AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

[WatchTheStormTouchDown]

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

You're doing the right thing by the dog, OP. He has a happier, fuller, more active life with you & doesn't miss your sister & her children. It would be really cruel to the dog for him to be left alone for 3 days a week now. He'd think he'd been abandoned. Your older dog would also be bereaved again. Keep him, you're giving them both a much better life.

Your sister shouldn't have agreed to "permanent" if she didn't mean it.

Why are you just making up silly scenarios?

It depends on how long they had the dog beforehand- 7 months isn’t a very long time. Her children have obviously gone through a lot of upheaval and upset so having their pet dog back would mean a great deal. I think you are being very unkind.

She has kids. Do you have kids? I cannot believe you (or any decent person) would deprive two children of their dog when they have already effectively been deprived of their father. When my husband left me and I had to move the kids halfway round the world, our dog essentially became my co-parent - the nice parent who always listened and never criticized. I'm not sure how the kids would have got through all the grief and upheaval without him. I'm honestly gobsmacked at your selfishness. The dog will be perfectly fine going back to its first family. You would be within your rights to ask your sister to repay you for any expenses - but I wouldn't ask that from my sister, because I love her.

If the OP were to do this, what do you think her chances are of actually getting the dog back at the end of the stay at Dsis’ home ?

Rubbish. They could have taken him abroad but choose not to. Isn't that the same as abandoning him? Why would you want to give a dog back to people who didnt value him enough to take him with them and can only offer him an empty house as opposed to a family that's around all the time. Dogs are pack animals, they don't do well when on their own. They also settle very well into good homes that provide for their needs. Had the sister rehomed him to a stranger, which was probably the next step if a family member couldn't have him, do you think she would have a case to get him back? No, she wouldnt.

Keep the dog, who is settled with you. Your sister can't change her mind now. She can visit if she wants.

Oh what a great idea. It can be left alone 3 days a week plus afternoons/evenings when the children do their hobbies. If it is really lucky feckless sister might decide to move abroad again and leave it behind

@Glasgowgal200 Some places aren't well suited for pets though, my BIL took a job abroad and they brought their dog. Busy city where everyone lives in flats and hot climate. Their dog didn't last long despite them doing everything they could to make him comfortable. It might have been better to leave him as his sister would've taken him, but they couldn't bear to.

You might be "dog owners" but you certainly don't sound like dog lovers. The dog has a much much much much much better life with OP then he ever had or ever will have with the sister

Yes, the OP says her sister is not coping. That’s the OP who wants to keep her sister’s dog. What does the sister say? And ‘not coping’ could simply be normal upset and shock at the end of her marriage, not being incapable.

The OP has offered the sister to move in with her, she says. But the sister hasn’t agreed to that. Elsewhere the OP has said the sister hasn’t prioritised her children. That’s a big accusation - and we have no idea if it’s correct at all. In fact, maybe she desperately clu g on to her marriage and the move abroad to try to maintain stability for her children.

If the sister is so incapable, so chaotic, so pathetic, then why do the whole family think she should have her dog back? I imagine it’s because the planned move didn’t properly happen, the sister was only gone a brief time, the sister has escaped from a crap situation - and OP is being selfish keeping a dog that’s not hers.

I call the dog to the witness stand.

Truthfully, dogs care most about food and attention. Whoever gives it will be their current fave.

I can’t believe you would put a happy dog who is rarely left on his own into a house where he is left all day except for 30 minutes with a dog walker just to please 2 dc who are at school all day and doing clubs 3 times a week and will be spending school holidays abroad with their dad.
The dog is not a toy to please 2 dc, he is happy with op.

I haven’t read the entire thread but I’ve read all of OP’s replies and I completely agree.
OP’s sister agreed to rehome the dog. Circumstances changed but the arrangement didn’t and the dog is happy.
OP Dsis now isn’t coping well - adding the responsibility of a dog will not help!

OP, I think the advice you seek shouldn’t be about whether to keep the dog or not but instead about how to deal with the decision to keep it (which you’ve already made) and how to prevent this becoming a rift in your family. Because although I think you’re totally correct in your decision and reasoning, I don’t know how you go about dealing with the fallout.

Left alone during the day versus people at home for him all the time? It's a no-brainer for me - the dog is better off with you.

And I think it's selfish of her to want the dog, and to not be there for him.

I don’t have any axe to grind at all. And since when has taking part in a public forum been ‘having a go’. I’m looking at it from the dogs’ point of view. And you’ve missed one very important point. Dsis’ husband worked from home, so was there with the dog through the day. Dsis is now a single mum who will have to work to support herself and her children. So the dog will be left alone and in a situation it hasn’t experienced before, and away from a companion dog it’s bonded with. If you’re involved with the rehoming of animals, frankly your attitude is surprising to say the least.

No, he doesn’t. There’s nothing to suggest he wasn’t perfectly happy with his family before, and you’re just following the justifications of the OP whose motivation is to keep the dog for her own sake. The dog could return to his rightful owner, and be happy as Larry frankly. Why would it not?

Or, looking at it another way, the OP’s husband could walk out or some such other catastrophe, leaving her in the unfortunate position of having to sell the house, and have to seek a new job that can’t be worked from home.

We don’t know OP or her sister, but their family do. Their family have said the OP should give back her sister’s dog.

Thank you, thank you. You put it so well.

Well I think you are quite right to keep the dog and maintain his better quality of life. He is a sentient being who deserves more than being used as a toy or distraction to his own detriment. Stick to your guns. Further, I agree that it sounds like your sister needs the stress of a dog like a hole in the head with everything else she has going on! X

Happy to be left 3 days a week plus evenings and weekends after living with a family that spend most of their days at home with the dog. Plus he has another dog as company?

Are you for real?

It is so unlikely that the dog would be happy going back to flaky sister that it's untrue.

To be honest the family sound as selfish and idiotic as the sister.

Give them back their dog. You have one dog already and the dogs can still get together for meet ups and sleepovers. Perhaps suggest they settle back in to school routine first and see how their schedule lands before doing the return.

You wouldn't need to ask if you had read OP's posts

And none of this changes the fact that Dsis agreed to give away her dog permanently to OP. The whole family thought the move was a bad one. Clearly they were right. And OP has explained that the reason they want her to have the dog back is to keep Dsis happy. The issue here is what’s best for the dog, and clearly OP is the only one focused on that.

No, she can’t have the dog back. And no you are not buying her a dog.

outraged for the poor dog. Not sure what they do for work but my work paid for my family to travel with me including our dog! I moved to the states/uk/dubai and UK.

You ask 'Do you have kids ?' perhaps read OP's posts.