AIBU to lock the bathroom door despite my husband's objection?

[gimmeshelta]

DH is currently screaming at me because I went back on my word that I wouldn’t lock the bathroom door.

I’ve been under a lot of stress recently and have a diagnosis of ptsd. I need to find safe spaces when I’m triggered by something. It used to be in my car but I’ve sold it because we’re struggling financially. I broke down to my DH on Wednesday evening and said I was really struggling. DH hasn’t been the most supportive and has said my mental health issues are due to me not being proactive enough - despite the fact I hold down a household, a full time job and exercise to help myself.

Anyway, he’s always had an issue with me locking the bathroom door. He said married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there. I mentioned that I find it a safe space to cry and regulate myself (usually after a shower).

After a lengthy conversation he made me promise not to lock the bathroom door. There are no safety concerns about me locking the door - I don’t and have never self harmed, I’m not suicidal etc. I just like privacy. He told me he’d be angry if I locked the door again. So I just agreed not to.

Today I got a shower and forgot about the not locking the door rule. He was out but came back when I was getting out.

He screamed at me, said I’m not a “man of my word” and that I lied to him. I told him it was an automatic action and I’d just forgot. I asked why it was so important it was unlocked - was he worried about me etc? He said no, I asked you to do something, you agreed and then didn’t do it. I said I didn’t want to shower with an open door and he said this was weird

I’ve asked why it’s so important to him but he keeps screaming “you’re not even sorry”

Aibu?

Wow Op… this is not ok at all!
You have every right to lock that door and the fact that he’s getting mad at you is abusive. Is he controlling in other ways too?

He sounds abusive tbh. That’s controlling to not let you lock the bathroom door.

That is awful, you're entitled to privacy in the bathroom PTSD or not. Is he usually controlling like this? Has he ever indicated why he doesn't want you to lock the door?

Wait until he leaves the house then change the locks and don't let him back in ever again. Technically you haven't broken your promise.

Your husband sounds like a nasty piece of work.

He sound deranged

The only rational explanation I can think of is if he is still concerned you might be at risk of suicide or self harm despite you trying to reassure him otherwise.

That apart his reaction sounds irrational and controlling

Get rid of your abuser and see your mh vastly improve.

Bloody hell been with my dh 25 years and not once have I had this conversation. If I want to lock the door I will. Same for him. But also he would never just walk in either. He would knock and wait for me to say you can come in. Or tell him no. I dont even owe him a reason if I say no. Because he is not my owner . He has no say in what I do . And that goes the same for me with him.
But he would never question it anyway. Or even insist on having any say in what I do in a bathroom/shower .
Its super controlling and weird that your dh has a issue with you locking a door.
I bet you would have less anxiety/stress if he wasn't so controlling and by the sounds of it aggressive.

Sounds like he is adding to, may be the root cause of, your problems

Locking the bathroom door is a perfectly normal thing to do, even if the only other pers9n in the house is your spouse

He is abusive, controlling and you don't have to put up with it

Do you have support around you?

my first thought was ‘is he worried you may harm yourself’ but then I read your whole post and he’s just an abusive cunt.
You know it’s not normal, right ?
Not relevant to my answer but are you male or female op?

Never said it before on here but you get my first LTB.
That behaviour must only be the tip of the iceberg in your home.

This is abusive.

He’s a twat. I lock the door even if I’m alone in the house! And so what. Get rid op.

You are being abused. Please start to making plans for the benefit of your own protection and safety.

Very abusive and controlling . You have every right to lock the door. I do, my DH does. It is normal. He’s very out of order .

Your husband sounds abusive. I always lock the bathroom even around partners. I don’t want people using the bathroom while I am in it. Him screaming and insisting that you have no right to privacy is disturbing.

You’re a grown adult who can lock any door you like! I’m honestly baffled that this man thinks you shouldn’t lock a bathroom door for privacy! Why the hell is he suspicious of what you’re doing in the bathroom?!

I agree with a PP, get rid of this man and I think your mental health will improve enormously!

My dear, no wonder you have ptsd.

Please call.Women's Aid 0808 2000 247.
Leave a message, good time to call you back, and number.

Tell them everything about the way your husband treats you.

Of course people who are married can (and do!) lock the bathroom door. If they don't, it is by mutual consent, not because one person has forced the other to swear they'll leave it unlocked.

Your husband is abusing you. The fact that you're doubting yourself indicates he has been contolling and coercing you for so long that you no longer understand what's normal and what's not.

If you're still in the bathroom and you fear what may happen when you unlock the door, please call the police.

Agreed. He is abusive. This is not normal , at all.

Fucking hell, you just automatically lock the bathroom door - it's ingrained and totally NORMAL to want privacy and you don't need to justify it at all! Sorry you've got a horrid husband.

I categorically have never and will never self harm. Hes not concerned about this. In fact, he’d told me he’d leave me if I did this

I also think you are in an abusive relationship. I'm really sorry this has happened to you

Your mental health would probably improve once you're out of this relationship.

No wonder your depressed.