DH wants my birthday presents back

[BeRedUser]

So a few days ago I bought 2 nice creams for a total of £50 with some birthday money I was given for my 40th. My dad specifically gave me some money amongst a sentimental present for me to buy something for me only as he knows I don’t do that very often. So I thought I’d treat myself as im on maternity leave and don’t socialise or go shopping any more (actually haven’t done since pre kids in 2021). I’m completely sleep deprived for the past 5 years.
Anyways my DH answered the door and asked what the parcel was, I told him and he went mad. he said how incredibly stupid I was spending that much money on creams. I know it is expensive but I don’t go to salons or anything for facials and I feel crap after having kids so I thought it might just perk me up and feel less tired. DH said how dare I spend that money while I’m mat leave and it should be going towards the bills (bearing in mind 100% of my salary goes on bills
and I have no money of my own afterwards). He took the box away, put it in his car to return it.
Now he says he wants my birthday presents back that he gave me (Garmin watch and an led mask) which I did put back in the box for him. So i am feeling rather sad, I’m left with nothing for myself from my birthday, all we did on the day was go to our usual down the road restaurant, he didn’t make much of an effort on the day.

I feel like divorcing this prick now. I wish my dad knew that his money that he specifically gave to me is going in my DH pocket. Dad should have just given it to him directly instead of me.

Am i being ungrateful and a spoilt brat?

thanks

OP, respectfully - tell. your. dad. You clearly need some support. This is horrible.

Are any of your children girls ?
If so he will treat them the same
Any Boys ?
8He will teach them his behaviour is normal to females.
Get out go stay with family if you can.

When I threw exh out he took my birthday gifts...a new phone and perfume.
So if a new bf gave you these in June/july 2012 they were mine!
You need to play ghe long game op.
I left my first dh when we had 4 under 10.

He’s abusive. Don’t “stay for the kids”. Leave for the kids. So that they don’t grow up in an abusive house, thinking it’s okay to be treated this way/treat people this way. Please, let them know that this is NOT OKAY.

Can you go get the creams out of the car? (Safely).

tell your dad too. This is abusive behaviour- please look to leave as it will harm the kids to stay.

Your relationship is abusive. Speak to women’s aid, get some advice and get out.

Op, you can’t just leave and I understand that but get in touch with women’s aid and start documenting all of this now. Then when baby is old enough for nursery, police for dv charges and go to your parents. If not you can get shelter as a victim. He will keep abusing you when you leave him so you need to make sure you are documenting everything and have it all ready for the police so he can’t use the courts to abuse you. Im so sorry you’re going through this xx

Divorce this nasty bastard like yesterday….x

If you can’t get shot of him for you divorce him for your children’s sake. Children learn from their parents so you risk them being bullies who think it’s the way to behave.

Your H is a nasty abusive bastard.

Go and live with your parents. He is vile.

Sometimes I read threads on MN and despair. Why are there so many abusive men, and why do they get away with their behaviour?
Please listen to people on here. You're post partum, sleep deprived and very vulnerable, but he is absolutely vile, misogynist, cruel and controlling.
Do you need help, or have you got a plan for divorce? Start by telling your dad what happened.

Yes, they need to be out of this toxic environment.

'Leave for the kids' 💯💯💯

Take the car keys and go and get your creams back don’t let this vermin bully you. I would not stand for it

Thank you everyone for your messages. I need to figure this out and plan out. It’s been the icing on the cake tonight, my heart was broken when he was telling my kids that I’m a liar and a thief.

This is one of the worst things I've ever read on here.

He’s financially abusive. This will not improve. You seriously want to raise your children in a household with this monster?

Your children are 5 and under. This is so damaging. You are under estimating the damage your husband is doing to your children.

Im sorry your husband is a twat. Has he always been abusive.

Ok. You need out and you need to protect your children. Can you call your Dad now to help?

Me too. I am not often shocked on here now, and in my 60s have a reasonable idea how foul men can often be. @opplease talk to your dad and make plans. Including double/triple contraception.

Are you safe. Is he likely to become physically violent to you or the children.

He’s hiding something, debt perhaps
he’s still horrible
make sure you tell your Dad

He is an abusive, it will only get worse, even if you can’t leave now you need to be thinking about how to do that in the future, this is not a man you can stay married to.