AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

[WatchTheStormTouchDown]

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

And once again, having read all of OP’s updates I just don’t get the sense that she’s anything but empathetic and supportive - to the point where she’s offered to open her home to her sister and her children to help her through this. Where has she been emotionally immature, selfish or controlling ? Apart from the obvious, which I think is what’s driving a lot of these accusations - she doesn’t want to give what is now her dog to her sister. Putting the dog’s welfare first obviously doesn’t score any brownie points whatsoever on MN.

Our prioritising your own kids above a niece and nephew

Was there any reason they didn’t take their dog with them? 3 years is too long to plan to leave an animal. You were right to insist on adoption or nothing. I can’t understand anyone leaving their pet behind. You are clearly a more responsible owner.

Yep. Pretty much this.

Calm down.
the dog lived with his family for 3.5 years happily, your not a dog and you have no idea what he actually thinks or feels. You’re just making an assumption. Silly of you and the OP to assume otherwise.

And your another who is giving absolutely zero consideration for the dog in this.

Just like the sister - wants her property back but not putting the dogs welfare first.

The dog is better off where it is now. That's all that matters.

If the sister came on here asking if she was unreasonable to plan to leave her dog for three years she’d be getting her ass handed to her.

Your relationship with your sister and her children will never be the same after this.

I think you are being very cruel.

When the dog lived with his former family, there were two parents who were around.

Presumably they were fairly content and home was a relaxed place.

That is no longer the case, the 3.5 years home no longer exists - there is now one parent who is very stressed and has to do all of the work that two people previously did. Even if she was not stressed and life wasn't turned upside down, there would not be the time in the day for a dog nor the ability to be in two places at once.

The bottom line is
This is the OP's dog now. The OP has time and facilities to offer a good home.
The sister does not.

And where would be best for the dog?

The Op's kids lost their beloved dog less than a year ago and their grandmother has cancer. But sure, fuck em, their feelings don't count.

And the OP's children?

Keep the dog. The animals welfare is what is important here.
Your sister transfered ownership of the dog to you. You were quite clear you would only have the dog if you kept it
The dog is loved, well looked after and has a very good quality of life. You sister cannot offer this.
Most posters agree with you. The ones that are going on about your sister and Empathy for her are wrong. The question is about the dog, the sisters upset is another thing. Why should the dog have a lesser quality of life that the sister would give him?

You're not willing to support her in any way other than your own terms? You don't think it's relevant what type of support she actually wants?

You say you care about her, and obviously only you know what you think and feel, but to me you convey the impression that you care more about the dog's wellbeing than that of your sister and neieces/nephews. I wonder if she picks up on that too?

Anyway, it sounds like you are absolutely certain that all of your actions are the right ones, so I am not too sure why you posted on here to start with?

But if I can urge you to do just one thing, it would be to listen to your sister when she tells you what she needs from you, rather than assuming you know better than her what she needs. Just as nobody on here can know how you feel, you can't truly know what your sister is going through, either. Unless you listen. And I don't just mean with your ears - with your mind and with your heart.

If she had rehomed through a charity she couldn't ask for him back so in my mind this is the same. When weighing up the decision to move, this was part of it.

If you wanted to compromise somewhere, could they pet sit the odd weekend or if your away?

Not that you are obliged to in my opionion!

You think the dog's welfare is more important than the woman and the children's?

Don’t be ridiculous. This is not a human welfare issue. They already had their dog adopted and understood the terms and the emotional impact when they moved abroad.

WOW!
I wasn't sure about how you felt about your sister but this seals the deal.
You dislike (hate) her, resent her and are proud of the fact that you now have two dogs and she has none.
Are you going "Nanny-nanny-boo-boo; kiss my little too-too! I have two dogs now and you have none. Nanny-nanny-boo-boo!"?
Do you dislike and resent her children too?
You sound WAY too happy about all of her struggles.
It takes all kinds,

I'm talking about the OP's kids. Their dog died shortly before they adopted the dog in question, and their grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. They're actually going through a shitty time too.

Not sure how getting another dog would strengthen OP’s case for keeping this one to be honest. And it seems clear from her posts that OP already had a dog before taking on her sisters’.

Your sister was prepared to share her dog between 3 friends which tells you everything you need to know about her level of concern for his welfare.

She agreed his permanent transferring to you so why does she think he’s back up for grabs now. She'll have a new puppy soon enough I’m sure.

I think the post of yours that I quoted above tells me what kind of sister you really are.

Now you are acting like the benevolent sister..."Oh, move closer. I'll take care of your children because you are basically incapable of that too!".

I hope your sister doesn't sign any papers you give her that concern her children.

You ok there? Thought you dozed off!

I think this.

I think the dog will settle back with them very quickly. Most dogs bond deeply as a puppy.

You already have a dog.

I can't believe you'd rather keep the dog and fall out with your family, when it isn't as if your children haven't got another dog, and your Dsis's children have been through such a lot lately.

Either way, the relationship is going to be damaged. Things aren't going to be hunky dory between them even if she does hand the dog over.