MIL situation after she arrived early

[DrivingHomeToYou]

My MIL arranged to visit us yesterday. My husband and I both work from home but had booked the afternoon off so told her to come after 2.30pm so we would be finished with meetings.

She turned up at midday. We told her she’d have to entertain herself for a few hours as we were still working.

We have 2 children. Our youngest had his first day of sixth form yesterday and got home at about 1pm. He had a quick conversation with his nan but had been set work to do from college so wanted to get it done and went to his room. Our oldest was still in bed. He is going back to uni next week so had done his last shift at work and went out afterwards with workmates, not getting home til early this morning.

My husband finished work just before 2.30pm so made his mum some lunch. I joined them just before 3pm as a meeting had ran over. We had what we thought was a pleasant afternoon catching up and I walked our 2 dogs for 30 minutes together rather than separately like I usually do, to have more time with MIL. We asked if she wanted to stay for dinner but she said no and left at about 5.30pm

She has sent us a message tonight to say she was annoyed that she had bothered making the effort to come and see us when no one could be bothered to make an effort. My husband asked her what she meant and she said it was over 2 hours before anyone made her a drink, I was late joining them and the kids were rude by staying in their rooms. She also moaned because I was gone for 30 minutes walking our dogs.

How would you respond? She turned up 2.5 hours earlier than we said to knowing we were working. We told her to help herself to anything she fancied and she knows where the tea, coffee, cold drinks, biscuits etc are and we had to work. It’s my husbands mum and he was with her from just before 2.30 which is when we said to arrive from. I joined them as soon as I could. My youngest has been anxious about college so wanted to make sure he completed the work set and I wasn’t going to wake up my oldest when he had only had a few hours of sleep. He did get up and see her for an hour before she left and my youngest came down for about half an hour once he had completed his college work. I walked the dogs as they needed a walk. My husband would have come with me but as MIL didn’t want to go out, he stayed with her. She thinks I should have finished work on time for a visitor, the dogs could have been walked when she was gone, youngest could have done his work later and our oldest should have been made to get up and talk to her when she arrived.

Do you think we did anything wrong? Were we unreasonable?

Yes, they should totally have excused themselves from a work meeting (in OPs case she was interviewing) to go and make a cup of tea. That would have looked super professional.

Also the MIL presumably has a working pair of hands.

The plan was for the MIL to stay for dinner though, so the dogs needed walked before as far as OP knew. She also offered for them all to go and MIL said no, she then had her son for company.

Right. Wfh. I'd be a rich woman if i had a pound for every time I phoned somewhere and heard dogs barking, children crying , irrelevant conversations in the background, or being put in hold coz the person didnt know what they were talking about. So I'm not very impressed with people's commitment to wfh .....and I certainly dont think you couldnt take 5 minutes out to make someone a cup of tea.

the 2h30 is ridiculous as it is, but it's her tantrum that is astonishing 😂

What dogs do you have?

I'd have walked them if I could!

You are absolutely not BU, glad your DH is onboard about this and seems to be able to communicate with his parents. As someone who hasn't worked herself she probably has no understanding of the working world. I think seeing her every 2 weeks is plenty!
The only thing I might have done differently to make her feel properly welcome would be to insist she stayed for dinner not just ask if she wanted to.

She's in her mid-60s, mobile, still driving and with a husband, friends and hobbies. If she can't make herself a cup of tea and entertain herself until the arranged time, after turning up so early for no better reason than it was convenient for her, she's selfish, verging on narcissistic.

My mum who is in her 80s would feel exactly the same as you and I will, too, down the line should I be the visiting parent/grandparent with busy, working children.

She turned up two hours early and her son and DIL were wfh. Why didn’t SHE make the tea for the three of them and pop it into them?

They were both working in close collaboration with colleagues in meetings and interviews AS OP HAS ALREADY EXPLAINED, so NO, they couldn't just take time out to make tea and chat. 🙄 I'm starting to think you're just being deliberately obtuse.

Ahaaaaaaaaa. Narcissistic. 😂

It would have been helpful if she could have walked the dogs no? Instead of sitting around wanting to be waited on…

Even if you were the only interviewer, it would be inappropriate for you to cut the interview off early just because a social guest came over (and came over early!). You are working. You have an obligation to focus on your paid work when you are working, and to complete your tasks in an adequate manner.

Pretty much every single mum has changed thousands of nappies as the bare minimum of caring for the child they chose to have. It isn't an IOU to be redeemed by making unreasonable demands on your adult children.

It sounds as though OP's MIL doesn't understand work full stop, not just working from home as she has never gone out to work. It seems to have made her quite entitled.

Yes, I wouldn't bother responding to people who can't be bothered to read @DrivingHomeToYou

This site is full of CFs who would do this or that/ expect this or that - so they are either the enabled, or wimpy #bekind enablers

Sometimes. Yes. So?

‘please don’t fall out with us son’

I think the natural interpretation is that the DAD is scared of what might happen. Otherwise, he would have said ‘please don’t upset your mother.’
Anyhow, as a pp said, since OP is so sure of herself, why post at all?
What I dislike about these threads is that we only have selected information, so can’t give a fair judgement. The post simply serves to whip up anti MIL feelings, which can be shockingly cruel and violent, not to mention dismissive .
It makes me shudder for the poor MILs these women have ( if they actually have a MIL at all, and don’t just hate women.

No, they shouldn't. His grandma will be seeing him for a meal on Saturday so didn't need to have him there all afternoon on Monday as well. She isn't the centre of their world except in her own head.

Exactly - how much that would have been appreciated. But that would involve her putting herself out, and not putting others out by sitting there 2.5 hours early.

Nutter

I am pretty confident the comments would have been exactly the same if a male relative or anyone had behaved in the same way as MIL

It's just happens that SHE decided to be rude AND have a tantrum.
Blame her.

What a lot of drama about very little. 🙄

Why are you ringing up people who work from home during working hours? You sound as inconsiderate as OP's MiL.

I ain't obtuse. I just think it's sad that dog walking, lay - about and antisocial sons, and 'wfh' are more important than at very least giving a gran a cup of tea. She made a mistake turning up early, but to be ignored for 2 hours without so much as a drink smacks of almost wilful ignorance to me. It's rude in anyone's book. I think it shows how they really feel about her and she knows it. She's hurt.

Drama was coming from mil.

Why can’t she put the kettle on? I’m the same age as her (give or take a year), and perfectly capable of making myself a cup of tea or coffee at my son’s place. Somehow I learnt how to fill a kettle and switch it on year’s ago.