AIBU to feel put out by my daughter's changed school run request?

[Helcarlol]

Hi all, so my DD has 2 DDs who are 2 and 4. Her eldest started primary 1 this year and last year my DD went back to work super part time as a peripatetic music instructor in schools. She works exclusively within school hours.
Last year she did 2 full days a week and I provided childcare on one and her MIL the other. This year she has opted to put her youngest in nursery for most of her hours and eldest is obviously in school.
She asked if on the two days where she starts earlier could I come over and walk the girls to school/nursery, I only live 10 minutes walk away and she is less than 10 to the school so I agreed, I don’t work those days anyway.

So far I’ve been going round for about 8, leaving with the girls around 8:30, DD leaves at the same time.

I also collect them one day a week but she is home for around 3:20 so I don’t have them for long.

This evening she has messaged me asking if tomorrow I can aim to arrive closer to 8:25/30, so she can just leave for work as soon as I arrive and I can leave to take the children to school. This has annoyed me, so far all I’ve been doing is helping with the girls getting ready, making myself a cup of tea etc, and I’ve enjoyed that little bit of extra time with them as otherwise I only see them once a week for 2 hours.

AIBU to think this is rude and unnecessary?

Let's just hope the MIL lives up to standards then and continues to like the idea of her school runs being doubled. But we'll see. Grandmothers are expected to do exactly as they're told and keep their mouths shut at all times it seems. Almost as if they're sub-human. The worst thing is, this attitude mostly prevails amongst younger women so I suppose it's one less thing to blame the patriarchy for.

Why don't you apologise @Helcarlol?

And tell your daughter that you're really sorry that she feels as she does and that you will make changes

After all, even if 50% of what your daughter says is true - you sound pretty awful

Do you regret any of your behaviour?

This has to be a reverse surely

It is not "sub-human" to understand that they are not the grandmother's children and as such she gets no say in how they are fed/clothed/raised 🙄

Being a grandmother doesn't entitle you to start making parental choices. It's just a relationship to the child that means you get to play with them lots, share stories and wisdom and they will love you lots in return.

It's grandmothers who start acting hard done by and claim they are being treated as sub-human just because they don't get to be in charge anymore and can't accept they don't make the decisions about the children anymore that are the problem. It's the grandmother's who bang on about "on my time, in my house I make the decisions!" Who don't get to babysit their grandchildren anymore and whine they don't get enough time. No one makes decisions about how children are cared for other than their parents and it's so incredibly entitled to think otherwise.

I can see it from both sides. You are doing her a huge favour, which I hope she appreciates, but your are also getting in the way. For those reasons I wouldn't want my family involved in school drop off/pickup. We both adjusted work to allow us to alternate it between us.

2 hours a week is more than enough time to spend with them. Much as you'd probably like more they've probably got very busy lives of their own.

Sod that

I can see both sides. However, I'd tell her that I come at 8 or she can make alternative arrangements ... perhaps other grandparents want to do one drop off?

Wow, I thought there might another side and was trying to be diplomatic when I replied before, but now I’m completely with your daughter! I think she was incredible measured and articulate in her reply - I would be really hurt by your constant comments and actions and yet she’s still happy to continue having you over for a meal every week for the sake of your relationship with both her and her children. My mother can make judgy remarks and favours my sibling and it has really ground me down over the years and affected the amount of time we spend together. The fact you don’t seem to take any accountability for this is really sad.