Neighbour calls at 8:30 am on Saturday to tell me she is stressed?

[Kate011]

And by neighbour I mean lady in my building two floors above me. Who says hi and stops to make small talk/chat with me sometimes.

I answer phone call at 8:30 am because I think it’s an emergency.

she starts telling me how she’s under a lot of stress right now because she lost her keys?

I ask if she wants me to let her in building, she says no, she’s in her flat, she had spare key to her flat and someone let her in building.

and asks me if Tesco does copies? (Tesco is like 3 minutes away by bus) And where she can get replacement?

I tell her council does replacements as it’s a council building. she then asks how to contact council to get replacement.

She knows I rent privately in this building from private landlord so don’t have contact with council and been living here much, much less than she did? So how would I know?

she lived in building 16 years, how does she not know how to contact the council about lost keys?

and what does she expect me to do?

Or was she expecting me to offer one of our keys while she waits for council key replacement??

She keeps ranting and complaining about how she’s so annoyed.

She has a close couple friend living in the building. They always hang out together.

why not call and tell them this?

she also has a daughter and two 18 year old grandkids who she says are super close to her living nearby.

she told me she has so many friends. Why contact me this early out of all people??

sometime ago I remember she knocked on January 1st on my door asking if my daughter can help connect her to/figure out her problem with her tv. I barely knew her then.

another time she kept complaining how she has no heating nearly all winter and doesn’t know how to complain to the council repair team. And asked if I knew how to. When she asked I suggested she ask her daughter for help she said “oh I don’t want to bother people, they have their own lives and problems” .

but calling at 8:30 on Saturday is bit ridiculous no?

Well I still stand by what I said block her she won't be any use to u in an emergency will she lol 😁

Don’t be ridiculous. This situation does not need kindness or compassion. The neighbour isn’t in difficulty or without any support. A call to a random neighbour is not needed especially at 8.30am.

I have met people like this. And they take. They do not give. They ask for money, you don’t get it back. They ask to borrow clothes. You never see them again.
They size up what you might have and see if they can get some of it. And have no shame in asking.

Maybe she just needed someone to talk to.
Maybe she notices your usually up and awake at this time.

Maybe she called her close friends and they didn't answer.

If a neighbor knocked my door or called me at 8.30 it's not biggie.

Finding this harder and harder to believe not just because of the impossible maths on their ages. Anyone that asks you such a mad thing needs to be blocked and blanked immediately.

Block her if she’s asking for money!

If she just wanted a chat she could have waited until a more social hour, surely. Would you ring someone you didn't know very well at 8.30 a.m.?

She contacts you OP because she doesn't want to disturb her friends and family. You are neither.

Set up a do not disturb on your phone, favourite contacts you only want to hear when calling/texting. If she is texting on Whatsapp then mute her so you don't see when she sends a message.

Stop answering your door if you know you don't have a delivery/expecting anyone.

YANBU.

And don't give her your keys! Ignore, ignore, ignore...

Yes, not helping someone doesn’t necessarily mean there’s no community. We still have that here but there will always be people who take the mick. Definitely agree about those who size people up for what they think they are good for or be able to do for them.

What does it help what I would do?

Block her. Move on.

Then the neighbour needs to get some perspective.
There really is no need to call someone you barely know to have a chat about this non-event. She could wait until her friends/family are available and then have a rant at them about losing keys and how to get replacements. One of them may even have a spare they could lend.

She asked questions, you answer them and maybe give a bit more guidance or assistance. "I don't know how to contact your landlord, you could try and search it online or look for your tenancy agreement with the details on" maybe even "I can hear you're really stressed so maybe your struggling to think straight, I can search online for you"

Have you no concept of the value of showing empathy? Even if you don't have a solution you can help someone feel better able to find it themselves. Hopefully you won't need someone to show you some empathy or help you in anyway.

To those who are wailing that this shows there's no community, no kindness left in the world etc... are you really suggesting that people should be endlessly available and endlessly willing/able to help others regardless of any personal inconvenience, otherwise they're not being 'kind' and don't have a sense of community? Personally I think there's a lot of middle ground.

I think it's nice to help out a fellow human being where possible, and I do so when I can. I suspect most of us are the same. But it's not either/or, and it's also perfectly fine to have boundaries and say no to people if something isn't convenient. I also feel this '#bekind at all times' mentality tends to be very gendered, frankly.

I really don't understand why you're giving it the headspace. You (reasonably) don't want to give her your keys so say no. Final answer.

The neighbour described would eat you for breakfast before you realised it.

Why on earth did you not exclaim 'its 8.30 on a saturday morning' and hang up, turn your phone on silent. This level of rudeness and entitlement does my head in.

So you have already had problems, and failed to explain to her clearly what your boundaries are? It's perfectly possible to tell a friend, acquaintance or even stranger that you keep late hours and don't react well to being called or contacted before x o'clock, or y o'clock at weekends/BH. I'm hoping you have the social skills to be able to do this kindly (but I have doubts, frankly).

And do not answer the door to her. If you bump into her tell her you are on the way out. Every single time.

Just say you don’t lend people money or things. Including your keys. Or clothes or anything. And do not explain it. Just state it. And leave it at that.

You need to block her.

Why aren't you saying No to all these requests? No she can't "borrow" money, keys, a kidney. Maybe a lift if you are going to the same place at the same time, otherwise No.

Yes

How can she be if she has two 18 year old grandchildren ?

Well good for you that you are happy to be mugged off by CFs and spend your day running after them
I couldn't be doing with that
Neighbour is a user

I’d help and offer advice to most people whether I knew them or not. If that’s not you don’t answer your phone.