AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

[WatchTheStormTouchDown]

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

Given that the dog is happy, has bonded with the family’s other dog and has human company all day, why do you think it’s unreasonable not to want to return it into an environment where it will spend most of it’s day alone while OP’s sister works ?

People post on here to gauge opinion.

As 2/3 are on OPs side and many of the posters who seem against her don’t seem to have read the thread and realise the dog would be sent back to be alone for a lot of time (at least I hope they haven’t read the thread, because if they actually think that’s ok, they’re very cruel) I think OP can know she is doing the right thing.

This. OP’s sister has essentially treated her as an unpaid dog sitter for seven months.

I think the op is wrong i dont care what others think

In these circumstances, it wouldn't happen. We do our due diligence and there's no contact between the person who gives up the dog and the person who takes the dog - exactly to prevent this sort of unfortunate situation happening. When you relinquish a dog it should be for life and you should never see it again (because it's incredibly traumatic on the dog).

But OP and her sister massively screwed the literal and figurative pooch. No one who knows anything about re-homing dogs could have thought this was ever going to be a good idea - OPs sister was always going to return and almost certainly want the dog back, be that in three years or as it turned out 7 months.

The best thing for the dog would have been to re-home through the Poodle Network or another breed specific rescue. That neither OP nor her sister thought to do that speaks volumes about them as owners and their ability to understand the basics about dogs - OPs sister turning up is unfair on the dog, no matter how much OP thinks the dog doesn't care.

The fact is, a bit of empathy and compassion for OPs sister would go a long way here. OP doesn't need the dog - she has one - and if the dog managed before home alone all day, it's not ideal, but it would manage. OP has already claimed that in 7 months the dog has moved on, so by that logic it could move on again from OP easily (right? Although tbh I disbelieve the dog is as settled as OP claims).

And the fact is that, realistically, unless OP has all the paperwork signed and it's all been properly done...she has no leg to stand on. And even if she does, she's going to burn all her bridges with her family for the forseeable.

@ThreadGuardDog also tagging you but I can see you have a bit of an axe to grind and just want to have a go at everyone who has a different opinion to you...

It hasn’t really come across like that though, has it.

OP has just stamped her feet and said ‘mine’ and has zero intention of giving the dog back.

Also, dogs don’t need company 24/7, they can be left on their own for some periods of time. I like dogs but people taking them everywhere and making sure they are never alone has just generated a whole host of needy clingy animals with behaviour issues.

We only have the OPs word that the dog will be left and let’s face it, she is so set on keeping said dog that she is not going to be painting the sister in a good light is she?

Dogs will adapt to a new home, what do you think rescue dogs do when they get rehomed after being with an owner for some years ?!

Try to be calm, tell her you only took the dog on the understanding it was permanent, the fact she has come back unexpectedly is irrelevant.

Yes I have but not being a dog expert I don't know whether that means much. I don't think I'm saying anything particularly controversial, other than think carefully about this before deciding but it sounds like she has already decided which is absolutely fair enough since it is her situation, not mine.

I would return him. Those poor kids have been through enough

I’m wrong and all your family are wrong? I don’t doubt you care for the dog and the dog cares about you and your family, but it will also reintegrate with its actual family. You need to give it a chance to work out what’s happening, and help it transition back to its family.

If you have genuine concerns about what care the dog will receive at your sister’s then it’s perfectly reasonable to voice those and ask questions about dog walkers, etc, to put your mind at rest. You and your husband wfh, you sound like you have a nice house and garden. I’m sure that on paper your house/financial situation is better than many dog owners’, but that doesn’t mean that those people don’t love their dogs or don’t care for them - nor that the dogs don’t love their families.

YANBU.

The dog would be going to a home with a much worse quality of life being left alone. He’d be very sad after having so much company from you and another dog.

Hopefully your sister will see that she isn’t making a decision that is right for the dog by trying to get him back. She is probably just trying to make her kids happy after everything, but I agree, this is only going to make things worse for everyone and the dog.

She is going to be working and looking after children. The dog will be alone A LOT of the time. She needs to see sense.

We’re only hearing one side but it sounds like the sister has a had a tough time of it and I suspect her ex wasn’t the kindest

the thread just as op feeling smug she’s the better mother, dog owner and wife

it’s not really about the dog

Yanbu at all but you have a fight on your hands

The dog is clearly better with OP.

Why do you want the dog to go back and be alone when the OPs sister is at work? The dog will be lonely.

Madness and bloody cruel.

Agree with this. You need to give the dog back in my view.

The sister was leaving the UK for three years. If she wanted to keep ownership of the dog she should have taken it with her, or permanently rehomed it. After that length of time the dog would essentially have belonged to OP and her family - OP knew that, which is why she did what was best for the dog and took permanent ownership. Having done that it’s not her responsibility to return what is essentially her family dog just because her sister’s plans haven’t worked out and she now wants it back.

Dogs are not commodities to be passed between owners on a whim. Owners have a responsibility to do what is best for the animal - in this situation it’s a no brainer that the animal is better off with OP.

And l’m not sure what your slightly ridiculous assertions re-single parents actually means - nobody here thinks people who have no spouse are ‘morally inferior’, or that they shouldn’t have dogs. It’s a matter of what is best for this particular dog - it’s now used to being with a family, it has human company all day and has bonded with the other dog. Putting it back into a situation where it’s alone all day, when that is not what it’s used to isn’t in the best interests of the dog. It’s that simple.

I think it sounds completely about the dog.

Constant company and another dog V being left alone

It would be very cruel to return the dog. The sister is going to be out a lot between work, school runs, kids hobbies etc.

You do know that lots of dog owners work? They make arrangements for their dogs and their dogs are happy.

It’s possible the sister will only work P/T anyway. The dog was absolutely fine with it’s family for 3 and 1/2 years.

Why don’t you both share him, he stays with you guys one week and them the next. He won’t mind as will see both places as home and love you all. It will also mean when it comes to holidays and weekends away, he can stay with the other family. What a lucky pup to have so many people wanting to love him x

Reading your updates, it is clear that the dog is better with you but your sister won't see it that way, she just want a quick fix at this time.

I think you need to stall and be diplomatic, getting the wider family to see your side of it, using the sisters situation and how a full time dog will be a burden to her at this time. If you just dig your heals in and make the point that the dog is legally yours then your sister will just get the sympathy vote

It’s 100% about the dog. And what is best for it. Which is not returning to OP’s sister.

Pity they left him behind then....

You really don't like her, do you?

Apologies.
OP, why bother with a thread?

He sounds like he has a lovely life with you, and I would keep him. Whose to say that he'll be passed around on your sister's next whim? She doesn't sound like a very responsible dog owner tbh.