AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

[WatchTheStormTouchDown]

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

I hope they think more along the lines of a cat, if they really feel the need for a pet, though there are a LOT of responsibilities with cats also. It might be best if they just pause for a while. The family needs to concentrate on themselves right now. The family has been through turmoil and upset and it will not be over in a short amount of time. They have many variables they need to work out and I feel they don't need to add to their stress right now.

I haven’t put any words in your mouth. You said you agreed that OP shouldn’t give the dog back, until you read some of her posts, then you changed your mind. So your opinion isn’t based on what’s actually best for the dog, it’s entirely on whether you like the sound of the OP or not.

And upthread you posted this

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · Today 15:56
WOW!
I wasn't sure about how you felt about your sister but this seals the deal.
You dislike (hate) her, resent her and are proud of the fact that you now have two dogs and she has none.
Are you going "Nanny-nanny-boo-boo; kiss my little too-too! I have two dogs now and you have none. Nanny-nanny-boo-boo!"?
Do you dislike and resent her children too?
You sound WAY too happy about all of her struggles.
It takes all kinds,

I really don’t think you have any room to be calling other posters here rude crude and nasty because the above embodies all three.

They had him from a puppy and for years longer than you. Your niece and nephew have lost their Dad and moved countries. I'm horrified that you have no compassion or empathy for them in this situation at all.

He's far more their dog than yours.

We're dog owners. I would give him back or are you just trying to avoid the hard work of getting a puppy, in which case adopt a rescue or rehome.

I'm with the rest of your family - your sister and her children have lost their home and are in a very difficult and sad situation.

To fall out over an animal is just sad. When a family falls out, it rarely gets better quickly. Usually, it gets worse as people dig in.

The fact that the sister and her children are going to OPs and visiting is a good sign. The parents and all will take cues from the sisters, though there is nothing any of my kids could say or do to make me disown them or go NC with them because they and another sib are fighting.

You and I are both hopeful for a loving outcome in this.

I'm shocked at the number of posters who think that the dog should be given straight back to the sister - even though it's settled, happy and in a much better environment.

Sorry you're getting stick OP. I wouldn't be giving the dog back - I say that as a dog owner, but then again, I wouldn't have left my dog behind in the first place.

You're doing the right thing, and eventually your sister will realise this.

It’s the OP and others who have implied the sister’s situation is chaotic. We don’t know that it is. We can assume she’s upset, but that’s normal after a relationship breakdown. We don’t know she’s in chaos. Indeed, after the upset recedes, she might even be glad she’s away from her husband. Certainly I’ve come into my own since my divorce and gained a lot of confidence.

There’s no reason to think the sister is incapable of getting a divorce, her share of any joint assets, and a new home. She can then choose to stay home if she has enough to live on, or she can look for a new job that suits her circumstances. She might even get one wfh herself.

I think OP has said that she and the family weren’t keen on the move aboard. Perhaps the sister wasn’t keen either but felt compelled to do it to maintain her marriage? Perhaps she was coerced? Perhaps she simply made a mistake? She’s seen the light now, come back, not moved and stayed there like she said she would in the agreement with the OP, and it’s perfectly reasonable for her to want her dog back.

I do think the OP should get recompense for vet bills, insurance, etc, now or over a period of time. What would be best for the dog and the sister’s family is to be able to move forward from this disastrous attempt to move and erase it basically. Let the dog return to his family whom he’s known since he was a puppy, repay the OP and move forward.

Presuming the dog lives another 10 years, this handful of months away from his family will be a tiny speck in his memory. It was a mistake. We all make them. Crappy things like marriage break up, redundancy, etc, happen to us all. There but for the grace of god, as they say.

For me, the fact that the OP’s whole family agree she should give her sister her dog back says it all. The dog isn’t the OP’s. It wasn’t a replacement for the dog she sadly lost, it’s not a therapy dog for her children. It was the OP who insisted ownership had to be signed over to her when her sister was vulnerable. Who knows if the sister’s husband cajoled her to do that or to leave the dog behind in the first place?

Whatever sweetie.
You make up whatever scenario makes you feel powerful and controlling. You obviously need that feeling. Keep being big mad. LOL!

I, on the other hand, know what I wrote. Yes, I changed my vote because I am not convinced the OP loves the dog more than she has enjoyed putting her sister "in her place". Her one post showed her true feelings about her.

Ciao Baby!

Your dog, of course you don't give him back!

Your sister left the dog. Agreed to permanent change of ownership. Had she rehomed him or given him to a shelter she wouldn't be able to get him back either.

If they were that attached to the dog, they wouldn't have been prepared to dump it with you for three years in the first place. Absolutely YANBU. The agreement was that you would take on the dog permanently. That was the condition of you agreeing to take him. She rehomed him. Your sister can't just decide she wants him back now just because she rehomed him with you rather than with strangers.

Re read my comments, your response does not make sense to what I have said.

Well the OP says that she’s not coping if you read the updates. She’s already offered that DS moves in with her, so no, doesn’t sound like she is any sort of position to take on the dog.

Your sister is being ridiculous. She should get a new dog for her family. And thank you for taking care of your of her old dog. Do you live near each other?

Surprised at the number of posters saying to give the dog back.

If OP’s sister had given a child up for adoption, would it be fair to insist that the child be returned when plans later change? Like a child, a dog is not a toy to be passed around. Those who suggest a dog can simply be handed back are thinking of the sister’s needs above the animal’s needs and stability.

OP has adopted the dog now, so unless OP wants to rehome the dog, the sister needs to accept that it’s now OP’s dog.

It sounds like the dog would be equally loved in both households. But it won’t be equally cared for. I wouldn’t want to take a dog from a place where it has someone at home all day to bring it into a situation where it will be on its own so much. It’s not fair on the dog.

Why did you bother posting? You have already made up your mind. You sound hard and completely unsympathetic towards your sister's situation.

I think the dog would miss its companian too much now especially since it will be on its own for much of the week.
it’s not in the dogs best interests.

It isn't about what's 'fair' to the Op or her sister; it's about what's fair for the dog. He's already been uprooted 7 months ago and has learned to live with another family, where he's very happy. Uprooting him again would be equally disruptive for him. Leave him where he is, or he will never trust that he won't be uprooted yet again. He needs some continuity.

This is tricky.

do you live the dog? Where do you think the dog will be happiest?

Tell them to get a new dog

Reading your posts I definitely think you should keep the dog. You are giving him a much better life than your sister can/did. She works 3 days a week so the dog will be left apart from a walk with a dog walker. Also you have another dog and you say they get on well.

The fact that your sister has visited and the dog is not interested in her says it all.

Also if she thought so much of the dog why did she not take him with her or they did not go at all?

Nailed it.🎯

OP has said the dog has no interest in her sister when she has visited!

Wtaf is wrong with you? The OP's priority is her own children. Children who are having an equally shitty time as her niece and nephew. And maybe her own husband as she supports him through his mother's illness, which is every bit as tough as what her sister is dealing with.

Maybe people accusing the OP of being callous, should think about her sister asking so much of her, while she has to deal with her MIL's illness and the fallout for her family.

You're the person you accuse the OP of being.

7 months? She didn't give it much time did she? Her poor DH and kids. Keep the dog; she doesn't sound very stable.

If she thought that much of the dog she either would not have gone abroad or taken the dog with her!!! FFS