AIBU to feel put out by my daughter's changed school run request?

[Helcarlol]

Hi all, so my DD has 2 DDs who are 2 and 4. Her eldest started primary 1 this year and last year my DD went back to work super part time as a peripatetic music instructor in schools. She works exclusively within school hours.
Last year she did 2 full days a week and I provided childcare on one and her MIL the other. This year she has opted to put her youngest in nursery for most of her hours and eldest is obviously in school.
She asked if on the two days where she starts earlier could I come over and walk the girls to school/nursery, I only live 10 minutes walk away and she is less than 10 to the school so I agreed, I don’t work those days anyway.

So far I’ve been going round for about 8, leaving with the girls around 8:30, DD leaves at the same time.

I also collect them one day a week but she is home for around 3:20 so I don’t have them for long.

This evening she has messaged me asking if tomorrow I can aim to arrive closer to 8:25/30, so she can just leave for work as soon as I arrive and I can leave to take the children to school. This has annoyed me, so far all I’ve been doing is helping with the girls getting ready, making myself a cup of tea etc, and I’ve enjoyed that little bit of extra time with them as otherwise I only see them once a week for 2 hours.

AIBU to think this is rude and unnecessary?

Some help is worse than no help. My mother would definitely fit in this category.

The DD has decided that no help is better for her in this situation - I think I can see why.

No she still wants the OP to take the kids to school

Edited to say well she did did at the time I wrote the comment

See I never counted either of my parents or stepparents as " visitors"

Visitors you make an effort for. Parents were just left to get on with it

that's lovely but not everyone has that exact relationship with their parents/daughter. The idea of my mum turning up at 8am gives me palpitations!

In a way, things haven't got worse, you have found out the real reason she doesn't want you round there having a cup of tea- it's intrusive and you go on about her brother and his kids, rather than helping her practically and focusing on the children in front of you at that time. No need to mention the other children at all in that 30 min, just chat about the day coming up with your dd's children.

If that’s how she feels it’s probably for the best , going out in all weathers just to spend a few minutes walking them to school .

just chat about the day coming up with your dd's children

Exactly this! Why can't OP just concentrate on them for the very brief time she is with them? I would go so far as to say, now the children are getting a little older and can understand more, OP's daughter is probably trying to protect them from the comparisons to their cousins which seems to have been a constant in her own life.

It must have been quite awkward to bring it up, so good for her for being honest, and when OP played the victim card, arranging an alternative for the school run instead.

Yes but I bet you aren’t using them for free daily childcare.

I also find it a bit rude tbh, you are doing her a massive favour, so what's the big deal. I must be the only one in the world who didn't find school mornings 'chaotic' 'hectic' etc etc. I am not some uber organised superhuman, just that the same things happened every morning so the routine gets settled.

I’m past the school run age now but couldn’t think of anything worse than someone else being there getting under my feet. Your daughter is probably full on busy getting ready for work and getting two young children ready.

Neither is the OP's daughter now...

I'd also be irritated by this . I managed to get 4 up, dressed and fed for school . It was never manic and I'd have loved someone to come and help or even just be there for a bit before school . She's treating you like paid staff , it's bloody rude and ungrateful . Ask her if she'd rather you not come if you're such a nuisance .

This is an excellent outcome for OP’s daughter.

I am well past the primary school run but someone coming,.making tea and talking about family would push me over the edge..
She couldn't face another year of it and maybe she thought it wouldn't happen again... So when opted out

And with hair.... Maybe the child didn't want you to do it and the DD thought it was easy to do it herself. Anyway, whatever the reason you texted her and you now know the truth.

To commit to someone one night a week is massive. We used to have clubs and homework so to keep a night free outside of this is massive. I don't think you appreciate how busy it is with young children.

God my MIL bangs on endlessly about her DD and her kids. Bloody sick of hearing about them - everything I or DH (o anyone!) says gets twisted straight round to how SIL did that or her kids are doing that or are going to that and how wonderful it is/was/will be and it drives me potty!!

We dont hear a peep about her other grand kids. Sometimes just for kicks i'll interrupt the flow of SIL news and ask about the other grandchildren. How are they going at school MIL? She falters as if i've asked her how the latest attempt at moon landings are going and gives me a vague answer before going back to the SIL monologue.

I don't even dislike SIL!! It would be so much worse if i did!

🙄🙄🙄🙄

Stop talking about your son OP and his kids OP.

OPs daughter has told her she would rather she didn't come. Because she's a nuisance. She's decided to pay someone instead so she doesn't have to deal with her anymore. Good for her!

Initially thought how rude of your DD but with the update about you talking about her brother and his kids I don't blame her at all!
Would strongly advise you say you hadn't realised you were doing that and stop immediately. She has probably been simmering about it for a long time.

This sounds a bit like my situation. My brother and I don’t get on and my Mum talks about him a lot. I just let it wash over me. Although I adore my nephews so do listen to that bit. Your DD doesn’t sound very nice to be honest. I looked after my DGS everyday full time whilst his Mum and Dad were at work.
Have your ever had a close relationship or do you get any vibes that she tolerates you rather than actually loves you.

Tgen in that case why would you want your mum to be looking after yr kids

So that that busy for someone who works 2 days a bloody week.

I'm not sure why everyone is so busy. I had 3 kids as a single parent and a full time time. I wasn't never that busy that I couldn't spend time with friends and family

But she did u til things didn't go how she tried to dictate

Oh dear. Maybe she’ll have a change of heart when the new arrangements she’s made also start getting on her nerves somehow.

Well if I was the OP and she pulled that stunt if soon tell her to F off

Yes, but she was the one who cancelled.

You seem very annoyed at this, it's clearly touched a nerve.

No one has to tolerate their mothers bad behaviour and OP has clearly overstepped and clearly complains a lot to and about her daughter. Her daughter doesn't have to be grateful and shut up, she is free to and has quite rightly told her mother to shove it and paid someone instead for an easier life.