AIBU to feel put out by my daughter's changed school run request?

[Helcarlol]

Hi all, so my DD has 2 DDs who are 2 and 4. Her eldest started primary 1 this year and last year my DD went back to work super part time as a peripatetic music instructor in schools. She works exclusively within school hours.
Last year she did 2 full days a week and I provided childcare on one and her MIL the other. This year she has opted to put her youngest in nursery for most of her hours and eldest is obviously in school.
She asked if on the two days where she starts earlier could I come over and walk the girls to school/nursery, I only live 10 minutes walk away and she is less than 10 to the school so I agreed, I don’t work those days anyway.

So far I’ve been going round for about 8, leaving with the girls around 8:30, DD leaves at the same time.

I also collect them one day a week but she is home for around 3:20 so I don’t have them for long.

This evening she has messaged me asking if tomorrow I can aim to arrive closer to 8:25/30, so she can just leave for work as soon as I arrive and I can leave to take the children to school. This has annoyed me, so far all I’ve been doing is helping with the girls getting ready, making myself a cup of tea etc, and I’ve enjoyed that little bit of extra time with them as otherwise I only see them once a week for 2 hours.

AIBU to think this is rude and unnecessary?

I would take this with the best grace I possibly good and let her know you want to help her.

Aw OP I feel for you, it seems mad to me that your DD would be lucky enough to have you so close by and not think of it as a huge advantage in terms of her children being able to have a wonderful close relationship with you.

It's such a shame she won't let you even have them one afternoon after school - would she let you attend to watch them do their hobbies on the weekend (assuming they have some as you mentioned) and you could all maybe get lunch after or something?

Or what happens if you invite them for lunch at yours on a weekend, or for a day out?

Well then she can take her daughters to breakfast club. The women on here who have no idea what it’s like to get not one second of help from grandparents dictating how that help should be delivered. It’s so entitled

@Helcarlol If your daughter wants someone else to take her child to school or nursery then she needs to pay a childminder to do it. Then she can dictate her terms on a paying basis. I’m sorry but on what planet do people think it’s ok to ask family for favours and then treat them like the hired help.

Their hobbies don’t seem to allow parents to watch or have a 1 parent in the class with them rule which DD wants.

On the weekend they are always doing family days out or visiting the in-laws, so days out are hard (I also don’t drive and DD says the car isn’t big enough for us all).

DD can be very controlling with the children I’ve noticed, not with the children themselves she’s a fantastic mum but with allowing access to them.

YABU

I would find it really difficult to have another person in my home in the morning, even if they were no trouble.

You sound lovely but a bit naive? (Not sure that’s the right word) about how busy life is working and having kids.

It sounds like your DD and her DH are busy and aren’t stopping you from seeing them more as such but just don’t have a lot of free time.

I wouldn’t take it personally.

I don’t think she’s unreasonable to ask. She probably feels frazzled in the mornings and someone extra in the house just feels too much. She sounds like a great mum and you sound like a great nan.

Not entirely sure what is so manic about getting ready for 2 days of work and getting a couple of kids ready for school, it’s hardly sorting logistics for battle. But, yes you could make it a bit more manic (🙄) and tell her to take her own kids to school.

I don't think making yourself a cuppa or getting the kids ready is that big of a deal? I presume not standing in everyone's way. It's half an hour fgs.

Yeah, I'd feel a little put out that you're not allowed to see them before taking them to school, a little bit used.

I think she’s been rude and ungrateful BUT I don’t expect she means to be. She’s likely stressed out. It does seem to be all take from her and not a lot of give really. I’d be hurt too.

I've found that over the years the time I've spent with my dgc has changed according to their changing needs and schedules. Looking back each one of those periods holds special memories for me. I loved the 10 minutes walking to school years - so much lively chatter in such a short space of time. Enjoy it.

YABU. There is nothing worse than someone just hanging around on a school morning like a bad smell.

You’re in the way.

And they’re her children. Of course she wants to be the one to take them to classes, have family time with them etc.

You'd be irritated no end by your own mum making herself a cuppa in your kitchen? While also helping get the children ready? You have a low threshold, I take it you are not a morning person!

I think she’s being rude. I always look forward to my mum coming in the morning when she helps me with the kids, and when someone provides free childcare I never complain. She also sounds way too structured with her free time, I find it weird that she can’t meet you on other evenings because she has “family time” surely you are part of the family? But then perhaps I’m coming from a different perspective as I’m a single mum and long for company!
On the other hand, could it be that you are slowing things down in the morning? If you are there to help I’m sure she wouldn’t mind you coming round earlier.

Your DD is being a real cow.

Morning routine used to be the most stressful time of the day for me. Yabu

It’s interesting to see how opinions are split. It’s similar to threads where half the posters think it’s normal to not allow grandparents to cuddle a newborn for the first three weeks and then only if invited/have washed hands/ do housework, and the other half are thinking the first lot are bonkers and entitled and rude and arrogant and oblivious to the fact all these grandparents have actually had children themselves…

I'm not a morning person so I can see why someone might not want an extra person in the house at that time, but at the end of the day, I do think she's being unreasonable.
You're helping her for goodness sake.

I'd be tempted to say "how about I get out of your hair even more by not coming around at all"

Tell her you will wait outside bring a travel mug with tea let her carry on with her rudeness

Well if they’re HER children, she can take them to school!

Yup, with a grandmother like this I would be cutting her out altogether 🤷‍♀️

The daughter does not owe OP time nor access.

I get why she doesn’t necessarily want you hanging around when she’s getting the kids ready, but equally I have always thought if you’re getting free childcare you can’t complain. There are several things I don’t love about my parents or the in laws looking after our kids but it’s free and also they’re making their own bond with them so I bite my lip.

I think you’re being quite harsh towards your DD in the other posts though. Hosting you for dinner once a week and occasionally popping in at the weekends for a cuppa sounds like a healthy amount of time to see parents, life and weekends in particular are hectic with little kids. Also you say she’s controlling about giving access to the kids but that they see in the laws plenty, is there some backstory as to why they’re the favoured grandparents over you.

😕. I’m sorry you feel this way.

Either she wants the help or doesnt. I cant see what difference 25 minutes makes. I think she sounds a tad ungrateful.

This!!!