AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

[WatchTheStormTouchDown]

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

assumuing ddog is happy and settled, you had an agreement and that doesnt change at all that she is back sooner than planned .Stick to your guns .

This is not about the humans and the dog is not an inanimate object. the Adult made the choice to give the dog up and the children are capable of understanding that the dog is happier where he is and they can go and see him. presumably they weren't inconsolable when the dog was given up in the first place?

yeah me too.

Do not give him back, he's yours.
Firstly, it was explicitly agreed this would be permanent. Secondly and most importantly, the dog sounds very settled and happy with you and its sibling dog.

They're selfish. Tell them to take a hike.

No, it would mean one dog being loved and cared for. The other one will have been taken from a happy family environment where it had company all day, was properly cared for and had bonded with another dog, to be put into a single parent home and left alone all day while that parent is at work and the kids are at school.

Have you not seen videos of dogs reuniting with owners. They're often quite nervous at first, but when they realise owner is there to stay, that's when they go mad.

But also presumably that's in your house, where your sister and family are tired from travelling and the dog is feeling in your house he's yours.
That's also from your perspective. Your sister might say quite differently.

Oh don't be ridiculous, OP didn't 'make' them at all! Sister tried to manipulate OP into a situation which suited her, which didn't work.

OPs sister agreed to transfer ownership, if she didn't want to she should have made other arrangements at the time.

OP I would keep your dog. If family harmony is really important to you, I would offer to return the dog IF your sister covers all the costs you've incurred by keeping him for 7 months - food, vaccinations, any vet bills.

Otherwise you've basically been a glorified dog-sitter for 7 months. Her relationship situation isn't your problem, and presumably her kids were sad at the time but would have got used to the idea of not having the dog by now

It isn’t her dog anymore. She said goodbye to it. And wasn’t expecting to return to it ever.
Now she wants it back. But doesn’t want to remember it is not her dog anymore.

You are absolutely doing the right thing. Keep the dog. As you said, he’s not a toy to be passed back and forth. He has settled with you after 7 months. I would definitely do the same in your position. It sounds like your dog will have a wonderful life with you!

But as someone who is involved in rehoming would you remove a dog from a very good home to give it back to the home who voluntarily gave it up?

Absolutely this. The dog is at the mercy of the humans involved and they need to be responsible and do what’s best for the dog, not themselves.

It’s sad for your sister but it’s very obviously in the dog’s best interests to stay with you. He has someone there all day, he is bonded to your other dog, he sounds happy, he wasn’t overly bothered when they visited him, he gets better vet care and grooming and you will have more time than she does.

You also agreed as a family that you could only take him on a permanent basis after losing another dog. As the dog is settled and better with you, prioriting your family also is right.

No brainer, he stays with you.

It’s nice that you have offered to support her with childcare and other things as being a single mum is tough. Hopefully she will recognise your kindness in offering that.

Exactly. And it will have been taken from a family environment where it had bonded with another dog and had company all day, to be put into a home where everyone is at work all day and the only person the dog will see is the dog walker. THAT is what’s cruel.

yes this, keep the dog but as your sister is clearly a bit unreasonable this might sadly affect your relationship long term.

But i go back to what i said earlier, you had an agreement and the fact that she came back early is somewhat irrelevant.

the offer to look after her kids more (and thus help them see the dog) is a kind one, which she should take you up on.

Why did you put up a post in AIBU when you don't really want anyone's opinion other than those who agree with you

On the contrary I think it must be very hard for OP to cope with a sister who is so self centred she can’t even stop to think about the effect on the poor dog, who has no choice. Moving him from a family environment where he’s bonded with another dog, only to leave him alone for the most of the day while you work isn’t in the best interests of the dog. At all.

This post nails it. She can cheer her children up with a new puppy. You keep your dog.

Why have you directed this comment at this poster ? They are not the OP.

Then what’s the point of this thread?! You won’t give the dog back so that’s the end of it isn’t it?

As you have said, it will clearly cause a rift between your whole family but you don’t care.

So just carry on as you are.

Nope dog is settled, registered,well cared for and a family dog with OP

Why cant the sister get a new puppy / dog for her children now they are back ? they will still be able to see OP dog.
Shes the one that left her dog regardless of reasons.

I am not the OP

Yes ip you made your decision so why do you need our permission?

I think the dog has completely settled with the OP and it would harm the dog to move it again, how is it going to be secure in its attachment with them?

Of course YANBU.

With you he has humans around constantly and another doggo. Sending him back to be alone all day would be cruel. She isn’t going to have time for him.

Keep the doggo! It sounds like he has the perfect life!

My friend had to leave her dog in the U.K. with her grandparents as her family were moving abroad for a set period. They didn’t abandon the dog. They thought it best for the dog to stay in the U.K. and avoid the stress of transportation to the new country.

The sister didn’t decide to ‘give away’ her dog. She asked for it to be cared for until her return, but was forced to sign over ownership.

Ah, so no single parents should ever have dogs? Right. Perhaps we could extend that to children? I mean, they’re obviously morally inferior not having a spouse.

I don’t doubt the OP has looked after this dog well, but it’s cruel not to give it back IMO. There’s nothing to suggest the sister is going to mistreat the dog or doesn’t care about it.