DH wants my birthday presents back

[BeRedUser]

So a few days ago I bought 2 nice creams for a total of £50 with some birthday money I was given for my 40th. My dad specifically gave me some money amongst a sentimental present for me to buy something for me only as he knows I don’t do that very often. So I thought I’d treat myself as im on maternity leave and don’t socialise or go shopping any more (actually haven’t done since pre kids in 2021). I’m completely sleep deprived for the past 5 years.
Anyways my DH answered the door and asked what the parcel was, I told him and he went mad. he said how incredibly stupid I was spending that much money on creams. I know it is expensive but I don’t go to salons or anything for facials and I feel crap after having kids so I thought it might just perk me up and feel less tired. DH said how dare I spend that money while I’m mat leave and it should be going towards the bills (bearing in mind 100% of my salary goes on bills
and I have no money of my own afterwards). He took the box away, put it in his car to return it.
Now he says he wants my birthday presents back that he gave me (Garmin watch and an led mask) which I did put back in the box for him. So i am feeling rather sad, I’m left with nothing for myself from my birthday, all we did on the day was go to our usual down the road restaurant, he didn’t make much of an effort on the day.

I feel like divorcing this prick now. I wish my dad knew that his money that he specifically gave to me is going in my DH pocket. Dad should have just given it to him directly instead of me.

Am i being ungrateful and a spoilt brat?

thanks

Jeez, I am raging on your behalf. How dare he!

How dare you?
That would be enough for me. Cheeky cunt.
I don't have ANY face cream or makeup.
My DH wouldn't even think about it if I chose to spend £350 on a pot of anything.
He would be astonished, but certainly wouldn't question it

Get your dad round immediately and have him tell your husband to give him HIS gifts back their not your shit bag husbands to take. Divorce immediately! The fact that your dad stressed to you that the money is explicitly for you to treat yourself already says he knows what a wanker you’re married too. Bet he’s got thousands in the bank this divorce could leave you in a better position than you are now, hit the bastard where it hurts right in the wallet! Your children deserve a happy healthy mum and you deserve happiness too!

WTH have I just read.

If this is true (sorry have to say this as it sounds so far out there) you have GOT to divorce that pos.

Make that your birthday present. Quick.

Oh my days.. imagine your daughter one day coming to you and telling you her husband treats her like this.. what would tell her ? I’ve read some awful stories on here, this is one of the worst. I could cry for you

This is an absolute case of LTB, you poor thing. You'll get childcare hours when his 100k+ isn't factored in too, child maintenance, plus potentially benefits you might actually be better off

That’s basically part of the abusers handbook to isolate you, not help or actively try and stop you (bs with the cat) being with friends.

you deserve far better than this.

The cat just happened to hurt his leg an hour after you went on an incredibly rare night out, did it?

I would agree. It’s one that’s so unbelievably sad that you wish it not to be true.

I am sure if any of his friends knew they would be utterly disgusted. Just a big bully that I can’t wish enough hate upon.

Don't expose 4 other people to this. Children are sponges, they soak it all up even if you paint on a smile and try to jolly things up and keep the peace.

It's very common in abusive relationships for there to be lots of children in quick sucession, it keeps you tethered and vulnerable, away from colleagues/other adults and financially insecure. You say you haven't gone shopping or socialised for 5 years, so it's working isn't it? Isolated in a shrinking world and with fewer options. Women's Aid and other support services will have seen this before and be able to advise.

Can your dad come to stay? Or can you stay with your dad?

I'm sorry you are experiencing this OP, you deserve much better.

He is abusive. Please find a way to leave him.

You are not a brat in the slightest. And how dare he tell you what you can spend your birthday money on. Tell your dad, see what he says. And that is just cruel taking your other presents too.

You deserve nice things. Including a nice partner. He is a prick.

#teamdivorce
pleasw tell you dad where the money and your presents have honey your DH is counting on your silence and it’s his shame not yours. I’m glad he’s done this as the final thing to set you free.

He is abusive and controlling. For the sake of your future and your children, please make plans to get away from him. It will never get better, he will never be better. Glad to hear he's good at saving money - because about half that will be yours when you divorce him. If you're not on birth control, get some right away.
Please save your own life now, it's the only one you've got.

@BeRedUser I am struggling to understand why someone with the intelligence at least to use the internet can't understand how it happens. Clue: Abusers don't start off as abusers, they wait until the woman is trapped. And then they undermine their self belief, self esteem etc so that they have no fight left and believe the abuser that they are in the wrong.

I daresay you think you are clever, experienced and wise in making such comments to the OP but actually it reveals you as smug, nasty and victim-blaming.

Why on earth do you keep having children with the idiot. Children keep you tied to him and the home.

Please recognise that this is not normal. He is abusing you. You need to find a way to release you and your children away from this.

He fucking is. I’m absolutely raging at this, serously
op wjo the fk does he think he is!!! Tell your dad he took your birthday money. Tell him the whole story. Do u have brothers? Tell them as well, and ask for
help to get the fuck away from this absolute asshole cunt who doesn’t give a flying fuck about the mother of his
children. U need him gone. And I know different stories and that. But I swear if my man tried that he would be getting hit in the face with his presents as he was booted out the front door

What? He spends hundreds of pounds on gifts for you but you can’t spend £50 of gifted money on yourself?

If this is all true and he called you a liar in front of your children, they are going to start doing the same to you as they grow up.

Even in the worst situations, whatever a person will take from their abuser, it’s usually when they see it being done to their kids that they see it.

Do you see it?

Tell your dad. Get out now.

I'd be finding a way to take photos or screenshots of every bank account, shares account etc then email them to a new, entirely hidden email address. Then delete all traces from your phone. This man is going to fight dirty financially. He clearly thinks it's his money.

See how fucking much he is able to earn and save when he is sending child maintenance every week. Screw him right where it hurts, his wallet. What an absolute prick.

What the fuck did I just read. Seriously, this is abuse, you need to get out NOW - for the sake of your kids.

£50 on face creams is nothing, BTW.

What would your dad say if you told him this?

He sounds controlling and abusive. It was your birthday money to spend it how you like. It’s not for him to decide.