AIBU to lock the bathroom door despite my husband's objection?

[gimmeshelta]

DH is currently screaming at me because I went back on my word that I wouldn’t lock the bathroom door.

I’ve been under a lot of stress recently and have a diagnosis of ptsd. I need to find safe spaces when I’m triggered by something. It used to be in my car but I’ve sold it because we’re struggling financially. I broke down to my DH on Wednesday evening and said I was really struggling. DH hasn’t been the most supportive and has said my mental health issues are due to me not being proactive enough - despite the fact I hold down a household, a full time job and exercise to help myself.

Anyway, he’s always had an issue with me locking the bathroom door. He said married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there. I mentioned that I find it a safe space to cry and regulate myself (usually after a shower).

After a lengthy conversation he made me promise not to lock the bathroom door. There are no safety concerns about me locking the door - I don’t and have never self harmed, I’m not suicidal etc. I just like privacy. He told me he’d be angry if I locked the door again. So I just agreed not to.

Today I got a shower and forgot about the not locking the door rule. He was out but came back when I was getting out.

He screamed at me, said I’m not a “man of my word” and that I lied to him. I told him it was an automatic action and I’d just forgot. I asked why it was so important it was unlocked - was he worried about me etc? He said no, I asked you to do something, you agreed and then didn’t do it. I said I didn’t want to shower with an open door and he said this was weird

I’ve asked why it’s so important to him but he keeps screaming “you’re not even sorry”

Aibu?

This is horrifically abusive. No wonder you want a safe place away from him. Is there someone in real life you can talk to about this. This is seriously not ok and I'm worried about your safety. Beyond that, he has literally told you, he doesn't care about you, your feelings or your mental health only that you disobeyed his rules. He doesn't get to set you rules. You are not his child, you are not his possession. Please go and see your family and tell them what he's like. Don't cover for him, tell them everything, let them help you.

That is appalling! Please, find somewhere safe to stay, because this is no way to live.

WTAF? I only read about half of this. He's abusive. Leave. Now. Everything about his behaviour is a huge red flag.

married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there

I can't even...

What the absolute fuck?!?! If you want to lock the bathroom door lock the bloody bathroom door and while you’re at it kick him out! What an absolute arseshole!

Erm, leave 🚩 He sounds like an utter POS not just in relation to this incident which by the way you had every right to want your own privacy. You deserve so much more.

This is controlling. Don’t apologize for locking the door. “Married couples don’t …” isn’t true and doesn’t matter. You being comfortable is what matters.

Is he controlling in other ways?

Is your stress because of him?

@gimmeshelta The proactive thing you need to do is leave him. I think your mental health problems will improve significantly when you aren't being screamed at and controlled.

Me and DH both lock the bathroom door. It's not even a thing that we've ever discussed. Your husband is controlling.

Marriage does not convey ownership. You have a right to bodily autonomy no matter how long you've been married, and you, and you alone, have the right to decide if and when your husband sees you undressed or in similar private or intimate times. Anybody who doesn't respect that does not love you. Your husband is a nasty, abusive, controlling creep and the best thing you could do for yourself is to start making plans to free yourself of him.

If you have mh issues I bet they improve if you got away from your controlling dickhead of a h.

Your husband is a bad man.

You'll feel much better if you leave him.

This is abusive. Please get away from him. I am sure your PTSD symptoms would improve.

Not ok and you know it is not!!!

Even if you did have a history of self harming, he still has no right to demand you don’t lock a door, no matter how “concerned” he might be.

this is a power play, plain and simple, he’s being controlling

You need a break. That's the logical next step, to relax and destress. For a few weeks. Can you stay at your mums or a friends? ❤️

Once you have your strength back, you obviously should leave this man.

You have every right to privacy and to lock the door. He is controlling, therefore he’s abusive, you need to leave.

He is quite unhinged and he’s abusing you. I expect your mental health isn’t completely unaffected by this awful situation.

He's controlling and dangerous. Wanting privacy in the bathroom is absolutely normal and him insisting that you never lock the door when showering or going to the toilet is a massive red flag. Does he come into the bathroom on purpose when he knows that you are in there?

You really need to contact one of the domestic abuse charities such as Women's Aid or Rights of Women and start making plans to leave. I assume that you have had to get rid of your car due to finances but that he hasn't had to rid of his. Is that what happened?

Do you have children? If you do, what is your husband like with them?

I would be a nervous wreck if I lived under that pressure. Please take steps to get support and leave him. Womens Aid can be contacted by email if you lack the privacy for a phone call. You are being coercively controlled.

If you left him, I have no doubt your mental health would improve significantly. He is abusive.

Your husband is a bully. Tell him to fuck off, you don't live by his rules.

Tell him to get to fuck. No wonder your nerves are shot to bits x

https://womensaid.org.uk/information-support/womens-aid-directory/

"He said married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there."

That is controlling and abusive.

Are you a man or woman out of interest?

People who behave like your husband usually have something to HIDE themselves.
Whether it be an affair or an addiction, money problems etc. 😠
They want you to have no privacy and require access to you, your phone etc, as they themselves are paranoid and are protesting too much about you and your actions.

You are being abused. 😔
You need to leave this man.
You need treatment for your PTSD. 🫂
You need to help yourself.
You need to rally outside support.
You need to get your ducks in a row. 🦆
You need to put yourself first and LTB.

I hope you're okay OP @gimmeshelta