to leave ten year old twins in a cafe while I swim?

[justkeepswimminginalake]

I’m a single parent to ten year old twins and I was hoping to start open water swimming again. There’s a swimming lake near me which has an onsite cafe and I was thinking about leaving the boys in the cafe by themselves while I swim. We’ve been to the cafe a few times and it’s fairly chilled, mostly swimmers (and their friends/families), young families and old people. It’s also next door to the reception area for the swimming lakes so if they feel uncomfortable there’s somewhere else they can go.

Would I be unreasonable to order them breakfast and a drink and leave them there for half an hour while I swim. They’re generally pretty sensible and I’d pack Yotos with headphones, and some games and books for them to entertain themselves. There’s no one else who can take them.

One of my daughters has been put in that position at a place she worked in - children left in a waiting/cafe area while parents go off to do their thing. It's not fair on anyone - especially the children. Management had to intervene more than once. Of course the parents concerned were completely unable to see the issue.

Still worked in a skate ring for kids to hang around in though. Cafe staff aren’t there for that.

Sounds fine to me as long as they’re sensible kids 🤷🏼‍♀️

My god people, they're 10 not 5!

no it wouldn’t be different, that obviously wouldn’t be ok either

If I did it (which based on this likely won’t) I’d start very short and would be no more than half an hour tops. Then in winter would be even less time as I’m. It at all acclimatised. I’d arrive ready to go in the water and just sling my Dryrobe on afterwards and sort myself at home.

I think you’re being unreasonable and shouldn’t do this but some of the arguments on this thread are ludicrous.

What if you drown?!! Yeah, what if I drop dead due to an undetected heart condition when I’m out alone with DD?

What if you’re eaten by a lake-dwelling dinosaur?

Have people lost their minds? Ten is the last year of primary school. The age when you start to go out shopping or to the cinema on your own isn’t it? Children often do quite complex journeys travelling to secondary schools at 11. As long as they’re not completely wild sitting for an hour in a public place is very low risk.

Why would that not be ok? They’re 10 not 3!

Can you sign then up to an activity? My 5 yr old goes to a 2 hour class on a Saturday morning. That would give you time to drop them, drive to swimming, swim, get dressed and go back for them

10? I think that’s fine. I left my 10 year old in the barbers the other day with a book for 20 minutes. He is very sensible, I might not leave every ten year old, but you know your kids.

And I’m guessing as it’s a swimming lake with a cafe it’s not like you’re jumping into the English channel in a storm

Sorry OP, I think this one is a non-starter. If you think they're old enough to be left alone without supervision they would be safer at home. If you aren't willing to do that because you think they do need supervision, then you can't reasonably expect the staff of a cafe to take on that responsibility.

There are so many unlikely-but-not-impossible scenarios that would turn this from a calculated risk into a disaster. A fire breaks out at the cafe, you get into trouble while swimming, a local pervert notices two unaccompanied children in the cafe every week and starts grooming them, one of them gets hurt, they have a falling out and one of them stalks off, etc. etc.

I'd ask around for someone who wants to team up with you so you each swim for half an hour and watch each other's kids for half an hour, or find a supervised activity for your sons to do nearby while you swim.

Because they’re 10 not 13.

Why bring them? Can't they stay at home?

I think it depends on whether they're nearly 11 or only just 10 and if they're quite happy to be left and used to being out without an adult...I can't see a huge issue with it. You'd leave them in your local library presumably? Would they be totally comfortable with it or are they likely to play up - only you know the answer to that.

Really shocked by some of these replies. Does nobody let their 10 year olds go anywhere alone? Park, local shop, local cafe?

@YouLookLikeStevieNicks
It's the expectation that staff in the cafe or reception area will look after them that's the issue.

You can drop 2 x 8 year olds to swim at most leisure centres without an adult as long as they can swim 50m.

So I would think most 10 year olds should be perfectly OK to sit in a cafe for 30m. Independence only comes if you let them take age appropriate steps!

I would have said 10 is fine. Especially if they have phones to occupy themselves for 30 mins if that is the maximum you will be.
I would assume they are in year 6 (unless they have turned 10 the last couple of days and are the oldest in year 5). Many year 6 kids walk home alone and people say that is fine so not sure why if they are sat safe in a cafe that is any different.

I know any thing can happen but I’m a very confident swimmer and was training for a channel swim when I found I was pregnant. It’s still a dream of mine but I know that’s several years away. Obviously I’ve lost a significant amount of that fitness but I’m not a newbie swimming in a rough sea.

Where I’m going is a popular, busy, small and fairly shallow man-made managed lake. I would swim with a cap and tow float so I’m visible.

Seems fine to me!
My 11 year old is now doing a tube journey to and from school, letting himself into the house afterwards. He meets up with friends in the park. Give them books or a tablet and headphones and buy something for them to drink and I don't see the issue.

10 is fine. I leave my 10yo home alone for a few hours, he enjoys it.

The money you spend on their meals could be to pay a babysitter or enrol them in an after school activity and you swim at the same time.

It must be tough being a single Mum to twins and I admire your ambition of open water swimming. But you are very nearly at a time when you will have so much time and independence back.

Hope you can find a babysitter.

Where’s the expectation?

Same. Mine just wait by the side of the water for me