DH wants my birthday presents back

[BeRedUser]

So a few days ago I bought 2 nice creams for a total of £50 with some birthday money I was given for my 40th. My dad specifically gave me some money amongst a sentimental present for me to buy something for me only as he knows I don’t do that very often. So I thought I’d treat myself as im on maternity leave and don’t socialise or go shopping any more (actually haven’t done since pre kids in 2021). I’m completely sleep deprived for the past 5 years.
Anyways my DH answered the door and asked what the parcel was, I told him and he went mad. he said how incredibly stupid I was spending that much money on creams. I know it is expensive but I don’t go to salons or anything for facials and I feel crap after having kids so I thought it might just perk me up and feel less tired. DH said how dare I spend that money while I’m mat leave and it should be going towards the bills (bearing in mind 100% of my salary goes on bills
and I have no money of my own afterwards). He took the box away, put it in his car to return it.
Now he says he wants my birthday presents back that he gave me (Garmin watch and an led mask) which I did put back in the box for him. So i am feeling rather sad, I’m left with nothing for myself from my birthday, all we did on the day was go to our usual down the road restaurant, he didn’t make much of an effort on the day.

I feel like divorcing this prick now. I wish my dad knew that his money that he specifically gave to me is going in my DH pocket. Dad should have just given it to him directly instead of me.

Am i being ungrateful and a spoilt brat?

thanks

Get your box back out of the car and return him instead.

You havent been out or anything since 2021? He sounds like a controlling useless pig!

I know, it's genuinely so distressing.

Tell your dad. This is not something you need to deal with by yourself. This man is a dreadful bully.

He hates women. Why are you staying 'for the kids' to watch their mum be abused?

Can you move in with your dad? Anywhere is better, you can live in a 1 bed flat. Have a look on EntitledTo to check what you'd get in benefits - they exist to help people in difficult situations like you. If your hopefully soon to be ex is employed, you'll easily get child maintenance.

https://www.entitledto.co.uk/

Police and divorce!!!

You need to see an attorney STAT.

Do you have a daughter?
Imagine in 20 years, she calls you and tells you her husband is treating her the way yours does. You would be utterly heartbroken and reinforce to her that she can do so much better and encourage her to leave.

Please treat yourself with the same respect.

The best birthday present you could give yourself this year is a divorce.

This is so sad to read. It’s definitely financial abuse, divorce him.

Tell your dad and divorce the prick. Your situation sounds at the extreme end of financial abuse. You cant live like this

I’d be ringing woman’s aid when you have time when he’s out at work and get an exit plan and just leave him.

He’s emotionally abusing your children as well as you. Staying for the kids would be incredibly bad for them longterm. It is hard to leave an abusive relationship especially with kids (been there) but it’s not impossible. Are your family supportive? I’m guessing they must be at least a bit so tell them. Abusers thrive on their victims keeping secrets and keeping their behaviour a secret from people close to them.

Sadly this is true.

I am so shocked. How dare he? That’s your money from your father to spend on you. As for taking your gifts away as punishment - it’s absolutely disgraceful. Who does he think he is, financially controlling you this way?!

This might be one of the saddest things I've read on MN ever. He has redueced your life to so little. I'm sorry OP, I'd buy you birthday flowers if I could

You have 3 or 4 kids? Did he baby trap you? One too many accidental pregnancies?

Don't forget you are providing free childcare; if he had to pay that x3-4 kids he'd be an awful lot poorer.

This is heart-wrenching to hear OP. And your poor children must feel so confused as they love you and care for you. Please get in touch with Women's Aid or your local domestic abuse charity. They can give you some advice. His behaviour IS abusive.

Get all the family support you can Op, if they don’t know already, tell them how badly your husband is treating you.
You’ll get good advice on here, look after yourself and your children.
Let your next birthday be a happy one, with your children and without a man who doesn’t deserve you all .

No, staying "for the kids" is too damaging for them. Phone your dad.

Also, please tell your Dad.

Arse

No I haven’t had an evening out on my own for a long time … well actually pre covid in 2020 before I got pregnant and lock downs happened. I had one evening out after work in June 2022 for a good friends leaving doo but he called me 1 hour in to come home as the cat hurt his leg and he had to go to the vet asap. Tbh, no one asks me any more anyways because he won’t facilitate any time out for me. I have gone out for coffees with friends but with kids of course. Im happy with that as I am a mum but I would love an evening off
just to feel a bit more
me, even to go for a swim
but he won’t look after the kids. His excuse is that I am breastfeeding atm so of course I can’t go anywhere. Of course this twat goes to the pub every week and gym a few times per week

What are you, a doormat? You are raising his children, you deserve some treats.

Is this a cultural situation?

YOU ARE NOT DOING YOUR KIDS A FAVOUR IF YOU STAY.

im sorry to shout, but you need to understand this.

you would be divorcing FOR your children. So that they don’t grow up in a toxic household watching their father abuse their mother.

he’s on 100k, you have a job, a good dad by the sounds of it, you’ll get child maintenance, he’s saved loads and it’s half yours, and if that’s all not enough, we do have a good benefits system in the uk. That’s what it’s there for, so you and your children don’t have to live with a man who should be in prison.

You know this is abuse. Tell your dad the truth. And kick that abuser out and get ur life in order. How fucking dare he!!!!! Honestly who the fuck do these fuckers think they are!!?