Neighbour calls at 8:30 am on Saturday to tell me she is stressed?

[Kate011]

And by neighbour I mean lady in my building two floors above me. Who says hi and stops to make small talk/chat with me sometimes.

I answer phone call at 8:30 am because I think it’s an emergency.

she starts telling me how she’s under a lot of stress right now because she lost her keys?

I ask if she wants me to let her in building, she says no, she’s in her flat, she had spare key to her flat and someone let her in building.

and asks me if Tesco does copies? (Tesco is like 3 minutes away by bus) And where she can get replacement?

I tell her council does replacements as it’s a council building. she then asks how to contact council to get replacement.

She knows I rent privately in this building from private landlord so don’t have contact with council and been living here much, much less than she did? So how would I know?

she lived in building 16 years, how does she not know how to contact the council about lost keys?

and what does she expect me to do?

Or was she expecting me to offer one of our keys while she waits for council key replacement??

She keeps ranting and complaining about how she’s so annoyed.

She has a close couple friend living in the building. They always hang out together.

why not call and tell them this?

she also has a daughter and two 18 year old grandkids who she says are super close to her living nearby.

she told me she has so many friends. Why contact me this early out of all people??

sometime ago I remember she knocked on January 1st on my door asking if my daughter can help connect her to/figure out her problem with her tv. I barely knew her then.

another time she kept complaining how she has no heating nearly all winter and doesn’t know how to complain to the council repair team. And asked if I knew how to. When she asked I suggested she ask her daughter for help she said “oh I don’t want to bother people, they have their own lives and problems” .

but calling at 8:30 on Saturday is bit ridiculous no?

I’m curious, seeing as you seem to think it’s fine and normal. That’s why I asked whether you yourself would do it.

I personally wouldn't class 8.30 as a time to expect an 'emergenct call" especially as most business lines open at 8am. For me a call at 8.30 is normal.
As for her not knowing what to do/who to contact, maybe she's just flaky at not good at that time of thing therefore needing help. Maybe find out the numbers, jot them all down and tell her to stick them on her fridge for easy access

There are some people like this. It’s not always MH and I don’t understand where it stems from, but I had similar when I moved here. A neighbour was constantly knocking my door asking to borrow salt, cutlery, plates, rice, money, get lifts, etc. The more I helped, the more she asked for.

In the end, whatever she asked for, I said “No, sorry”. She stopped after a couple of times of that, almost as though she knew I wasn’t a sucker anymore. She still stayed friendly though, just treats me with more respect.

So, say “No, sorry - I don’t have spare keys”. If she tries to continue asking, just repeat “No, sorry”. Block her number on your phone. If she knocks at your door, either ignore her or say you’re busy. Say this briefly and shut the door.

You should find she latches onto someone else after a few goes.

How can she be 45 and have 18 year old grandchildren?

calling someone you barely know at 8:30 on a weekend not caring if they or their kids are asleep as a grown ass adult to “assist” and “guide” in such minor issues such as replacing your key especially when you have very close family and friends living in that same building you can contact is absolutely ridiculous.

there is helping someone who genuinely needs it and then there’s whatever this is.

i wouldn’t mind if she called at least bit later. Or if it is something she genuinely needed help with.

she says she doesn’t bother her family because “they are busy people with their own lives” but neighbours aren’t busy people who have lives?

someone on here suggested she didn’t because she doesn’t want to bother her friends and family and I agree.

i have helped this woman and other neighbours many times before.

My concept of the value of showing empathy is so huge, my family and friends call me a push over who lets people use her.

and btw I have faced similar and same issues before. I have lost my key before.

never in a trillion years would I think it’s appropriate to call her or even a close friend at 8:30 on a weekend to bother them about this.

and now she is asking me if she can borrow my key because she has to wait up to a week to get replacement from council. Because she doesn’t want to stand there and wait for someone to open door for her.

so she expects me to go without my keys for a week instead? And stand there and wait?? I guess I have no empathy because I don’t want to go without my key for a week so she can have it?

I sort my own life. I wouldn't mind people to call me at 8.30 am. I just don't answer if I don't want to be involved in a random neighbour's problems. If too needy I would block them and move on.

People like this just carry on if they think they can. If the OP writes out all the phone numbers for her, she’ll just be unwittingly agreeing to continue to be bothered by this woman. She’ll knock at the door and say “Do you think I should call the council today?” “Is the council open on Saturdays?” Etc etc.

The only way to stop it is to adjust the image in this woman’s head of OP as someone she can use. OP will then find the woman amends her assessment of OP and only contacts her in genuine emergencies if at all.

You are way too over invested and dramatic. Just block her. Don't engage with her.

Probably time to hit the block button, unfortunately.

OP your boundaries are very poor that you have entertained her at all.
She sees you as a fool.
Good luck.

I don't think 8.30 is that early for a phone call. Aren't most people up by then?
It would be too early to knock on someone's door but a call is fine IMO.

I think you need the context here- she's worried, maybe in a panic, maybe she has early dementia and a loss of cognitive function.

There are so many possible issues which you could consider.
The most obvious is she's not behaving rationally and that for me would show some MH issue.

She thought you'd be a kind neighbour and maybe offer reassurance.

I’m betting ops fudged the truth and she’s actually an elderly neighbour who’s looking for a bit of support/help/advice. I bet op posts “be kind” posts on social media too lol!

You forgot one - she is a user.
Not everything needs a medical label.

Apparently she's 45. No dementia.

What could you do differently to set a boundary and protect your personal space?

I wonder what stops you after realising her call was non-urgent, telling her you are still resting and will call her later when you have space.

The keys are a straight no. I can't do that. What gets in the way of saying this?

Why are you asking us all these questions? You could ask her? Help or don’t help but I don’t know what you want from this post?

Why do you all have the same keys?
Doesn't make sense.

Is this a key for the whole building rather then individual flats?

Look, cut this woman some slack.
Learn to be a bit more compassionate and less angry.

In your opinion she hasn't behaved as you would. There could be loads of reasons why- as I said, poor social skills, early dementia, low intelligence (can't work out how to contact the council etc)- but in life you cut people some slack now and then.

You've made a drama out of a small annoyance to one day in your week.

45 with 18 year old grandchildren? Early starters the whole family.
Doesn't mean she doesn't have MH issues or cognitive issues.

No I know.

its just I’m like this because I’m sick of dealing with this. she is not the first, she is like the millionth person. For some reason people come to me for ridiculous favours and also get angry when I politely decline.

last month I had a neighbour loudly bang my door demanding why I didn’t take in her parcel this time. ( I always take in her parcels I just wasn’t home this time)

another time I had a friend of a friend ask if I can tutor her son for free and call me greedy money hungry bitch and that “money is the root of all evil” and blocked me when I nicely said I couldn’t.

another time my mums friend I always do favours for called and asked for me to translate a document for her (I said I couldn’t as I was at work). I suggested she ask her son. She angrily said he’s busy! And hanged up.

I now hear she is badmouthing me how selfish I am.

Sad that this is how you seem to treat people who reach out and may have issues.

It comes over as if you need to change your social circle if you attract these sort of people. You're clearly renting in a block with people with poor social skills.

Can't you move?

Leave it and carry on. Get some new friends. Don't look back.

She is not reaching out because she has issues.
She is reaching out because she doesn’t think OP’s time is as valuable as her friends or relatives. It is also not an emergency.

Don’t be a doormat.

It’s not just people in my building. I don’t get why.

i always been happy to help. But I’m just feeling used now and like people are taking advantage of me. My family even calls me a push over

Sad that you judge a woman just trying to live her life and not be disturbed early on a Saturday morning!

The OP is not citizens advice. She is not this woman's daughter or friend. She's not the council helpline.There are other more appropriate people to go to before disturbing a neighbour at 8:30 am.

OP, you've been too accommodating in the past and she's ignoring your boundaries. "I'm sorry, that sounds like a total pain. I can't help but you could try looking online at the council's website."