Aibu by being upset about dd's treatment by football club

[Ceceprincess80]

My daughter has played football since she was 4 years old. She has played for 3 different teams and has ended up playing in goal which she likes. She is now 13, almost 14. There has been a change in coach and a new girl has been drafted in as another goalkeeper and my daughter told she now needs to share playing time. The coach waited till after we had paid the registration fees for this season before saying anything. They initially wanted them to spilt each game and we said no as we didnt want to travel to the faraway games or 40 miles for 30 mins playing time and could they do 1 game on and 1 game off. The team played a friendly this week and my daughter did well and made some good saves. The other goalkeeper let in 3 goals and gave a penalty away because she pushed the striker over. My daughter ended the game upset and frustrated that this player has been added to the squad and she is not particularly good. We asked our daughter what she wanted to do? She doesn't want to play with the team anymore. Its so sad as she loves some of the defending girls in her team but she feels so sad and upset she can not stay. I feel cross and sad for her. Am I being unreasonable if I complain about her treatment and get the registration fees refunded?

And contrary to what other posters have said, unless your daughter is frequently absent, teams at her age at grassroots level don’t need 2 goalies

They might not need two goalies, but regardless, they have two goalies. So both should be able to play. How is a weaker player ever supposed to improve if they are not given a chance to play? Perhaps the ethos at this club is to give kids a chance, rather than win at all costs.

When DH was a kids coach, he struggled to get a goalie, no-one wanted to do it. He'd have been delighted to have two!

If they were interested in money they wouldn't kick kids out but keep them hanging on !

I have been the same only over athletics. One club really focussed on performance, training people trying to achieve their best, and if you weren;t good enough then it was suggested you leave.

Another all a bit part time, lots of laughs and socials. Still a lot of dedicated runners, but a lot more informal and if you weren't interested in performing then fine. There were groups for the good, the bad and the indifferent.

I chose the club to best suit my ethos rather than expecting the club to change around me. Also it's worth pointing out the wrong kind of person in the club can be very disruptive and work against what a lot of coaches are putting in a lot of time and effort (often free) to achieve. Club members generally need to pull in the same direction.

This place wants you to keep paying for the weekly sessions without guaranteeing you will actually play for the "Company name FC" under 13s or whatever. If you just keep paying then maybe next year you will be a chosen one...

I think that so long as clubs are open and upfront about what their policy is then it's fine. People should be able to choose what kind of club they want to play in and accept the consequences of that.

Coaches that suddenly decide to change the club ethos without warning, or kids (or more often parents) who think they can bend the entire club to their particular requirements, that's where the problem lies.

As someone who coached junior rugby from minis to teenagers, it was expected that every child got a bit of game time, as if the children didn't play they didn't come back.
It wasn't until they were around 15/16 that we started selecting on merit alone and even then the kids who weren't "first teamers" would get game time when we had a "friendly" rather than a league game or we would put together a second team if the opposition could field one as well.

My son has been playing at a pretty decent standard for a team on Saturdays and Sundays for ten years and neither team has ever had two goalkeepers in its squad. On the rare occasions that the keeper is unavailable or gets injured, someone else goes in goal. By definition, having two keepers means neither of them can play more than half of the minutes in a match. You wouldn't have ten outfield subs in an 11-aside team, because that would be too limiting on game time. I think it's very unreasonable that this was done after registration too. Unfortunately though there is no easy answer. Stay and play half the time, or leave.

Thanks everyone. She is not having a temper tantrum, she is disappointed. They play 7v7 so the team has decided to leave an outfield player off as well as there has been so many complaints about players and families travelling miles to play 30 mins or less. One dad went mad. We haven't. The teams in her league do not have more then one goalkeeper. Extra information, is the football club is losing money and is adding in other players to recoup costs.
There is also a lot of quite toxic behaviour from a couple of players, not all, towards other players and it hasn't been address at all. She committed to last season and played even though a player was so horrible to her.
Her game play has been halved without discussion or even knowing.

Thank you for the pathways mention, yes she made it through to the football development pathway for our local city football club. We are Leeds based. I didn't drive so I could not get her to the venue. Ive passed now so have asked her if she wanted to try out again. And she does so we will ask them if they are doing trialing again.

I'm going to go against the grain here - as the parent of a 'now retired' 23 year old semi pro female GK.

Female GK's are actually quite rare - especially good ones, and are in high demand. At grass roots level, it's also rare to have more than 1 GK in a girls team, as they won't get the game time and improve.

Personally, I would look to find a different club - though you may find this difficult now the season has started.

GK's are very different to outfield players. They need full game time in order to improve and play well. Swapping GK's mid game and even every other game is detrimental to the team as each GK works differently, and the team will need to adjust continuously. There's a reason why GK's are only ever taken off when there is an injury.

Unless your daughter wasn't fully committed and had time off for non-injuries, then I think the coach is making a big mistake. Yes, it's good to have a back up GK in case the worst happens, but 99% of the time there is an outfield player who can pick this up and do quite well.

1. Teams need 2 goalies in case one is injured or unavailable
2. Teams are about sharing
3. Refusing to go to a game unless she gets to play the whole game is entitled and spoilt, and if I was coach id prioritise a less skilled player who commits and shares over a better one who wont
4. Quitting because she doesnt like the team investing in another player AS WELL as her (not instead of her) is a shit attitude

YABU

Rugby is a bit different to football though as IME you are always struggling to get people to turn up.

The OPs kid is 13/14 so not that far off your 15/16 criteria, which might be older for rugby for various reasons.

A quick google suggests that around 12 years old is the point where football is generally accepted to become competitive.

My husband was a semi pro centre half and he said the same as you. She really loves playing but she has an old head in her shoulders and said im just not going to get the game time so ive got to move. I just wish they had said all of this before we paid and sorted everything out for this season. They gave away her squad number as well which was upsetting. They were allowed to chose when they were 5, she has always been 51 instead of 1 and the other keeper has been given a shirt with 51 on it.

They shouldn't have given away her squad number, I can see how that's upsetting for her.

Regarding signing on though, there is massive pressure from the local FA to get all the paperwork in order almost as soon as the previous season has finished, and volunteers have to chase early to get everything done by the deadline so teams can be registered and leagues finalised.

I think it's important to remember these things are run by volunteers, and whilst it's easy to take things personally they very rarely are, they are just decisions made by people doing their best.

Don’t most 13/ 14 year olds play 11v11 ?

I suppose the honest question is "is she any good? (and is she likely to get better?)".
If she's shaping up to be a good youth footballer then she does need game time and probably the chance to work with a specialist goalkeeping coach so if that's the case then she'll have to move to a higher level of football, however the flipside of that is that if she's not the first choice keeper in her team, she'll get very little game time unless she can depose whoever they've already got.
If she wants to play football recreationally then she's probably better at the level she is at, although a change of club might not be a bad thing anyway.

Why are they playing 7v7 if they are U14's they should be playing 11 a side. I am struggling to believe they are part of an official grassroots league playing 7v7 at that age. They must have no room, the pitches are tiny 😂

Let’s hope she’s as good as she clearly thinks she is. it sounds like she needs to perhaps check her attitude and you both need to manage your own expectations.

Has she actually had her number taken off her or are both goalies just having the same number? I'm not sure the latter is allowed but maybe it's the only goalie kit they had.

That there wasn’t a second goalie is unusual. Your daughter should also be traveling to all games. If her teammate is injured, she needs to be present to sub.

For a family that has been playing for so long, you don’t seem to grasp how a team functions.

Why does she need to "check her attitude ?"

What she needs to be is clear about what she wants from the game and the consequences of that.

There are people on here calling her a brat because she isn't willing to settle for second best and wants to play.

That to me is well out of order. Either she wants to play in a competitive team or she doesn't. But she isn't a brat for choosing either route.

I think it's a good life lesson. If things don't work out the way you want them to then the onus on you is to decide what you want and change them. Professional players do this all the time.

It's common in all workplaces to move if you aren't getting the career development you want, especially if it is at the expense of what you believe is a poor performer.

What's important is to set your goals, appreciate their are going to be consequences to your choices and them pursue them. Rather than settle for some stuff you don't want and that limits your opportunities in some sort of misguided belief that the collective is more important than your own personal development.

Rather than expecting her to "check her attitude" I'd be encouraging her to go out and find out whether or not she really has what it takes if that's what she wants rather than listen to the assumptions of people on the internet. No one on here knows whether she is good enough or not.

And if the try outs don't work she can always stay at the old club and be non the worse off provided she doesn't spend time talking about it.

I'd be annoyed too. Especially as they told you after you had paid the fee. I bet the girl's parents are friends of the coach.

I thought it was each player had to have a different number. Goalkeeper are usually 1 but they were allowed to pick whatever they wanted when they were little. She has always been 51. The new Goalkeeper arrived in a new kit with 51 on the back.

Thank you. She just wants to improve and get better. She needs game time to do that. The team is competitive and I am not sure why this girl has been drafted in but I think they want a massive squad all paying training fees. After I put this on here. 2 other parents have emailled me and their daughters game time has been cut to 1 in every 3 to 4 matches they were saying so they want to move but the club has done this after all registering and fees have been paid. My husband has had an email back from the club chair saying we can have a refund as the terms and conditions have changed so thats a relief and we can put it towards her new path.

Kids just want to play and I think some comments in the post maybe from people who do not have kids playing football. I don't know. I just want her to play and be happy

One of the defenders plays. She has only missed 2 games in the last 4 yrs

Sorry I was replying quickly this morning. So sorry you are right. Brain had gone.