AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

[WatchTheStormTouchDown]

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

What would have happened to the dog if you hadn't taken him...sold or adopted elsewhere likely. They should be happy the dog has such a great life and they still get to see him and enjoy him. My puppy had to live with my sister and her husband for a month due to sickness. He still flips out when he sees them. He loves me and he loves them.

If your sister came on to mumsnet asking whether they should get a dog most would be telling her ' no way' ...as you say, with 3 kids, single parent, working etc she wont have much time for the dog. He has a great life with you. I had to give up a dog due to circumstances at one stage in my life, he went to a family friend, it broke my heart but I could still come see him and I knew he was happy and well looked after. If I had sent him to be removed that would have been worse for me.

You are not the one being unreasonable. They knew the contract they were entering. The boy is yours - paid for, microchipped and loved. He stays with you. They can 'enjoy' him when they visit.

Even if you have her the dog chances are she’ll be asking for you to have him back anyway, on her own with 3 kids … last thing she needs is a dog to look after.

and the dog was given away months ago which they have had time to get used to. If the sister has involved them in trying to get the dog back when that wasn't what was agreed then the only person to blame for any potential upset is their mum for asking for it back in the first place.

OP is naturally going to put her kids first.

Why when the sister agreed the transfer of ownership was PERMANENT in the first place!!!!

Read the OP'S original post again.

The two dogs are bonded now so wouldn’t be fair to split them … probably both be miserable and pining. She’ll get over it.

A dog ( cat, bird, whatever) is not a toy you just move around. What happens if sister gets it back and then have too much on her plate and dont want it. Keep the dog.

No, would not give the dog back, he's your dog now and she agreed to that at the time.

She did have other options, she could have taken the dog with her - relocating overseas with a dog for 3 years is very do-able - expensive, but do-able - particularly a young healthy dog. They chose not to do that.

And you are spot on that a dog living with her will have a lower quality of life and the extra stress of having a dog to look after as well will not improve her quality of life either! Stick to your guns!

You are doing the right thing … stick to your decision.

I am really appalled by the people on here who have zero consideration for the one most affected by this - the Dog.

It is settled in a loving home where it has the company of humans all day AND another dog that it has bonded with.

To uproot it again to a home where it will be alone every working day except for a dog walker for perhaps an hour at most, and seperated from its dog chum, is fucking cruel.

Shame on you.

Neutral party releases the dog half way between you and your sister. Whoever he runs to, he goes home with.

You do understand that single parents can have dogs too, and that most single parents can cope with their children and a dog?

The sister might not even decide to return to work. I didn’t after my divorce. I managed on my share of the equity from our house and child maintenance. I also managed to continue to look after my darling dog, who was a huge comfort to us and who was surrounded by love.

I’d be very interested to hear the sister’s side of this all, and why the whole of the OP’s family are saying that the OP should give back her sister’s dog…

glad its not just me...

I think your doing the right thing by keeping the dog. Could your sister maybe get a cat as they cope a lot better with people working and been on there own but also provide nice cuddles ect (well, depending on the cat)

Ah, so making the very difficult decision to move overseas was a ‘whim’? FFS

That happened on Judge Judy

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/fOsPojdV29M

I have - and always have done - standard poodles and agree with the comment about how sensitively they bond to their family (they are wonderful family dogs :) )

But on the basis of your post here op and that the dog seems to have a more fulfilled life with you, I would keep him.

I know your sister must miss him terribly but when she's able to take on a dog,she can.

YANBU. You sister made her decision and now has to live with the consequences. If it had worked out the way she'd expected, you would have kept the dog permanently, sadly it didn't work out for her but that's not your fault or the dog's.

Where is the drip feed ? OP has updated as she’s been asked questions and providing more information as a result. If she’d put everything into the original post it would be a case of TLDR.

Why would she want to move closer to someone who lacks such basic empathy? She and her children are going through a really difficult time, your attitude towards the whole situation reads as emotionally immature, selfish and controlling. I really feel for your sister.

After reading this thread in its entirety, of course you should keep the dog. Nonsense to suggest otherwise.

Making the decision to move overseas would definitely be a difficult decision - not sure how coming back alone with the children after just seven months would be viewed though. OP did say that she and her family thought the move was a bad idea from the start so obviously something was amiss.

I only stated how your posts are coming across to me. Of course you would be heartbroken to give the dog back. It's understandable - I said this. Circumstances have changed and it's a difficult situation all round. I don't think you were trying to steal her poodle and I didn't say anything of the sort 🙄

Your initial post was entirely about you, with no thought to your sister or nieces/nephews. It was only when posters suggested that you might be being unreasonable that your follow-up posts started to increasingly paint your sister as incapable. It is a drip-feed and I stand by what I said. That's why I chose your "winky face" post to reply to - it was childish and comes across as if you have no regard for her at all.

Maybe you have good reason for that - I don't know either of you - but she isn't here to give her side of it and I expect her view would be quite different. If you're going to write-off responses from people who disagree with you as "crazy", why bother to post in AIBU at all?

I know what the sister agreed. I think holding someone who’s now struggling rigidly to what was agreed in a very different time is very unkind. Yes it may put the OP technically in the right but at the cost of the relationship with her sister, her wider family and great upset to a woman and children who are already in the most difficult period of their lives.

Given those circumstances, I wouldn’t be holding what was agreed over her head. I’d be looking at whether there is any realistic way to get the dog back to her and for her to give it a good life, and I’d be helping her to do that.

Especially since the OP says they have always had a great relationship. There are ways to handle this that don’t involve blowing that up, but the OP’s stubborn approach is not one of them.

PMSL - you're a fine one to criticise OP for a "lack of empathy"!!!

Where is YOUR consideration and empathy for the poor dog? It's a living creature with feelings, not a fucking toy.