MIL situation after she arrived early

[DrivingHomeToYou]

My MIL arranged to visit us yesterday. My husband and I both work from home but had booked the afternoon off so told her to come after 2.30pm so we would be finished with meetings.

She turned up at midday. We told her she’d have to entertain herself for a few hours as we were still working.

We have 2 children. Our youngest had his first day of sixth form yesterday and got home at about 1pm. He had a quick conversation with his nan but had been set work to do from college so wanted to get it done and went to his room. Our oldest was still in bed. He is going back to uni next week so had done his last shift at work and went out afterwards with workmates, not getting home til early this morning.

My husband finished work just before 2.30pm so made his mum some lunch. I joined them just before 3pm as a meeting had ran over. We had what we thought was a pleasant afternoon catching up and I walked our 2 dogs for 30 minutes together rather than separately like I usually do, to have more time with MIL. We asked if she wanted to stay for dinner but she said no and left at about 5.30pm

She has sent us a message tonight to say she was annoyed that she had bothered making the effort to come and see us when no one could be bothered to make an effort. My husband asked her what she meant and she said it was over 2 hours before anyone made her a drink, I was late joining them and the kids were rude by staying in their rooms. She also moaned because I was gone for 30 minutes walking our dogs.

How would you respond? She turned up 2.5 hours earlier than we said to knowing we were working. We told her to help herself to anything she fancied and she knows where the tea, coffee, cold drinks, biscuits etc are and we had to work. It’s my husbands mum and he was with her from just before 2.30 which is when we said to arrive from. I joined them as soon as I could. My youngest has been anxious about college so wanted to make sure he completed the work set and I wasn’t going to wake up my oldest when he had only had a few hours of sleep. He did get up and see her for an hour before she left and my youngest came down for about half an hour once he had completed his college work. I walked the dogs as they needed a walk. My husband would have come with me but as MIL didn’t want to go out, he stayed with her. She thinks I should have finished work on time for a visitor, the dogs could have been walked when she was gone, youngest could have done his work later and our oldest should have been made to get up and talk to her when she arrived.

Do you think we did anything wrong? Were we unreasonable?

No, making her a cup of tea is not more important than going the thing that pays their bills. And the woman has a functioning pair of hands.

Because it was quite rude of him, which she obviously felt.

She was wrong to turn up early too of course, but unless she makes a habit of it, I’d have indulged it.
Leaving her sitting there on her own when your son could have got up wasn’t great manners. And I know it’s not great turning up early either, but two wrongs don’t make a right 🤷‍♀️

Yes, narcissistic. Thinking that everything should revolve around her and her convenience. Hot top: the world doesn't work like that.

Which meeting or interview should OP or her DH have excused themselves from in order to go and wake up the sleeping son? Would you be happy if that happened to you during an interview?

Nooooooo. I 'm talking about ringing up businesses and organisations to get information,,....... whose workers are obviously working from home. . Not ringing up friends while they are wfh.

You haven’t said what your wfh job is though?

@ThePurpleShark @BunnyLake
You can’t KNOW MIL is having a tantrum. We only have one selective story.
Is’s equally like that DIL is having a tantrum.
It really is a very odd thing to do to post a rant about a family member here, where she can’t answer back.
Therefore, I suspect the tantrums belong to DIL.

I assume the poster means when she calls someone in service industry and it’s clear they are wfh eg call an insurance company and can hear a dog/children.

Dont be so daft.

They didn’t have 1 minute in 2.5 hours?

I think DH should have called DS when he let his mother in. He had already excused himself at that point and I don’t think he was conducting interviews.

Anyone who posts on here about someone, that someone can’t answer back? Not exactly a revelation is it! I don’t recall using the word tantrum?

How do you work that one out? Those examples often happen when people aren't working effectively from home, whereas OP and her DH were actually... you know, busy doing the work, rather than flitting around MIL. Bit of a logic fail there if you ask me.

why do you put WFH in quotation marks?

Are you the MIL in law from hell, who believes the whole world should stop to accommodate her whims?

Have you got no respect for other people, their time, their privacy and you believe it's normal to disturb everybody else without any respect for them?

The only rude person in the story is MIL, no one else was. They let her in didn't they? Ask her to help herself to anything she wanted/ needed? They didn't let her wait at the door. They probably should have 😂

It's about basic courtesy and making someone feel welcome. It's not about knowing how to switch on a kettle.

Do you think turning up two hours early is basic courtesy?

A basic courtesy would also be not turning up two hours early knowing that people are still at work. That’s not a mistake.

When she first arrived one grandson was asleep and the other was not home from college. Her son let her in, explained he and OP were both still working and couldn't stop just then. That should have been enough for her to realise that she needed to look after herself for the time being, since she had inconsiderately arrived so far ahead of time.

As for the crack about the grandsons, one had worked until 2am and then had a leaving do with his colleagues, and the other, being anxious about getting things right on his first day at college, had explained he needed to do his homework. A considerate grandmother would have accepted both those things as reasonable.

If you aren't being obtuse, you need to read all OPs updates to understand the situation.

So far it’s taught the son that hangover is more important. Not that work or existing plans are more important. That’s very commendable.

Wow poor boo boo worked and drank so hard that he couldn’t wake up at 2-30 pm!

Likewise.

Exactly, that’s why I said these posts are not nice. They’re written to make you think OP is hard done by and rouse the ‘I hate my MIL ‘ pack.
I guess it was the other poster who said ‘tantrum’.

You dont know that they were; I dont know that they weren't. But the rest of the picture doesnt fill me with much confidence that this is a ship shape household..

She came two and a half hours early!!! That's rude!

What, a household with two adults conscientiously working at their jobs, not ignoring their work for unplanned social calls, and a diligent child doing his homework for several hours? And one other grandson totally asleep and wholly unaware of the whole situation or even the visit existing - none of this is his fault.

The only rogue element in the household is the MIL.

MIL? You sure act invested in OP being rude rather than her pita MIL.

Working is definitely more important than waiting on a physically able woman. That's the roof over their heads and food on the table. Relatives should respect that, not expect their rudeness to be catered to.

The sons aren't antisocial. One worked late and was out after. One had his first day of school and homework to do. But a relative would rather one goes without sleep after a 60 hour week and the other should neglect their homework.

The rude relative is now the relative they will see less because of a mindset like yours.