he gets annoyed at DD for not taking his "advice" in good spirit. He shut down the conversation but i thought he had listened however today she came to me upset today saying he put on videos trying to show her how to do a cartwheel and then held the remote out of reach when she tried to turn it off.
He's ND so I think he genuinely doesn't realise he's being a prick

I hate this narrative.. hes not a prick.. hes ND so he doesnt realise.. he does realise it. Because youve explained it, clearly - with reference to his own expereince that he understood had an impact on him.

ND shouldnt be blamed for bad behaviour. He might be ND and a prick but he isnt a prick because hes ND.

Hes being a prick, hes been told hes a prick. He just doesnt want to hear it

Easterchicken · 09/09/2026 21:11

You are married to a narcissist and a bully and the fact you call him "darling husband" makes my skin crawl

He should be called your ex... And I'd be going for supervised contact only

notacooldad · 09/09/2026 21:12

He thinks it's funny winding her up but she often gets upset about it and he sometimes wont stop until she is in tears
This is not normal behaviour from a parent but you are writing it as if it just a normal occurrence.
Cant you see how bad that is?

AndImVictoriaMalcolm · 09/09/2026 21:12

They don’t “clash”. She’s 5 and he’s an adult. He has all the power and he uses it to bully his own child. The fact that she gets repeatedly upset and he keeps on despite knowing she’s tearful and her feelings are hurt is absolutely inexcusable. I would read him the riot act. He is doing to her what his dad did to him. Does he have a good relationship with his dad? Because his daughter will either grow up with low self esteem or she’s going to hate him. Or both.

hypnovic · 09/09/2026 21:15

He is a bully disguised ad a "wind up" and the teen years will be hell if you don't state your boundaries loud and clear. What a dick

DaffodilsPlease · 09/09/2026 21:15

AmberSpy · 09/09/2026 16:41

He won't stop winding her up until she's in tears? OP you really need to do something about this, I can't imagine how damaging that must be. Truthfully this would be ultimatum time for me - he stops doing it and seeks therapy to understand why he felt the need to do it, or you separate.

In case I get accused of being dramatic - I witnessed this dynamic playing out between my cousin and my uncle for many years. It did enormous damage to my cousin and he and his father have a very strained relationship these days.

But if u separate then he'll have the child on his own at weekends with no mother there to help the child?

Easterchicken · 09/09/2026 21:15

Personally I think you are as bad as he is allowing him to torment and bully your child

That poor little girl

Easterchicken · 09/09/2026 21:16

DaffodilsPlease · 09/09/2026 21:15

But if u separate then he'll have the child on his own at weekends with no mother there to help the child?

Show quote history

Doesn't sound like she's helping the kid anyway

PressTheSwitch · 09/09/2026 21:17

@Fawncard my first thought was he’s ND.

likelysuspect · 09/09/2026 21:18

Fawncard · 09/09/2026 16:32

Me and DH are married 7 years.
We have a 5 year old DD, DD and DH constantly clash. He thinks it's funny winding her up but she often gets upset about it and he sometimes wont stop until she is in tears. Like let me be clear its mostly just childish stuff like taking the cup he knows she likes things like that he will always give it back to her but he seems to enjoy seeing her get annoyed which is starting to become a red flag for me.
Anyway over the last 2 days DD has being trying to do a cartwheel.... she thinks she can do a cartwheel (she cannot do a cartwheel and does not want advice on how to do a cartwheel she wants to do it "herself") she has been practicing and practicing. When she asks me to watch her I will find something positive, "well done you are working really hard at that" "woah that one was much higher" etc etc. But DH just keeps going "that's not a cartwheel" and keeps giving her unwanted advice and putting on videos of kids doing actual cartwheels which is annoying and upsetting DD and today she again ended upnin tears and DH just seems so unapologetic about it.
He says he doesn't want her to be "delusional" but at her age I wanted to be a bloody unicorn 5 year olds are allowed to be delusional.
He thinks I'm being too soft I think he's being an arsehole. AIBU?

This is classic absence of understanding of a childs brain and child development

What parenting programmes has he done? What does he know of child development?

Does he see her as some sort of competition and has to put her down?

Whats his understanding of her as a person, a child?

He is going to have to change very quickly.

likelysuspect · 09/09/2026 21:18

PressTheSwitch · 09/09/2026 21:17

@Fawncard my first thought was he’s ND.

I nearly said that, but it gets said so much, but it comes across like that

EmmaB1309 · 09/09/2026 21:19

He’s a twat who clearly has no idea how children learn. Time for a serious talk about how emotionally abusive he is being.

Pherian · 09/09/2026 21:20

Fawncard · 09/09/2026 16:32

Me and DH are married 7 years.
We have a 5 year old DD, DD and DH constantly clash. He thinks it's funny winding her up but she often gets upset about it and he sometimes wont stop until she is in tears. Like let me be clear its mostly just childish stuff like taking the cup he knows she likes things like that he will always give it back to her but he seems to enjoy seeing her get annoyed which is starting to become a red flag for me.
Anyway over the last 2 days DD has being trying to do a cartwheel.... she thinks she can do a cartwheel (she cannot do a cartwheel and does not want advice on how to do a cartwheel she wants to do it "herself") she has been practicing and practicing. When she asks me to watch her I will find something positive, "well done you are working really hard at that" "woah that one was much higher" etc etc. But DH just keeps going "that's not a cartwheel" and keeps giving her unwanted advice and putting on videos of kids doing actual cartwheels which is annoying and upsetting DD and today she again ended upnin tears and DH just seems so unapologetic about it.
He says he doesn't want her to be "delusional" but at her age I wanted to be a bloody unicorn 5 year olds are allowed to be delusional.
He thinks I'm being too soft I think he's being an arsehole. AIBU?

He sounds like a massive arsehole. Is this something he’s always done - including to you - or is this new ? Because someone tormenting a child until they are in tears is awful. Would you tolerate this behaviour toward your child normally ?

MurphysColeslaw · 09/09/2026 21:20

I think this is the second thread I’ve read this week where a mother hasn’t stood up for her kid(s)
I mean wtf
These types of things always make me think of Melendez brothers’ psychology.

PS5Gamer · 09/09/2026 21:22

PressTheSwitch · 09/09/2026 21:17

@Fawncard my first thought was he’s ND.

My first thought was he’s a Twat.

user1476613140 · 09/09/2026 21:22

You've got yourself a catch there.

PHB65 · 09/09/2026 21:23

Just look him straight in the eye and ask him
”stupid or cruel”
when he asks you what your on about tell him to pick one.
He’ll ask you what your on about, so tell him, he’s either being totally stupid if he doesn’t realise the reaction he’s going to get, OR he’s being deliberately cruel.
Then just walk away and leave that either way him.
Maybe even whispering “cunt” as you go. 👍🏻

2kidswelshmum · 09/09/2026 21:25

Fawncard · 09/09/2026 16:32

Me and DH are married 7 years.
We have a 5 year old DD, DD and DH constantly clash. He thinks it's funny winding her up but she often gets upset about it and he sometimes wont stop until she is in tears. Like let me be clear its mostly just childish stuff like taking the cup he knows she likes things like that he will always give it back to her but he seems to enjoy seeing her get annoyed which is starting to become a red flag for me.
Anyway over the last 2 days DD has being trying to do a cartwheel.... she thinks she can do a cartwheel (she cannot do a cartwheel and does not want advice on how to do a cartwheel she wants to do it "herself") she has been practicing and practicing. When she asks me to watch her I will find something positive, "well done you are working really hard at that" "woah that one was much higher" etc etc. But DH just keeps going "that's not a cartwheel" and keeps giving her unwanted advice and putting on videos of kids doing actual cartwheels which is annoying and upsetting DD and today she again ended upnin tears and DH just seems so unapologetic about it.
He says he doesn't want her to be "delusional" but at her age I wanted to be a bloody unicorn 5 year olds are allowed to be delusional.
He thinks I'm being too soft I think he's being an arsehole. AIBU?

That’s way too harsh for a five year old 🙈

If he doesn’t want to “delude” her he should just stick to the vague encouragement like you are - “oh that one was higher, you’re trying so hard” and all that jazz.

There’s that episode of Bluey where “Daddy plays too rough” that sort of has a lesson here …(know you haven’t said he’s playing rough, I just mean sometimes people don’t see they are potentially behaving in a detrimental way because a child hasn’t got the right way to explain their feelings yet). Does that make sense? Did in my head 🤣

Anyway, agree with the other replies - he needs to do some self reflection to understand why he can’t see to stop winding her up, and sort it out. Not acceptable.

likelysuspect · 09/09/2026 21:25

OP doesnt need to be berated here, she needs practical and realistic support, not name calling of her or her husband or bullying of her on here. This is unhelpful

Some posters are being extremely nasty to her and very personal. She needs support and building up.

Ive just realised he is ND, it wasnt just a suggestion of someone. I thought that immediately on reading the OP, its clear as day

He therefore is likely to have black and white rigid thinking so wont see the harm perhaps. He will need specialist input. OP is not his parent and cant provide this.

ReplacementBusDriver · 09/09/2026 21:26

Fawncard · 09/09/2026 17:52

No she loves showing him her artwork or reading for him, she wants to show off to him all the time with those things because he is always so encouraging but when it comes to anything sporty she absolutely hates having him involved as he sucks any bit of fun out of it.

Show quote history

This does not compute with him enjoying winding her up to the point of tears.

Cheese55 · 09/09/2026 21:28

DaffodilsPlease · 09/09/2026 21:15

But if u separate then he'll have the child on his own at weekends with no mother there to help the child?

Show quote history

OP will lose her child as soon as she's old enough to leave. If they separate, her dd might see that it's her dad whose abusive and not her too. Ideally he needs counselling and change but as he thinks he's great, this is unlikely.

SueFlay12 · 09/09/2026 21:28

He's a bully
Why do you allow it?
When he does it, remove DD right away from him

And make sure hes never delusional about the size of his tiny penis

cantthinkofagoodusername2026 · 09/09/2026 21:29

What a horrible man, bullying a child. It seems that he doesn’t even like her. Poor DD. You are not being too soft at all.
You really need to lay down the law with DH, bullying a defenceless child is absolutely pathetic.