AIBU to feel upset after my meeting with my manager?

[derFutterneid]

I have been working somewhere for nearly 10 years, after being a SAHM. I loved my job, but the company has gone through many restructures and it has changed completely.

Over the past 2 years we have had many redundancies and people not replaced. As a result my workload has massively increased. On top of this many of my colleagues have sought out doctors notes, and other things to exempt them from certain tasks. I have been given this extra work too. This has caused me a lot of stress. It also affects others and a few of my work colleagues are now on antidepressants or have left. Our staff turnover is horrendous. People are leaving with no job to go to. Everyone is unhappy and it is a toxic environment.

Anyway, I had my appraisal and it went OK, but afterwards I realised I had been downgraded. I asked some of my colleagues, not directly, but they confirmed they received higher. I was really upset about this, as I'd say I was one of a few people who do the lions share. I even manage the department when there is no manager. Since my boss is on holiday I asked the next level up (it is usual to escalate to this person) about my appraisal.

What then followed has really shocked me. I was told that it had been agreed amongst them to downgrade me as whilst my work was excellent and appreciated, I had a bad attitude and my behaviours are not aligning with what they list as what we should be demonstrating. Apparently people say hello to me, and I have my head down and barely acknowledge them or I am in a mood and people tread on eggshells around me. I am a thorn in the managers side, and I bring problems to the manager but not solutions. I am abrupt. I was totally shocked by this because in the 30 years that I have been working, and the many appraisals I have had, I have never had this feedback. In fact I have constantly been told I am very popular and respected and a go to person if someone needs help. I have never worked with this manager. It felt like a character assassination.

Some points;

I asked for some specific examples, but they could not name one.

I have never had a complaint made about me by a customer, or by a colleague in 10 years.

Apparently I am too outspoken, but they specifically asked me to join a group of staff to talk about branch issues. I asked to step down from this and was asked to stay as my opinions are valued. After one meeting the head of the company told my manager that they were really impressed with how I professionally handled myself. Seeing me upset, a friendly manager told me that I had pissed off one of the managers by questioning something, and that the company ask for my opinion, but don't always like the answers.

In this company, I have had at least 18 appraisals and mid years, and not once have I ever had feedback on my attitude. There is no history of this whatsoever.

Now, I am not disputing my attitude and behaviours. However I asked them to put it into context. I am covering a very large portion of the workload. I have asked to reduce my hours, and change my days (there is one week a month where I work 7 out of 8 days in a row). I come home stressed out and crying. I have raised concerns numerous times about my workload and improving my work life balance. These have all been rejected as we are short staffed and it doesn't suit the business. I asked to move department and they have said no. So, with that in mind, yes I look stressed, I look unhappy, I may not be skipping along saying hello to everyone. However, no one has complained about me, neither staff member or client.

Apparently they have observed this about me for a while, and my manager should have addressed it with me, but they did not. Even though I spent an hour and a half in my appraisal. Apparently they are too scared of me. I am in my 50's and they are in their late 20's.

FYI this is a minimum wage job. I do have another PT job which I can increase the hours. I don't really need the money, but I saved and invested all that I earned and felt I was contributing to my household and our future.

This manager suggested that I get my manager and a couple of other managers who also work along side me in a room and they tell me bluntly about my attitude and behaviours, I can then go away, reflect on it, and come back acting differently. I don't really like the sound of this!!!

My DH is not being very supportive about me leaving. He says I shouldn't till I get another job, but I just don't see how I can stay if this is what they think of me. My adult DC say that I am going to end up having a heart attack or stroke and it is not worth it.

AIBU to be upset, or is this kind of feedback normal?

What would you advise me?

What's stopping me leaving;

The money was invested and it feels good.
I like to be busy, and have structure to my week.
I'm in my 50's, it'll be hard to get another job. However, I do have another job that I enjoy and I can develop (I am a pilates instructor)

I would also suggest getting signed off sick for work stress, and do mention the bullying to your GP. Medical evidence of workplace stress should be submitted if you pursue a claim.

@derFutterneid btw I wouldn’t worry too much about the reference issue. If you end up in an interview at all (and you may never do so because I too am sure the Pilates will work out) just tell the interviewer yourself that you had no sick leave in 10 years until they burned you out and you had to accept medical advice and step back until you were fully recovered. If they like you, you’ll get the job anyway. Good luck!

I’m another who could have written something very similar & I’m sorry you’re going through this. I resigned (as soon as I could afford it) and I’ve never looked back. I’ve had 2 temp jobs since, leading to a lovely PT min wage job I see myself happily continuing in until I retire. Years later when I meet ex-colleagues for coffee - the toxicity continues and I thank my lucky stars I put myself first for a change. They don’t deserve your loyalty so let them find someone else to treat like shite. Not all workplaces are like this, wishing you the very best of luck x

I'm so sorry, I can't believe they downgraded you when you work so hard for them. I'd 100% leave but I also would only work my actual job requirements in the meantime. No going over or beyond, no handover to support staff who might be lining up for your role. If you can develop your pilates business on the side to make it your full time job, I'd do that. I'd use all your annual leave and days owed then tell them you won't work somewhere where you are killing yourself with workload and completely under-appreciated.

Although, I would be tempted to challenge the downgrade first... I don't know if they can do that if your work is 'excellent'. Can you speak to ACAS?

Ok you win. Well done.

I would leave they don't appreciate your work or manner and if you accept this downgrade you are accepting you are difficult. It sounds as if one of the people on the appraisal board doesn't like you,is quite forceful and the others have not gone in to at for you.How we are perceived can be a shock,but if you have never had this kind of feedback before it sounds like a personality clash.

It was a valid observation @localnotail

I wouldn't leave just yet OP because it seems like a knee jerk reaction which will play right into the hands of the managers who seem to want rid of you by the cheapest method possible. The meeting that they are attempting to plan could be construed as bullying!! especially if their intention is to character assassinate you!!
Push back passively! Find your original contract if you can with duties listed and work to rule!! If they want a meeting with you then get ready to have someone with you to take notes or tell them you are recording the meeting so you can address points made at a later date in a further meeting. They have downgraded you so you have every right to revert back to the job as it would be for those conditions. If they are concerned about staff morale then it is up to them to improve working conditions so everyone is happy, smiley and cheerful. Not always achievable when you are bogged down with overwork trying to meet deadlines because the goalposts have moved every time someone was made redundant and they put their work on other employees.
If you are intent on leaving then do as others have suggested and go for sick leave signed off by your GP and work your notice around the fit note. In other words do everything you need to make your future work/employment work for you with the Pilates.

This is a minimum wage job??

and you have been there a decade? You haven’t progressed beyond minimum wage @derFutterneid ? Despite all these glowing appraisals? Interesting

I would still say you are not allowed to give negative reference because to give one you need to have concrete evidence as you might get taken to court for defamation etc. Because of this, no one nowadays gives negative references unless something really bad had happened - but even then, most people avoid the hassle.

In OPs case, her bosses would be extremely stupid to say something negative as they have zero proof of her shortcomings.

Management will say whatever they need to in order to justify downgrading or dismissing an employee if they think ots for the good of the business.
Easy said than done but please don't take it to heart. Years ago I was in a similar situation where my appraisal was basically 2hrs of my line manager telling me about how unapproachable I was, not a team player, causing the business to lose customers etc. It later transpired that my line managers department was massively under performing which was a reflection on her Management skills and she needed a scapegoat quick before she got the sack, which ended up being me!

But again as that poster pointed out… you are contradicting yourself

They can’t “downgrade” this OP

she is already on minimum wage where she has been for 10 YEARS despite supposedly many many positive appraisals

1. Take some sick leave starting tomorrow due to the stress caused by the workplace
2. Make a GP appointment to explore with them if it’d be reasonable being signed off for longer due to manage your own wellbeing
3. With rest, when able, work to build your exit from this place. Hopefully while you’re off they’ll recognise your value. If not then you’ll have get yourself back to a place where you can build your future.