Aibu by being upset about dd's treatment by football club

[Ceceprincess80]

My daughter has played football since she was 4 years old. She has played for 3 different teams and has ended up playing in goal which she likes. She is now 13, almost 14. There has been a change in coach and a new girl has been drafted in as another goalkeeper and my daughter told she now needs to share playing time. The coach waited till after we had paid the registration fees for this season before saying anything. They initially wanted them to spilt each game and we said no as we didnt want to travel to the faraway games or 40 miles for 30 mins playing time and could they do 1 game on and 1 game off. The team played a friendly this week and my daughter did well and made some good saves. The other goalkeeper let in 3 goals and gave a penalty away because she pushed the striker over. My daughter ended the game upset and frustrated that this player has been added to the squad and she is not particularly good. We asked our daughter what she wanted to do? She doesn't want to play with the team anymore. Its so sad as she loves some of the defending girls in her team but she feels so sad and upset she can not stay. I feel cross and sad for her. Am I being unreasonable if I complain about her treatment and get the registration fees refunded?

Its really not the norm in her division to have 2. She is very reliable and only missed 2 games in 4 years. Those occasions had a defender in goal who was happy to have a go

They made these decisions after we had paid and changed the terms and conditions so the chair has agreed to refund. Anything like this is supposed to be done in the summer so you can look for a different team and you then do not have to pay to transfer them to a new club etc.

I think the issue here is that they've taken on someone who only wants to be a goalkeeper, own kit and all. If it were a defender/goalie it wouldn't be quite so bad. If someone shows up who wants to be a forward there are three (usually) spaces plus attacking midfielder they can rotate through.

Thank you. She is good. She was selected to do the development goalkeeper pathway for our local city football team and I could not get her there. The club were good and said she could train with the older sessions but I didn't drive. Ive learnt to drive and passed now so ive asked if she can retrial and the guy has said yes even though they usually do their trials in the early summer. Just means she might have to be an academy player and would mean commitment to miss school each week

Well then she probably needs to be in a sufficiently elite club

You shouldn't be paying to transfer to a new team, you will have to pay subs for the new team but there is no transfer fee. Ideally players move on the off season but it doesn't always work like that. In my son's club if you leave mid season you get your subs refunded pro rata.
A lot of teams in our mixed league have 2 goalies, we did up to last month when one gave up footy. My DH who is the manager is looking for a second goal keeper as it's a lot of pressure on the one we have. Our goalies both played 50% of the game each.

Ive never had to transfer her before but the county FA guy said its £20 to transfer her registration.

She just always liked playing with this group of girls and they are all good. Not all nice but the majority are. She loves football and plays for her school team too. I don't think she would want to play at high level. She just wants to play

Doesn't seem unreasonable to have another goalkeeper in the squad.
As for parents not wanting to travel to support their DD in football game because she may not play a full match.......that sounds all kinds of awful to me.
Having said that i think i think you should have been informed of the change before paying fees so you could decide what you wanted to do.
I dont think it unreasonable you express how your DD feels and see what the coaches perspective is.

Do you have another team in mind to transfer her to? One without a current goalkeeper?

Having read your updates I understand your frustration more but, unless she has somewhere else to go, you might be better not doing anything rash. At her age most teams are surely well established so it might be difficult to find an alternative and she could end up with no match time at all.

Maybe see how it goes. This new goalkeeper might not even stay or she might decide to play in defence instead.

The problem you've got is that her objectives seem incompatible.

She loves the game, wants to play a lot and get better but doesn't want to play at a high level ?

It's hard to find teams that would balance those requirements.

That said, I doubt whether casual to competitive is a one way path. It is probably 100x easier to go backwards rather than forwards if you find the path is not right for you.

Yes I think you are right. Ive emailed people today and she has some options so im going to lay them out tonight and see what she goes with. I'll support her to do whatever, I feel I let her down not being able to drive her to the club goalkeeping pathway sessions.

If she transfers to another team, she's going to be their second keeper. I bet she feels differently about sharing game time then!

If she has no plans to play at a high level then she needs to consider her ego. Criticising the other girl for not being as good as her isn’t very team spirited. Maybe team sport isn’t really for her.

I agree but she is frustrated by the lack of game time. She has often been tapped up and has been loyal to this team so it seems it doesnt work both ways, I suppose. She can decided at the moment what she wants. If she went a division below, she would have plenty to do, which would keep her happy

In the lower division there are some teams still rotating players into goal it seems from sending out emails today so she probably wouldn't be.

goalkeepers in girls football are like gold dust. she will have plenty of options. her current team have treated her poorly and the new coach lacks pastoral care skills.

GK is not comparable to other positions on the pitch. if it was you would be having 22 players turn up on a match day, which just isn't the case in any level of football.

@budgiegirl coaches are not obliged to accept players. If a team has a reliable committed effective goalie, and another goalie asks to joint the team, the coach should really say no. Sadly they often collect players because it brings more money into the club, but if the squad is too big it’s impossible to keep everyone happy. For 11-a-side, the optimum number of players registered is probably 16/17. Any more than that and players lose interest because they don’t get enough game time.

OP at the end of the day she needs to enjoy her football, and if she’s not, she should leave. Ignore all the people saying she’s being a brat. They clearly don’t understand how it works for goalkeepers.

All players accept that they can’t guarantee they’ll stay on the pitch for the whole game, but outfielders have the option to work on their skills and get as much game time as possible. It doesn’t work like that for goalies, and there’s no fun or challenge when you already know that every week you’ll only get half a game.

I had a similar situation with my son. He’d played in goal for a team for 10 years, he was captain, he recruited many of the players, he supported the team, they’d always call him after a game if they felt they’d not played well and wanted to talk it through. He had been asked to join numerous teams over the years, but was loyal to his original team, missing just one game in a decade. Then one day the coach brought in a new goalie, on the grounds that “competition is always good”. It was such a kick in the teeth, after years of commitment. He lost the love for the club overnight, and moved to a new team. The new goalie didn’t stay, morale dropped, and the team folded within a few weeks. I’m not saying that my son leaving caused the team to collapse, but football teams are very delicate things, and it’s often a mistake to try and shake things up too much.

Oh my goodness. Thats so very sad to hear. Very similar experience to my daughter. Your poor son. I hope he found a new team and still enjoys football.

Welcome to football.

First, no team should only have one keeper.
Second, the game should be 35-40 minute halves. Equal minutes for all players normally so this sounds fair.

Your daughter clearly isn't that committed to the team if she wants to quit because she can't play a full game. And disparaging and knocking the other keeper - what a teammate.

This is grassroots football. If she doesn't like it she should try out for a higher level team where it is more competitive and equal minutes aren't guaranteed.

No you shoudn't complain. YABVU.

Adding to say I have two kids now at cat 1 academies who have played at all levels and one is a keeper so I get what being a keeper means.

Development players aren't academy players and almost never get into an academy. They are money making machines by the clubs to use their name to get local kids to pay for training.

Not actually true - FA rules limit the amount of registered players per team so they aren't 'collecting' kids.

I think if you paid because you were told she would be the only goalie, it's reasonable to be upset, but never heard of a team only having the one. If you genuinely believed you were paying because she would always be doing it, and you wouldn't have paid otherwise, then you need to check the conditions you signed.

Why should they say no? What if the first goalie is ill, injured then they are left without a goalie. It's easy to say use a defender but then you are an outfield player short and some teams can struggle for subs some weeks.
Secondly coaches don't collect players, there are strict rules around how many can sign for a team. It's 16 at U14. Trust me coaches who are volunteers don't sign kids so the club has more money..

Wow, is it 16? My daughter's team had grown to 21 but I suppose some might be reserve players but they all played in the league last year so I am really confused.