to leave ten year old twins in a cafe while I swim?

[justkeepswimminginalake]

I’m a single parent to ten year old twins and I was hoping to start open water swimming again. There’s a swimming lake near me which has an onsite cafe and I was thinking about leaving the boys in the cafe by themselves while I swim. We’ve been to the cafe a few times and it’s fairly chilled, mostly swimmers (and their friends/families), young families and old people. It’s also next door to the reception area for the swimming lakes so if they feel uncomfortable there’s somewhere else they can go.

Would I be unreasonable to order them breakfast and a drink and leave them there for half an hour while I swim. They’re generally pretty sensible and I’d pack Yotos with headphones, and some games and books for them to entertain themselves. There’s no one else who can take them.

Can’t you swim while they are at school? If you work, book an hour off? They don’t have a dad and you don’t have any family or friends nearby they could go to their house for 1 hour? No play dates available to you? Next door neighbour you could become friends with and ask them if you are comfortable with that. If something happened to them while you were swimming you’d never forgive yourself!

Is this a joke? At least they’d be in a public place.

Why can’t they swim too?

I would say this needs to work the other way around. Independence to be learned before they head to secondary school and make bus journeys by themselves etc.

Don’t be swayed by the crazies on here OP. It is totally fine.

If they are sensible enough to be left in cafe, are they not sensible enough to be left in house for 60-90 mins?

Alternatively, can you take them to cafe one weekend, and ask the staff on way out if they could be left eating by themselves for half an hour next week?

No they do not! Do you really think that 10 years can't eat food in a cafe without someone being in loco parentis??? Do 19 year old employees have to be in loco parentis for 12 year olds coming into McDonald's??

This thread is nuts. Amusing tho

Goodness when we were that age or thereabouts we used to take our swimming costumes and towels, walk to the town swimming baths, swim for hours and then walk home again. Our parents never knew when we'd be back and we had no phones.

I know times have changed but at 10 I would think they'd be all right for 30 minutes.

This. At 10 my two were encouraged, with a friend, to catch the bus into a nearby town to go to a cafe, have an ice cream and come home again by an agreed time. They had basic phones if they needed me to come and collect them.

The following year, aged eleven, they suddenly have to navigate secondary school - a thousand children, school buses or trains. It's good to encourage a bit of independence.

I also used to go into London with them, let them go to a music shop or book shop to browse while I sat in a cafe nearby, which they could find easily.

Treating 10 year olds as if they are helpless is a very bad idea. Over protection of a generation has led to a spike in anxiety.

Are people reading ten months? Wtf are these responses about?

At 10 years old they can walk to the shop and back alone, they can be left alone at home for a little while, they can walk to school. Of course, all of this is if they are sensible characters and they do have each other.

You know your sons better than anyone. Half an hour, while eating/playing their games doesn't seem so long in the grand scheme of things. Can they see you/call out to you easily? I think that would be the ideal for me is if you can still be found by them if you're in the water.

I'm surprised by some of the responses. 10 is last year of primary. Round here the 10yr olds make their way to the local cafes and buy themselves a drink. This isn't really different. No one is putting cafe staff in some kind of position of responsibility.

I don’t want or need the staff to be my childcare. They aren’t toddlers and won’t need their faces wiping or their food feeding to them. They’d need as much looking after as any other table.

Sex offenders don't visit cafes?

I think it’s fine they’re nearly high school and will (if not already) be meeting friends unsupervised, walking to school etc, you have a backup plan of having the phone in the dry bag, as long as they’re usually sensible.

I think this is absolutely fine if it's anything like the one near me (we go to the cafe but they do all sorts of water sport and swimming). It's all safe and lifeguarded so not like your swimming in the sea and your kids are left on their own in a random cafe!
The fact there is 2 of them makes it even better, they could text /ring if any problems and it would come up on your watch if you have your phone in tow float? Perfect, just go for it and enjoy! My kids would love a cafe breakie without me 😂

That’s absolutely fine op. I have no idea why anyone else is so worried.
if you wanted to you could test it, eg leave them ins costa in the shopping mall with strict instructions not to leave it and do some shopping and see if they behave (maybe even hide around the corner) and make sure they write your mobile number down in case they need you.
if they can be trusted in that case then they’d be fine.When I was ten in year 6 I used to walk to a local cafe after school and wait for my big brother to pick me up and take me home from there (I couldn’t work the keys on the front door at home by myself!) I was polite and spent money so the staff were very happy to have me there reading my book.

If your kids are sensible, as you say, why can't they stay at home?

I saw my short life flash before my eyes when I was a teen, home alone, choking on a Chinese. I remember really wishing I'd eaten in a restaurant 😂 I gave myself the heimlich on the back of a chair and lived to tell the tale. Resilient or what!

There are some trolls on this thread for sure... You know your kids best but I would definitely go for it. You deserve it and the twins have got each other and will no doubt also enjoy it. Have a good swim!

Makes more sense to just leave them at home.

No. Never seen one. Anxiety in our teenagers is out of control at the moment, and whilst I don’t think the answers on this thread are representative of normal parents for some reason, not letting ten years olds sit together in a cafe is parenting that causes anxiety.

they are together. In a cafe with other people. How on earth would a predatory man get at them?!?

Mum of 4 aged 10-18 here and I think it’s totally fine! Make sure they know what to do if they get worried and enjoy your swim!

I could give them an old phone (or even buy them a dumb phone) which I’d set up with a custom ringtone so I’d know it was them. I’d be able to be with them in under two minutes if they rang. I could keep my phone in my tow float.

I think it is fine and I also think it is totally fine to leave 10yo home alone. But then again im not british so our norms are a bit different.