AIBU to feel upset after my meeting with my manager?

[derFutterneid]

I have been working somewhere for nearly 10 years, after being a SAHM. I loved my job, but the company has gone through many restructures and it has changed completely.

Over the past 2 years we have had many redundancies and people not replaced. As a result my workload has massively increased. On top of this many of my colleagues have sought out doctors notes, and other things to exempt them from certain tasks. I have been given this extra work too. This has caused me a lot of stress. It also affects others and a few of my work colleagues are now on antidepressants or have left. Our staff turnover is horrendous. People are leaving with no job to go to. Everyone is unhappy and it is a toxic environment.

Anyway, I had my appraisal and it went OK, but afterwards I realised I had been downgraded. I asked some of my colleagues, not directly, but they confirmed they received higher. I was really upset about this, as I'd say I was one of a few people who do the lions share. I even manage the department when there is no manager. Since my boss is on holiday I asked the next level up (it is usual to escalate to this person) about my appraisal.

What then followed has really shocked me. I was told that it had been agreed amongst them to downgrade me as whilst my work was excellent and appreciated, I had a bad attitude and my behaviours are not aligning with what they list as what we should be demonstrating. Apparently people say hello to me, and I have my head down and barely acknowledge them or I am in a mood and people tread on eggshells around me. I am a thorn in the managers side, and I bring problems to the manager but not solutions. I am abrupt. I was totally shocked by this because in the 30 years that I have been working, and the many appraisals I have had, I have never had this feedback. In fact I have constantly been told I am very popular and respected and a go to person if someone needs help. I have never worked with this manager. It felt like a character assassination.

Some points;

I asked for some specific examples, but they could not name one.

I have never had a complaint made about me by a customer, or by a colleague in 10 years.

Apparently I am too outspoken, but they specifically asked me to join a group of staff to talk about branch issues. I asked to step down from this and was asked to stay as my opinions are valued. After one meeting the head of the company told my manager that they were really impressed with how I professionally handled myself. Seeing me upset, a friendly manager told me that I had pissed off one of the managers by questioning something, and that the company ask for my opinion, but don't always like the answers.

In this company, I have had at least 18 appraisals and mid years, and not once have I ever had feedback on my attitude. There is no history of this whatsoever.

Now, I am not disputing my attitude and behaviours. However I asked them to put it into context. I am covering a very large portion of the workload. I have asked to reduce my hours, and change my days (there is one week a month where I work 7 out of 8 days in a row). I come home stressed out and crying. I have raised concerns numerous times about my workload and improving my work life balance. These have all been rejected as we are short staffed and it doesn't suit the business. I asked to move department and they have said no. So, with that in mind, yes I look stressed, I look unhappy, I may not be skipping along saying hello to everyone. However, no one has complained about me, neither staff member or client.

Apparently they have observed this about me for a while, and my manager should have addressed it with me, but they did not. Even though I spent an hour and a half in my appraisal. Apparently they are too scared of me. I am in my 50's and they are in their late 20's.

FYI this is a minimum wage job. I do have another PT job which I can increase the hours. I don't really need the money, but I saved and invested all that I earned and felt I was contributing to my household and our future.

This manager suggested that I get my manager and a couple of other managers who also work along side me in a room and they tell me bluntly about my attitude and behaviours, I can then go away, reflect on it, and come back acting differently. I don't really like the sound of this!!!

My DH is not being very supportive about me leaving. He says I shouldn't till I get another job, but I just don't see how I can stay if this is what they think of me. My adult DC say that I am going to end up having a heart attack or stroke and it is not worth it.

AIBU to be upset, or is this kind of feedback normal?

What would you advise me?

What's stopping me leaving;

The money was invested and it feels good.
I like to be busy, and have structure to my week.
I'm in my 50's, it'll be hard to get another job. However, I do have another job that I enjoy and I can develop (I am a pilates instructor)

I would go to the gp and say you aren't sleeping and shaking with stress due to this particular job and get a sick note. That way you don't have to return. Then hand in your notice - how Long do you have to give? Or hand in your notice today and get a sick note or just phone in sick or take annual leave? They must pay you the annual leave you haven't taken

They are shitty managers and its probably not that they want to get rid of you but that they can't cope with managing you

Pilates is the new fitness fashion class at the moment- so make the most of it as in 10 years it'll be something else, by then it wont matter

I would leave and I certainly wouldn't agree to a meeting where 2 or more of them can tear my character to shreds. Bad enough they've said it without any actual examples but to then want to pile on is appalling.
I had an appraisal years ago and I knew I was very good at my job in retail always helpful, willing to do anything, friends with colleagues and popular with customers, I was the only one who would stay late or do shifts i didn't normally do to cover staff shortages and my appraisal was that I was just below average. I asked him why that was and it's apparently because they were very big on doing charity stuff and had started helping with a graveyard cleanup every month and I hadn't done it. I told him i had worked a 2 hour morning shift for free while a colleague went to do their bit because I can't physically do that sort of stuff, it wasn't compulsory and not my job to make them look good. He did put me back to just above average but I never worked another extra shift or stayed late.

I have only ever left one job with no job to go to but that worked out ok in the end. It sounds like you have put up with a lot for a long time and now is the time to say enough is enough. As pp have said work out how much AL is owing to you and make sure that gets factored in to your notice. Edited to agree with others, if you teach Pilates you have a brilliant fallback career. Impossible to find classes with spaces where I live.

My advice is - leave. For your own wellbeing to ensure they can't get into your head any more than they already have.

But you have a number of options as to how to do this:

1. Get signed off sick with work-related stress, as they have made you ill. I would suggest you consider doing this anyway in addition to whichever of the following options you choose, to give you time to consider your next move. If they were to contemplate giving you a bad reference due to sick leave it could be very risky for them, if the evidence on your fit note indicates they themselves made you ill.
2. Resign. Either a straightforward factual resignation letter or one that clarifies the reasons for your resignation/the fact that they have caused your current ill health (you can stay on sick leave throughout your notice - check your contract to determine your notice period). You could also choose to say you are contemplating options 3 or 4, but would prefer to leave on amicable terms including a positive reference.
3. Raise a formal grievance. Just to point out that it will probably be a difficult and painful process and (given what you have described about the workplace and its management) is unlikely to give you a satisfactory outcome. But it may be useful if you choose option 4, as it will show that you have tried in good faith but unsuccessfully, to resolve things with your employer. It could also force them to produce the evidence to justify their decisions (so it will be obvious if this is flimsy) and you can raise any potential sexism/ageism concerns.
4. Claim constructive dismissal - though in practice this can be very challenging to prove. So you would need legal advice in case you are contemplating this.

I think you need to decide whether to leave this shower behind you and move on with your life, or fight to hold them accountable. That is entirely a personal decision, so please do whichever works best for you. Just to point out that as you are being overworked it is unlikely that redundancy is on the table; it is the job, not the person in the job, which is made redundant. So I wouldn't hold out just for that.

But they can do it which is the opposite of what you said in this post.

I completely disgaree about leaving. I’ve also been treated badly by manager but I will not be pushed out of a job I am good at. No way will I let the bullies win.

As for those suggesting a supermarket job, wake up! Do you have any idea how hard it is get a supermarket job? Many rounds of application, situational analysis etc, most applications thrown out by AI. Near to impossible.

It sounds like those giving appraisal have no idea of how to do their job. Basically they are idiots. Do you stick it out and do the minimum or do you leave? Only you can decide what makes you happier.

I’d have a word with ACAS, I’m wondering if you have grounds for a potential constructive dismissal case.
Meanwhike, you could go down the quiet quitting route, work to rule, take sick leave if your GP will sign you off , and start applying for other jobs.

Thinking about it OP, I’d have that meeting with the managers. Go in and say “before you start, have this” and put your resignation letter on the table and walk out of the room. Bugger all they can do.

Whilst waiting for the meeting and during your notice period, work to rule.

It's a toxic work environment and they are clearly taking advantage of you. You sound like you're working far too many hours. It's not your responsibility as an employee to make up the work of other people. It's the company's responsibiity to staff their business properly.
As for the assessment, I would take it with a pince of salt. It sounds like the business is not replacing people who leave and lots of people are leaving. They are in trouble and they are trying to blame you but in all likelihood, downgrading you is a cost saving exercise and not based on bad feedback at all. Otherwise they would have lots of actual examples.
If I were you, I would leave. Go to your GP and tell them the effect it is having on your mental health and get signed off. Let them manage without you if they dislike your attitude so much. Then look for another job, if you want one, and then hand your notice in. Stop acting as though you owe these people something by picking up extra work, dancing to their tune. You owe them nothing - apart from your resignation to be honest. They sound horrible.

Don’t do this. You need to maintain the moral high ground and your position as someone who has behaved properly. Do find another job as others gave suggested and give proper notice and leave. They are clearly trying to force you out. At this stage of your life and a stressful minimum wage job it is not worth fighting.

Get as much sick leave as you can out of the bastards, then resign. Build up your pilates business whilst off. You can do it ❤

Yes. I worked in a job where they used a very straightforward appraisal system which worked well. They changed it to an American system which used graphs and was very complex. We were not only measured by how well we had achieved the goals and targets that had been set, which I would expect, but also how by much we had gone beyond that in terms of extra tasks and initiatives. This was for a low paid, low level job.