Aibu by being upset about dd's treatment by football club

[Ceceprincess80]

My daughter has played football since she was 4 years old. She has played for 3 different teams and has ended up playing in goal which she likes. She is now 13, almost 14. There has been a change in coach and a new girl has been drafted in as another goalkeeper and my daughter told she now needs to share playing time. The coach waited till after we had paid the registration fees for this season before saying anything. They initially wanted them to spilt each game and we said no as we didnt want to travel to the faraway games or 40 miles for 30 mins playing time and could they do 1 game on and 1 game off. The team played a friendly this week and my daughter did well and made some good saves. The other goalkeeper let in 3 goals and gave a penalty away because she pushed the striker over. My daughter ended the game upset and frustrated that this player has been added to the squad and she is not particularly good. We asked our daughter what she wanted to do? She doesn't want to play with the team anymore. Its so sad as she loves some of the defending girls in her team but she feels so sad and upset she can not stay. I feel cross and sad for her. Am I being unreasonable if I complain about her treatment and get the registration fees refunded?

Presumably most other teams have a goalie so if she swaps teams she will have the same problem

Maybe treat this as a learning opportunity- what it means to be a team player.

If every player who wasn’t getting the full 90 minutes refused to play a team wouldn’t have any subs. Does she think she’s too good to be a sub at all? That attitude needs changing- they may prefer a weaker player with a good attitude and not play your daughter at all

Good grief, listen to yourself! Football is a team game. The rest of the players travel to games and may not play the full match. How petulant and entitled to flounce over this. You and she are not team players. She can't expect to always be the only player in any one position. That is a risky position for the team, surely you see that?

Surely as as a team member you show up for all matches - even if you aren't chosen to play at all?
Isn't 2 goalies an essential minimum?

“LilacBalloons · Today 06:32
I don't think it's a great lesson for her if you all agree she should quit when things aren't going exactly her way. It's normal in youth sports for roles to be shared and play time split between players, especially in a team game like football.
I would encourage her to be a team player and keep going, at least for a while. Encourage her to use this as motivation to train even harder. Remind her that one of the joys of sport is perseverance wven when times feel tough.”

This with bells on.

Your daughter needs to work on her being part of a team skills. This is a good lesson for her. .

I’m amazed that currently 25% of people think you are being reasonable. It would be ridiculous for a team to have just one possible goalie - what would happen if your DD was ill or injured or for any other reason couldn’t play one day? The coach is absolutely correct in wanting to train up another possible keeper and your DD (and you) needs to accept that the world doesn’t revolve around her. Football is a TEAM game.

My sympathy was lost when you mentioned not going to away matches.

YANBU OP.

My son is a goalie and I get what you’re saying. It’s completely different to playing outfield. As the keeper, you coordinate and control the defence. It’s a fixed position. It’s not like outfield players, who can be subbed on and off depending on changes in formation.

Also it sounds as if your daughter is the better goalie. It’s incredibly frustrating to keep a clean sheet in your half of the game, only for the other keeper to give goals away.

And contrary to what other posters have said, unless your daughter is frequently absent, teams at her age at grassroots level don’t need 2 goalies. My son has only missed one game in 10 years, and that was obligatory due to a positive covid test. Most teams will have an outfield player who’s good enough in goal to step in on the rare occasions they’re needed.

Having said that, I would encourage your daughter to stick it out. From what you’ve said, she’s the better of the 2 goalies, and it won’t take long for the coach to realise that they’re losing games by subbing her off.

Your daughter sounds very entitled and selfish to be honest. Personally I would use this as a teaching experience that she can't be top of everything.

Your DD should give up team sports altogether and find an individual sport she enjoys and can compete in without having to be part of a team. She doesn't have what it takes to be a team player.

A team player would have accepted the half-and-half of each match and asked to be supported to learn coaching skills in order to be able to contribute during the time the other player is in goal with coaching and supporting the new weaker player to be upskilled.

A team player wouldn't want to be the only player a team has that can play in a particular position. That weakens the team. Strengthening the team includes helping weaker players to gain experience.

That's sport I'm afraid.

If you're not happy with the coach I would suggest setting up your own team and see how you get on, I would imagine not well to be honest.

Yeah what happened to supporting your team?

the daughter and mother don't think it is a team sport. they think it is the daughters show.

There’s a reason employers like to see team sport in cvs. It’s because you understand about working together as a team, about supporting each other, being there for each other. Or, as in this case, you quit as you want everything to be completely about you, designed to suit your needs with zero support for anyone else.

Very immature attitude about it from yourself and your DD. The role of being sole goalkeeper wasn't promised to your DD. And it would be daft of the coach/team to just rely on one person to do that role. If she couldn't attend a match they would be lost.

As for the new goalkeeper, practice makes perfect.

I don’t know how things work with football teams generally, but I can see lots of people with that knowledge have responded. And I understand how your DD must be feeling frustrated and disappointed and how hard it is as a parent to watch that. But I think this is one of those moments when you try your guide your DD through those feelings. It’s ok to feel all that but then we move on. We can’t expect that things will always go our way and sometimes stuff is hard but we get through it and not jump ship. Good luck.

This is normal in grassroots football. Sounds like your DD has a bit of a bruised ego that she isn’t “the” goalkeeper anymore.

I am gobsmacked at the notion of not going to a match if you're not playing all of it. One year my DS broke his arm in an unrelated accident half way through the football season. He still went to support his team at nearly all their matches while he was out injured.

You're incredibly unreasonable. And I speak as a mum who's been watching her DD play football for 35 years!

As someone else has pointed out, you and your DD seem very unsuited to team sports. Everyone in a team, right from the start, recognises that someone could end up taking their place at any point. One's place on the team isn't a gift, and a new member is always a potential threat. Which is why commitment to training and improving is vital.

It was very petulant of you to refuse to go to games if DD only plays a half. Watching part of a match and learning from what's happening on the pitch is also part of a footballer's education. As is supporting ones team from the benches

You are being very unreasonable, and your role here should have been in supporting your daughter in managing the situation, not in sulking and punishing the manager and her team mates.

If your DD loses her place on the team, it will be because she's proved that she's not a team player @Ceceprincess80 . So you're both risking her place in the team by behaving so petulantly.

I see good players on my daughters teams sit out whole chunks of the game every match. They don't sulk. They watch their team and enthusiastically encourage them from the touchline. In not doing so (with your support) your daughter is making a huge mistake. She will be seen very differently now, by her team mates and her coach. You have done her no favours.

2 goalkeepers is great for the team. Your dd will benefit from someone to train with who understands pressures/skills required for goalkeeper. Competition will push your dd to keep her standards up. Also less pressure to be st game if she is ever sick or injured.

Game time being shared is normal and both goalies should go to all games so that there is cover for injuries during the game. There will be few people on the team who get full game and they will still travel.

You will find as time goes by the stronger goalie will get more of the game time so I expect she will get more game time as they get older.

The football club have treated her completely normally. She's not the queen of all goalkeeping and the other GK is allowed to have a bad day (or several) without this kind of bitching. They're teens and these teams are there to help them develop, not to be the finished article from the off. She needs to learn a bit of humility and be much more of a team player rather than sulking and flouncing.

Ironically your daughter isn’t really a ‘team player’, is she? You both sound like you think she should be the star player and the only goalie.

Honestly, I’m embarrassed for you.

There is no sportsperson in the world who gets to be entirely ‘secure’ in their spot without fear of someone else arriving.
Competition is part of the sport. It would do well for your DD to learn now that she needs to be good at the mental part of performance and stick it out in the situation she is in, whilst continuing to improve her on field performance and keep being the best.
It’s a good lesson for her to learn and master at this age. If she is really good, she will need to learn this lesson to be able to progress as she grows up. Tell her this is the part that makes a good player into an excellent player actually.
She isn’t excellent if she bails out of the team each time she has any competition…