AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

[WatchTheStormTouchDown]

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

Did you read my posts? I’m not suggesting putting the dog back in an unsuitable situation. I’m suggesting saying you know what, I really love you sis and I know how much having the dog would comfort you at this awful time, but I just strongly feel the dog will have a more stable home with me until you are properly back on your feet. How can I help you get there? Let’s look at solutions together.

Maybe the sister will never be in a place to give the dog a good life. But that should be something she can work towards. Not “no you’re never having it back because of what you said in a totally different time.”

And I think you’re just flinging any old shit at OP because she won’t give the dog back.

The OP's children had a dog die recently and a grandmother with cancer. They are going through a lot too.

I also massively disagree with this “the dog is better off where it is now. That’s all that matters.”

Love and support between family members also matters. It matters a lot. The OP’s children having an ongoing relationship with their cousins matters too.

There is a way to balance those things (really the things at the absolute heart of life, in my view) with the dog’s welfare, which is also absolutely crucial of course.

Reading the responses to this I am beginning to understand why so many MNers are seemingly NC with their families…! This is a situation where actually no-one is really totally in the right or the wrong, but there are ways to move forward with empathy and love.

She didn’t just say it though. She transferred ownership to OP. And OP has paid all the fees, paid for vet treatment that her sister ignored, not to mention housing and feeding the dog over the last seven months. All the while under the impression that this is now her dog.

Cool so in 7 years time when the dog is dead and the OP still has decades of her life ahead of her without any relationship with her sister she can look down at her name on the microchip certificate and feel good about herself.

Actually, though NOT your business; at first, I was all for them keeping the dog becaue the sister had agreed to it. But, after reading the OP's posts, it became quite clear what it is all about and the dog is a very minor player.

So, I changed my vote.

Sorry to disppoint you and I hope you can control your rage.

It’s actually not a question of prioritising the dog over anyone when it comes right down to it. It’s just prioritising the dog. Because moving it from a happy home where it has company and has bonded with the other family dog, to the chaotic situation Dsis is in, and where it will be left alone for long periods is unequivocally the wrong thing to do. It’s baffling why so many posters are falling over themselves and reaching to justify it.

This post is about as batshit as they come

Not angry at all thanks. And the last time I looked this is a public forum, so I’m just as entitled to my opinion as you. The difference is that mine is based on what OP has actually said, rather than reading into it to support a narrative. What you’re essentially saying is that now you don’t like OP so you think she should give the dog back, regardless of the fact that its circumstances would be reduced. Nice.

and if she gives the dog back, they'll be all good all of a sudden? I can't imagine that.

The reality is chances are, the relationship is damaged either way. I'm also not sure I'd even want a relationship with someone who would be basically saying do this or I'll never talk to you again.

Threads about dogs are always bonkers.
No further comment.

Pot, I'd like to introduce you to Kettle.

She surrendered her rights to ownership of the dog when the paperwork was completed and you adopted the dog. You are the legal.owner, it wasn't a foster arrangement. She presumably had the option of paying for foster arrangement or kennels or taking the dog with her, she didn't do either.

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The dog has been part of your family for 7 months. He has a home. Yours. She knows you didn't agree to temporary fostering arrangements otherwise she would have paid you a weekly sum and I surance and vets bills. . You should keep the dog you adopted.

Maybe you could suggest she gets another dog from a nearby animal shelter, and gives a homeless dog a family home.

You’re making the same assumptions. The dog lived with his family for 3.5 years. It’s an assumption that he was happy. That aside, the circumstances have now changed and instead of sisters’ husband working from home and there with the dog, he would be alone most of the day while sister works. How on earth do you figure that’s better for him than with a family he’s been with for seven months, with company throughout the day and a bond with the other family dog ?

Would you? Really? You'd actually buy a dog to be put into a chaotic, upset household. One where it was going to be left alone for most of the time?

I don't think anyone's denying the OP is the legal owner! This isn't a legal argument! I mean, it's not a car or an armchair we're talking about.

Again, you are putting words out that I haven't written.
The dog is a minor part of the story. The post I quoted from the OP explained it all quite succinctly.

Yes, you are totally entitled to your opinion and to be as rude, crude and nasty as you wish.

I hope it made you feel better. As Kojak always said, "Ciao baby!"

I sympathise but you came on mumsnet asking for opinions - pointless to then argue with everyone who doesn’t agree with you.

This is the question I asked upthread and no-one seems to want to answer it. If sister had never had a dog, given the turmoil her life is in now, and given that added into the mix she will be moving home and ferrying her children backwards and forwards to another country to see their dad, hands up all those who think this is an ideal time to adopt a dog?

Second question. If sister went to an animal shelter to adopt a dog and was completely honest about her current home circumstances, hands up all those who think the shelter would willingly offer her an animal ?

The answer to both questions is no. It’s batshit and crystal clear that it’s not in the best interests of the dog. Any dog. No matter how far posters are trying to reach to justify it. It’s indefensible.

I am hoping no one in that family has actually said this. They all might be mad, upset, sad, defensive, but I hope no one takes it to that extreme.

That would be a tragedy no one could recover from.

Oh, you think you're witty...Got it.

Hopefully no matter what happens, relationships will be able to repair with time.

How so ?

wow. Hope the dog is worth the fallout (just kidding, it obviously can’t be if you have any kind of love for your sister, niece and nephew)