AIBU to keep my sister’s former dog after she moved back?

[WatchTheStormTouchDown]

I’ve name changed as this is a very outing situation. I wasn’t sure whether to post in the dog house but opted for here.

My sister moved abroad 7 months ago due to her husband’s work. They were originally moving for 3 years but my sister didn’t settle there so they’ve split up and my sister has come back with her children.

When they were planning to leave, they asked if we would look after their dog temporarily for the 3 years and they would have him back when they returned. We thought it over and said we would only take the dog if it was permanent. We knew our children would get attached to the dog and didn’t want them being upset when the dog had to be returned. They looked at other options but eventually agreed, reluctantly. Microchip/ownership was changed over to us and we pay all costs.

My sister is now back much sooner than planned with her kids and they’ve asked for the dog back. He is our dog now and completely settled in with us. We would all be heartbroken to not have him.

My whole family is piling on guilt and pressure for us to give the dog back. They’re using the kids to emotionally manipulate and saying my sister has enough on her plate with the split and having her dog back would help the children settle back home. They’re also saying that as the dog has only been with us for 7 months, we should give him back as it’s not long enough for him to have settled. My niece and nephew are upset but that isn’t surprising with moving countries, being without their dad and now moving back all within a few months.

We don’t intend to give him back. He isn’t a toy to be passed around when people change their minds and plans change and he has a great life with us. If we don’t give him back, I think it will cause a permanent rift in our family. Are we being unreasonable to keep the dog because we can’t give him up? I don’t believe it’s in his best interests anyway.

The dog is yours now. Your plans didn't change so as far as youre concerned youre sticking to the agreement.
Not that it would ever go to court but if it did youre likely to win as the chip is now on your name as the registered owner of the dog.
The only fair thing you could do is have both families stand 20 feet or so apart, get a neutral person to hold the door a distance away, each group shout the dogs name once and at the same time and see who the dog goes to first. That way the dog decides

Please dont feel obliged to reply to my every comment.

Same. Your juvenile attempts at a pile on because you're in an AIBU thread suggests you have very basic IQ. Do continue on, though.

Please refrain from commenting towards me, then?

I agree with the OP. She took the dog on the basis that it became her dog. The dog is happy and well cared for.
You don't get to have it back just because you have changed your mind or have different circumstances.
If the sister has to move, work more, maybe even reconcile and go abroad again what happens to the dog.
The agreement has been made, the dog seems to have a doggy friend and a stable home, what the sister wants shouldn't really matter, sad though she may feel.

Giving back their dog will do nothing but teach these kids that because they are miserable they are entitled to demand things that will make other people miserable. Not the best of life lessons.

If the agreement was that you were to keep him and everything was transferred to you then that is how it should stay, regardless of the fact they have come back early especially given your updates about how he wasn’t particularly bothered when they came back, he is bonded with your dog and attached to your DH.
Dogs are not toys to be passed around and although split homes where a dog spends time with 2 families does work, poodles are quite sensitive and I’m not sure they would cope.
We foster dogs for a rescue and have had them from anywhere for 3 weeks to almost a year, they do settle when they move into their adopters homes although it takes time.
I would suggest that once your sister is settled and things have calmed she will understand why she can’t just have the dog back… it would probably be better for everyone if when things have settled she looks for a new furry addition for her household and have a fresh start with whichever pet suits their setup.
I would happily stand my ground regardless of outside family pressure and resulting rifts because I put my dogs before extended family, but many would put their sibling first and return the dog after 7 months, neither are wrong it truly depends on how you’d cope with the fallout.

YANBU you told her you would only take the dog if you were keeping it. I don't see why that should change because her plans have changed.

It sounds like she has a lot on and isn't coping with what she has on her plate atm. She's in no sensible position to get a dog. He kids aren't struggling because they want their dog they haven't seen in nearly a year. They're struggling because within a year they've been moved countries twice and their parents are separating. Getting them a dog to cheer them up would be irresponsible and not work.

The dog has a better life with you, and there's every chance she could end up having to move into a rental if she has to leave the house she is currently living in for the divorce, then what will she do with the dog?

It would be irresponsible to give her a dog, any dog, even one she used to own, in her current situation.

Honestly the sister sounds feckless.

I can’t believe she would be prepared to split up her family and move her kids miles away from their father because she “couldn’t settle” after trying for a few months.

Three years is not a long time. She should have sucked it up for the sake of her children and they’d have been back before you knew it. She must have had some idea of what living in this new place would have been like before she agreed to it.

I think I would have been open to returning the dog but as he doesn’t seem bothered when your sister visits I’d be less tempted to. Although my dogs in the past have sulked for a day or so when one of us has been on holiday for a couple of weeks and they make a point of ignoring us before showing they love us again.

Very difficult once my drivel detector has been activated 🤣

Sister sounds like she might be flaky too. We don't know what happened and she might have had good reason to return home. But if it was just a matter of feeling unsettled, then 7 months is nothing.

Same!

At first I thought it would be kind to give the dog back, given your sister's circumstances. However, now that I've read all of your updates, I definitely think you should keep him. 100%. I have a standard poodle. They're not good at being alone. The fact that he would be alone 3 days a week with your sister is a big factor. Plus it sounds like he's fully settled with you and absolutely loves the constant company, the companionship of another dog, and the regular walks. The fact that he wasn't too bothered about seeing your sister again speaks volumes. He is settled and happy now. IMO, it would be cruel to put him through another upheaval. Plus, why didn't your sister take him when they moved? I know many people who have made international moves for work and taken the dog with them, because they're considered an important part of the family. In any case, it's a sensitive situation that requires diplomacy and carefully chosen words, in order to help save family relations. But ultimately the dog should stay with you.

The kids are victims here. You'd use the disruption of their lives and dissolution of their family to deny them comfort and teach them a lesson?

I usually hate this expression but give your head a wobble. FFS.

Yes, I felt like that was a rather unkind take towards the niece and nephew who have done nothing wrong here.

Oh dear. After the comments about OP only wanting the dog as a status symbol and referring to ‘my mate’ @nomas and myself as ‘tossers’ I don’t really think you’re one to be commenting on anyone’s IQ to be honest. But, yes, you’re right. It’s derailing OP’s thread, so you win.

OP's kids have done nothing wrong either.

No matter what, some kids are going to be sad over the dog in question.

Super - have a nice day!

Only the vote has been in my favour the whole time. 🧐 I haven’t drip fed, I’ve given more information when relevant to explain things, or my OP would have been 4 times the length and then people say it’s too long.

I don’t mind people disagreeing at all if they read my posts and disagree like adults. Many of those that don’t agree with me are saying things that prove they haven’t even read my posts, are being nasty or are talking absolute shite like I had my eye on her poodle all along. 🐩 It was all a plan to steal a poodle, you’ve got me. 🤣

Too much crazy for me.

I’ll continue to support my sister in a way that will help long term. Returning a dog to a woman that isn’t coping with life and will mean the dog is left alone isn’t something I’m going to do.

Our dog is staying in his home with his family.

I think my sister will come through this and see we’ve done the right thing for everyone even if she’s too upset about her marriage ending to see that now. My family are saying return the dog because they’re desperate to make her feel better but when her whole life has imploded, I know my sister well enough to know the dog isn’t going to solve it and will actually make her worse.

I would offer to buy their new dog as a gift

Yes, but one lot of kids has a stable home which counts for so much.

Neither have OP’s kids. OP and her family have interacted with the dog and bonded with it under the impression that it is now their dog. The fact that sisters’ plans didn’t work out doesn’t change that. What about their feelings ? It may be unkind but it’s the truth. Giving the dog back means their happiness comes at the expense of someone else’s’ misery.

But I don’t think it’s about the children. It’s about the dog. I think the crux of the matter here is that some posters are bending over backwards to try to justify taking the dog from a happy home where it has company and is well cared for, and putting it into a chaotic situation with an unstable owner, where it will be alone a lot more of the time and will fret for the dog it bonded with.

So does the dog - that doesn’t seem to count for much among some posters.

Sounds like your dog has a lovely quality of life with you. Your sister left him for 7 months so didn't really care that much did she. If it was my dog I would have taken him with me. He is legally your dog. I wouldn't let him go op. She could probably do without the expense of a dog as a single mother too. I'd tell her the reasons are he's now part of your family and he's very settled and someone is with him everyday she must see thats better than a 30min walk with a stranger. Plus the fact he's bonded with your other dog so would distress the other dog as well.

You are far too reasonable for this thread!