to leave ten year old twins in a cafe while I swim?

[justkeepswimminginalake]

I’m a single parent to ten year old twins and I was hoping to start open water swimming again. There’s a swimming lake near me which has an onsite cafe and I was thinking about leaving the boys in the cafe by themselves while I swim. We’ve been to the cafe a few times and it’s fairly chilled, mostly swimmers (and their friends/families), young families and old people. It’s also next door to the reception area for the swimming lakes so if they feel uncomfortable there’s somewhere else they can go.

Would I be unreasonable to order them breakfast and a drink and leave them there for half an hour while I swim. They’re generally pretty sensible and I’d pack Yotos with headphones, and some games and books for them to entertain themselves. There’s no one else who can take them.

I was a lone parent and understand the despair at not being able to do anything. This isn’t appropriate but you’re almost at the age where it would be fine, although I’d probably leave them at home rather than in a cafe. Give it a year and you will start getting your life back.

How far is your house from the swimming? I think I'd leave them at home whilst I was swimming, rather than in the café.

As long as they have phones and they know what to do if you don't come back after a certain time I think it's okay.

My reservation is 10yo can do silly stuff. And two of them could egg each other on. But you know them best and whether that is likely or not.

I don't think the OP has said she's expecting that though?

There's nothing to stop two ten year olds going to a cafe on their own, regardless of where their mother is

I have a very sensible ten year old but no way would I put her at risk like you thinking. No ten is too young. Yabu

These scenarios are ridiculous.

Fire- they wait outside with everyone else
Perv- teach them not to talk to strangers, that strangers might want to trick them
You drown- you might anyway whether they're in a cafe or not!
They have a falling out- pretty unlikely if they're stuck with their books or whatever

You can't cotton-wool your kids, that only leads to disaster

At that age mine would have stayed at home while I swim, but they did used to go to a cafe after school together to wait for me to finish work (as it was a bit far for them to walk home). I can't see that it's that much different, but I think somehow it feels more acceptable for them to go in on their own and order and then you meet them afterwards, rather than you going in with them and then leaving them there.

How far is the lake from home? I’d say it was safer to leave them home.

I’d leave them at home for an hour or so tbh.

But it depends how far away you are of course.

My kids once in year 6 would walk to nearby town, order for themselves at a cafe, meet a friend there. I would leave my 10 year old in cafe op but would walk through what to do in an emergency first eg who to call if there's a problem. 10 year olds aren't toddlers, they don't need supervision if they are just sitting reading/on an iPad.

I think I’d be more comfortable with age 11 and at secondary but ideally 12, but my twins were quite easily annoyed by each other. They might have been better at home for an hour age 10 although that’s a bit young in my mind. They grow fast and suddenly you can leave them and it opens up new freedom, but you’re not quite there yet. Mine just turned 15.

I'd leave them at home if you feel they would be fine there. I wouldn't leave them in a cafe unsupervised, even if you don't expect it the staff and other customers will feel responsible for two kids there alone.

Fraid not OP. In a few years you’ll be able to but not now.

Leave them at home instead.

I used to get asked to watch children while I worked in a café. I refused. I was not being held responsible if anything went wrong.

Sign them up to an activity where you can drop them off to do something

I'm surprised it is such a resounding "no". We "went out to play" at that age, and I definitely see upper ks2 kids out and about now too. Sitting in a cafe is safer than that!

I wouldn’t expect anyone to look after them. I’d expect them to sit and have their food and drink and entertain themselves for the rest of the time, which I’m confident they can do (otherwise I wouldn’t have even thought of it). They’re capable of eating a bacon sandwich, drinking a hot chocolate, and playing some Sushi Go or reading/listening to a book for the rest of the time. They can find the loo if they need it. If everyone thinks it’s a bad idea then I won’t do it, but for years they’ve needed ‘looking after’ in a cafe as I have.

Yeah they are a bit, but I want to know why OP doesn't feel comfortable leaving them at home where they would be considerably less likely to get into any difficulty. If it's because she thinks they need some kind of oversight, she can't expect that from cafe staff. But if she thinks they're absolutely fine without supervision, why bring them at all? Just leave them at home for an hour.

I don't cotton wool my kids at all, but I think what OP is suggesting here is that she'd feel more comfortable if her kids were supervised, but the supervision she's envisaging isn't appropriate.

My friend and I used to catch a bus and go to the swimming bath by ourselves at 10 year old.

I’d say a question like this depends on the kids. My 10’ year old girl could do this, she’s nearly 11. She gets subway a few stops and meets me and is very independent. I have 2 others and once wasn’t as capable until around age 12. Also depends on the set up, I wouldn’t leave them unless i was well known in that club/establishment and know some parents who would know the set up.
i wouldn’t leave them at a strange place that I didn’t know people.

If they’re capable of all that then they’re equally capable of being left home alone for an hour or so.

It’s 20-25 minutes to get there, so would be over an hour home alone even if I only had a quick dip. Whereas if they were in the cafe they’d be unattended for much less time.

Oh, I was going to say yes. I don’t really see the issue. You know if they are sensible or not. I could absolutely trust my 9 year old with this.

But what if one was to choke? It's not uncommon is it . You cannot leave them unattended at thats age. It's a safeguarding issue