AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

[WatchTheStormTouchDown]

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

Thank goodness the dog has you to advocate for him. The dog has clearly spoken, he wasn't particularly interested in your sister and wouldn't go on a walk. He's happy and is in a good place. X

The sister's arrived...

Do you treat your family like perfect strangers? How odd or sad to imply you do!

I’d argue yes in these circumstances, absolutely. OPs kids aren’t going through a family breakup, leaving dad in another country and international house and school move. OPs niece/nephew is in a much more vulnerable place than OPs kids.

Good heavens, there’s more projection on here than in a multiplex cinema.

Obviously we can’t trust a thing the OP has said, she only came here to be awkward and argumentative, she hates her sister, she was jealous and secretly wanted her sister’s dog all along…….and other fairy tales. 🙄

In case posters have missed it, the OP said in her OP she wasn’t giving the dog back but asked Mumsnetters if they thought she was being unreasonable, but of course as always, posters have gone off on various tangents and a lot have criticised her without reading her posts and while she has answered all questions calmly.

OP, I think you are right to keep the dog, your sister handed over ownership and the dog is now an integral part of your human and canine family. You were clear at the outset you would only agree to take the dog if it became yours permanently because you didn’t want your children/family or the dog subjected to more change.

Your sister and her children are still in turmoil and adding a dog back into that scenario isn’t a good idea.

Please ignore the fantasists, those who imply you are lying, those who have inadequate comprehension, etc. etc. I wish the best to you, your human and canine family and your sister and her children.

of course having a dog is evidence that a person knows what is involved in caring for a dog!

Can you show me where I implied that?

You are quite wrong. Read the OP's original post again.

Read the thread. OP didn’t renege on anything. It was very clear in the opening post that it was a permanent arrangement - Dsis was leaving for three years and OP said she wouldn’t take the dog on anything other than a permanent basis. Dsis agreed and OP paid for the change of ownership. The fact that the relationship broke down after seven months doesn’t change the fact that the dog belongs to OP.

What it isn’t however, is evidence that in the present circumstances, she’s currently capable of caring for a dog. Everything OP has said about her state of mind - the need to sell up and move, ferrying the kids to see their father in a different country - says otherwise.

I wondered that !!

What about OP’s own children who will have become attached to the dog too?

Her sisters children have been through the emotion of giving away the dog, and after seven months their attachment isnt going to be as strong as the children who currently have the dog. The only reason they would feel so upset now would be if their mum had told them they were getting it back when she shouldn’t have.

This. And while I feel very sorry for Dsis it’s clear that the dog isn’t as much of a priority for her as it is for OP.

There are good reasons for breaking contact with a close family member, but this is not one of them. Other dogs are not hard to come by.

Having read only the OP’s posts, it’s clear to me your concern is first and foremost the dog’s quality of life.

With that in mind, can you say to your sister you would love for her to be able to have the dog back, but you want her to be in a place where the dog has stability first? So you are not keeping the dog forever, but just until your sister has a settled home and a schedule that allows her to spend more time with the dog. Tell her you are happy to support her to work towards this in any way you can.

This seems kinder and less likely to cause a rift than just saying “No the dog’s mine now.” Of course, you do have to be willing to give the dog back if and when she gets to that more stable place.

Not that it would ever go to court but if it did youre likely to win as the chip is now on your name as the registered owner of the dog

Unlikely. I’ve commented a lot on this thread because a) I’d be devastated to not have my dog back in this situation; and b) something related happened to an elderly neighbour of mine. They passed over their dog for looking after while they were in hospital, had to stay 3+ weeks, and on their return the person refused to return their dog and had re-registered it as theirs. It was a horrible situation, including the dog being hidden elsewhere. Anyway, the police were eventually involved and they did not say it was the person’s who’d supposed to be looking after it. The dog was returned to its original owner.

I too think this thread is strange but I’m now wondering whether it’s a reverse. I don’t know, but whoever the OP is, the dog should be returned to its original family, where it has lived happily for years. The move abroad fell through; the sister was pushed to sign over the dog when she didn’t want to; OP has her own dog.

We have a dog whom I love dearly but if one of my siblings were to ask if I could look after their dog for a short/more extended time I can’t imagine a) saying I’d only do it if they permanently signed their dog over to me and b) then not giving them their dog back when their circumstances change! Your sister sounds like she was possibly unsure of this move anyway and it hasn’t worked out so it must be a very difficult time for her. She obviously feels that having their family pet back may help to settle both her and the children into their new lives. It sounds like they deserve the joy in their lives that their wonderful dog has obviously given you in the few months he’s been with you. It very much sounds as though you’ve made your mind up anyway and are after validation of that decision but personally I can’t imagine not returning someone’s family pet (however difficult it may be for you and your family) unless possibly he’d been with you considerably longer than he was with them, which isn’t case. It may be that if she moves closer to you you’d be able to help with dog sitting/walks/when she goes away etc but if you go against her wishes (and by the sounds of it that of your family) and don’t return her dog it could potentially damage your relationship with them all moving forward, is this really something you want?

Incidentally, what are the ages of all the children involved? Feels relevant as to whether you should be working towards the dog eventually going back to them or not.

Sorry, but you're nasty and talking absolute shite!

Would you really send a dog back to someone when you have love for it, knowing that it is going to be left alone and unhappy for such a considerable length of time? Course you wouldn't.

and after seven months their attachment isnt going to be as strong as the children who currently have the dog

I doubt that. They could well have pined for the dog every single day. They’ve had it since it was a puppy and spent 3 1/2 years of their childhood with it. Their cousins have their own dog and have only spent a few months with this dog.

Every dog has a person. Either your sister or her husband is that person for that dog.

if it is your sister you are being unbelievably cruel and the dog needs to be back with his owner/mum/person.

did they not consider taking the dog with them if they were relocating for 3 years?!

you have ownership of him now. Keep him.. poor little thing should not he passed from pillar to post xx

yeh a person that was going fuck off and leave the dog for 3 years of his/her life!!

Their entire situation flipped though. Now they are getting divorced and I can see why having the dog back might be a great comfort to the kids. You only had the dog 7 months, which is 17% of the time sister had the dog. I would be giving the dog back.

YANBU at all OP. Stick to your guns. Your sister gave the dog up PERMANENTLY. She cannot demand him back because her situation has changed.

The dog is obviously better off with you logistically and has built a bond with your family and your other dog after the upheaval of moving in with you. It would be cruel to move him again when he's resettled.

.Your sister may well decide to reconcile with her husband at some point and it is unwise for her to want the responsibility of a dog with all she's got on her plate with moving back, working and being a single mum.

It's not like the dog is with strangers, she still has a connection to him and can see him. If she really cared about the dog, she would be grateful he was happy with you and wouldn't want to move him again anyway! She's being very selfish.

Tell her No and you won't be engaging with her about it any further but you'd love her to move closer so you can support her getting back on her feet and she can see the dog whenever she wants then.