AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

[WatchTheStormTouchDown]

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

From your posts it seems likely that returning the dog to your sister won't work and she will need to have it rehomed again.

I think your sister needs to create a settled home environment before she takes on further responsibilities. A dog is a financial and time intensive family addition and your poodle deserves to be treated with respect and care.

Your sister has lost her marriage and her kids have lost regular contact with their dad. It seems very cold to not consider this at all in your desire to keep the dog. He will
not have forgotten them in 7 months and he will settle back with them fine. You should give them their dog back and get your own kids a puppy.

Well if you had read ALL of OP's posts you will see he is NOT more closely bonded with the sister.

She decided not to take the dog with them. She decided it was a good idea to move abroad without the dog. She also thought about letting 3 people dog share him! That, I think, is disgusting and no true dog lover would do that.

Also she works 3 days a week whereas OP works at home. So no contest

Well if you would be devastated I assume you would not be going abroad and leaving your dog behind in the first place.

Me and DH moved abroad and took our dog and 6 cats with us. No way on earth would we not have.

Many years before that DH was offered a brilliant job abroad. We had a dog and we decided he would not be happy there so we did not go.

Not a saint but a caring dog owner. She is giving the dog a much better and happier life than selfish sister did or can

Sounds like you're doing what's best for the dog, OP.

Hopefully, your Sister will accept the help that you're offering.

So you think the dog that is settled and happy and has another dog to play with should go back to the owner that gave up the dog and is going to be at work 3 days a week.

Also she thought it would be ok for 3 people to dog share!! That is disgusting. Maybe you didn't read that selfish sister also ignored an eye problem that the dog had

this is such a difficult situation OP and can see why you and your children feel the dog is yours (and sounds like legally is!)
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.
but as a sister myself, I think I would give the dog back.
I am a dog lover but not dog obsessed (and don’t have a dog) and would choose my relationship with my sister over a dog.
it does sound like your sister was never keen on saying the dog was 100% yours to begin with but felt like she had no other option at the time.
I’ve read your comments about the dog not being fussed when they’ve seen your sister and that is really sad.
the dog is legally (and emotionally) yours so you can keep the dog but as I said, after only 7 months of bonding, I would give the dog back to ensure my relationship with my family and my sister is preserved.
I hope you come to a decision soon

Why didn’t your sisters family take the dog with them when they went away- pet passports etc

I'd just say after the death of your other dog, your dog has bonded with this one and it seems to be mutual.

I understand your sister wanting the dog back. But if it had been rehomed elsewhere, it's unlikely that would happen. You were very clear you'd only take the dog if it was permanent. It's going to make for difficult relations between you. You'll forever be thought of as the dog stealer.

Keep him

Tell your sister that sorry but he's got an attachment now to your other dog and you are putting his needs first and if she loved him she would agree that he's got a better standard of care now and company.
Your other dog will lose his friend if he goes back.
If she wants a new start then she should get a new dog. Not uproot her original dog just to be left alone at home.
You are not in the wrong in my opinion

I think I'd discuss "shared custody" in this situation, i.e., the dog stays with them sometimes for long weekends and during the school holidays. Broach it in terms of your sister rebuilding her life and getting reestablished so surely sharing his care would make things easier for her.

Our dog stays at our dogsitters' house when we go on holiday and he loves it, it's like his own holiday.

Give the dog back. Her children need it.

For the non dog people here, it's really obvious when dogs are attached to people. My dogs love visitors etc but even my mum (who they adore) says they never stop watching me. If they're out playing they constantly check in with me, even if it's just a fly by. Believe me, when a dog is bonded to people it sticks out like the proverbial.

The fact the dog was non plussed about the sister's family when they visited would have sealed the decision for me. If it had been obviously happy to see them and tried to leave with them, I'm sure @WatchTheStormTouchDown would have reconsidered.

My cousin did exactly this and left their dog with another cousin but sent regular payments to cover the dog’s food and vet bills. When they came back, after two years, they asked for the dog to be returned to them, and the cousin who was looking after the dog refused. They haven’t spoken since (and it’s years ago).

What's 7 months in dog years? 4 years ...

Of course keep the dog you took permanent ownership of. Also given your sister's plan to hardly be at home due to work, kids commitments etc it would be cruel to return the dog to a house that will be mostly empty.j

What if it doesn't? So it will be happy will it being used to having company (humans and a dog) every day to being left alone 3 days a week plus the evenings/afternoons when the children do their hobbies?