AIBU to lock the bathroom door despite my husband's objection?

[gimmeshelta]

DH is currently screaming at me because I went back on my word that I wouldn’t lock the bathroom door.

I’ve been under a lot of stress recently and have a diagnosis of ptsd. I need to find safe spaces when I’m triggered by something. It used to be in my car but I’ve sold it because we’re struggling financially. I broke down to my DH on Wednesday evening and said I was really struggling. DH hasn’t been the most supportive and has said my mental health issues are due to me not being proactive enough - despite the fact I hold down a household, a full time job and exercise to help myself.

Anyway, he’s always had an issue with me locking the bathroom door. He said married couples don’t need privacy when showering or on the toilet and has been suspicious of what I’m doing in there. I mentioned that I find it a safe space to cry and regulate myself (usually after a shower).

After a lengthy conversation he made me promise not to lock the bathroom door. There are no safety concerns about me locking the door - I don’t and have never self harmed, I’m not suicidal etc. I just like privacy. He told me he’d be angry if I locked the door again. So I just agreed not to.

Today I got a shower and forgot about the not locking the door rule. He was out but came back when I was getting out.

He screamed at me, said I’m not a “man of my word” and that I lied to him. I told him it was an automatic action and I’d just forgot. I asked why it was so important it was unlocked - was he worried about me etc? He said no, I asked you to do something, you agreed and then didn’t do it. I said I didn’t want to shower with an open door and he said this was weird

I’ve asked why it’s so important to him but he keeps screaming “you’re not even sorry”

Aibu?

We don't lock the bathroom door, but when its closed we know the other is in there and don't disturb. Its called respect of privacy and there is none of that here.

I am perfectly calm. And troll hunting is against the guidelines. You think its bollocks? Report it.

Hysterics?! Really?

Very worried about you op as you haven't come back to us. Let us know that you are ok and please start thinking about ltb

I can’t believe what I’ve read, this is total abuse! I’m so sorry you are going through this 💓

Not the right thread to do this.

Ffs. Just don't. Pick a fight on another thread.

I hope you don't mind me giving you my opinion which may be a little dramatic for you but it is meant quite seriously regarding your siuationj with your DH. I do not know if your DH has ever been violent towards you or not, but the fact is he was screaming at you over his demands - not suggestions - that you do not lock the door and as you did lock it he has really overreacted. I'm asking you if he's previously been violent, as I worry that if you leave the door open, just for a quiet life, you are in one of your most vulnerable positions. You will be naked, wet and in no position to just jump up and defend yourself, should you leave the door unlocked and he comes in either as a voyeur or he may want sex or worse still he could harm you and may get away with it e.g. if you were pushed under the water by him and you drowned. I really do not mean to alarm you but his reaction is way over the top. He wants to know what you are doing in there - why? and what the hell does he think you are doing which needs his intervention. Please take note of all the posters, no-one agrees with his actions.

As others have said he is controlling and abusive
Your mh will improve vastly once you're away from this twat
LTB

You know damn well that @PyongyangKipperbang was not being "hysterical".

He’s abusive and controlling. That’s just weird to want you not to lock the bathroom door.

i wonder if his behaviour is making your MH worse? What’s he like the rest of the time?

Urgh, so he’s a sulking sex pest too. OP, are you happy with him?

Everyday I read something worse on MN.

It sounds like this isn't the only thing he does which is abusive op

Can you call womens aid for advice?

I guarantee your health wil improve when you dump this controlling man

Have the bathroom door lock/hinges changed to ones that can be easily undone if you faint or need emergency care. Use the lock every time you want to.

I never lock if at home ... but I do if staying elsewhere or if I'm home alone.

Everyone's own choice.

This!!

PTSD due to an assault (not by DH). Diagnosed by a psychiatrist, and have ongoing emdr with a psychologist.

Hes not been violent to me, but he’s violent and aggressively generally. He will throw things and they break during arguments. He’s thrown a pan through the window before and the window smashed. That was some time ago and he agreed to get help for his anger problems.

I know this annoys posters but writing it down helps me, I keep reading it back, so other things he’s done include telling me I can’t lie in/what time to get up, not to start antidepressants, limiting time I can see my friends (if I see them Saturday why am I seeing them Sunday?), awful when I’m unwell (denying me rest, saying I’m faking it, calling me weak, expecting sex).

when it’s all written down it’s honestly awful. It doesn’t feel bad 100% of the time

If you want to lock the door then do it. He is very controlling

Of course it doesn’t feel bad 100% of the time, or you wouldn’t put up with it. This is true of every abusive relationship. Abusive men can be some of the nicest men in the world when you first meet them. They’re not really, but they can certainly seem like it.

ETA: have you ever contacted women’s aid?