ds has refused his first 2 days of year 7

[dinosaursroars]

my ds was due to start year 7 yesterday, he’s got asd but no ehcp which i was already concerned about

i don’t drive so he was going to to with his older brother (y10) on the bus but he wasn’t starting until today so I tried to take him yesterday but was also with my baby in the pushchair and my 5yo.

he got ready and everything but when we were walking to the bus stop he kept saying he didn’t want to go and was getting upset and tried to run in the road and it just wasnt safe as it was just me and also trying to keep an eye on my younger children so i gave in and we went home which probbaly wasnt great

Today I had to do the school run for my 5yo so couldn’t take him in and he was going to go with his brother as planned but he just wouldn’t get dressed he kept saying things like he wanted his old school and he didnt want to start a new school etc so again i gave in as he was going to make my other children late

have phones the school and the head of year 7 is supposed to call me today but hasn’t yet

I just feel like a failure already i was already worried about him going to school and how he’d cope but not actually getting him there i didnt think this would be the issue

You need to get the younger children looked after while you concentrate on this child that needs a parent,
You can’t expect his sibling to give him the support he needs.
Where is the father/s of the little ones? Get him to help out for a few days and prioritise this child or you will end up with a school refuser and another child on the scrap heap.
And l mean this in nicest way -stop having children. You only have so much to go round and autistic children need so so much support. I couldn’t even work while DD was at senior school because of the sheer amount of time and energy it took getting her there and trying to get her to stay there. Endless emails &meetings…..but I did it and she came out with all her GCSEs. But that was only though sheer hard work on my part. .
Youare spreading yourself too thin -please don’t offload your 11 yr old boy on his older sibling who has neither the ability, maturity or interest in supporting him. It’s not fair on either of them and they will both suffer.

If you want to get him into school tomorrow -which I would advise as missing three days is a lot at the beginning of a new year -then he needs you 1:1 to be there with him. Can you make an appt withthe SENCO for end of school today to come up with a plan with him? Take him with you? Try and get the SENCO on side - and don’t rely on an EHCP. The application will take at least a year and councils simply haven’t got the funds for them so likely would have togotoappeal.
I know I sound tough - but by god you have tobe. Either that or home educate him .

There is some seriously bad/misinformed advice on this thread. OP it sounds like he needs more support (as you probably already know!), is the SENCO involved, did they do any extra transition support? Sometimes it’s helpful for children to have some time in the building to see the classrooms, meeting teachers etc before the rest of the children arrive.

Is he known to CAMHS? You need support from the school and professionals and if you aren’t getting it keep pushing for it. If his current school isn’t helpful are there any other schools that are more nurturing or supportive even if they aren’t your closest school?

Look up information and support for EBSA, as this is what this is.

@roaringdragon I am always getting the C and H round the wrong way with EHCP - and my daughter actually has one 😂

You are so ignorant.

Well she has the kids now what do you want her to do about it?

You don't have a clue.

Finally, some sense. I have a 16 year old with Aspergers and I have trained/corrected him (appropriately) over the years to not act like he rules this home and tells ME how it is!
The child here definitely requires sanctioning for running into the road. The consequences of that could be deadly.
I have witnessed a similar aged child hit by a car and it will haunt me forever.
Excellent post from yourself

Has he got any friends from primary he could meet up with? Is there a nearer school not requiring him to take a bus? It will be daunting although his brother will be doing it too. Do you have someone who could take your 5yo to school while you go with your 11yo? It's a shame he hasn't had a chance to practice the journey, have a visit day last term, plan the first days in advance etc. Hopefully the school will be able to support him. But 4 kids is a lot! The dad(s) should be helping, can you reach out to them, why is this all on you. What will you do when you go back to work?

My son is autistic school refusal... I had to take others to school then double back go back home and take son sometimes it took 30 mins other 3 hours but he was going !! I wouldnt just think oh sod it ....better late than never

My son is autistic school refusal... I had to take others to school then double back go back home and take son sometimes it took 30 mins other 3 hours but he was going !! I wouldnt just think oh sod it ....better late than never

This is such a strange and narrow world view.
Plenty of people who struggled at school cope just fine with adult life.

Maybe the growing up thing worked well for the autistic kids in your life but it doesn't for everyone.

Has he met his Head of Year? Can you meet with them, even if it’s after school do he can get to know them.
I have managed to get children into school because I have built a relationship with them.
If a parent emails first thing with school refusal, I phone home after registration and try and talk to the child myself, reassuring them that it’s fine if they are late. I often get the parents to bring them in just before break time. It reduces the panic/stress in the moment and everyone is calmer an hour or so later. I also meet the child at the school gates and walk them in the back way so they don’t have to do the Reception Walk of Shame. I sign them in. They then get break time to chill with friends before having to get to class.
it can be so tricky but getting them in is most important. The quicker you break the pattern, the easier it is. Sending love as it is so hard for parents going through this. X

It doesn’t sound like the bus is viable for the time being, until he is settled in school.

I agree with PP, you need to speak to the SENCO first and make a plan- whether you take him a bit late after you’ve dropped the 5 year old or the other way round and take him first. If you get him to a stage where he’s happy to go into school then the bus can be an option.

I know this is unpopular stance, but I agree with Balloonhearts. I am admittedly the tough parent.

Well what happens when autistic people get forced into school placements that are unsuitable for them is that they leave school with severe mental health problems and no qualifications and then people like you probably moan that they are claiming PIP because they’ve been damaged by an unsuitable education.

One size does NOT fit all. And the sooner people catch on to that, the more people with ND conditions will be able to lead productive lives and have a chance of a good career.

Most 11year olds could not cope with a FT job in the adult world, regardless of ND.

In fact, most adults wouldn’t be able to cope with a school day like an 11year old has to do.

I wonder how you’d cope at your job if you had to do sports day or do laps around the field in the cold rain then get changed in the communal changing rooms and do a full days work whilst damp and cold.

Assume this was a reply to me.
I did not say that my child could refuse school and then walk into a job of his choosing.
I said I was worried secondary school could be difficult for him and I have hope that an adult work environment will be easier in comparison.

Have a medal 🥇

I must have missed the part where it says kids with autism don’t need to bother going to school.

Mainstream senior schools are unsuitable for most autistic children.

I’m guessing it wasn’t an immaculate conception and so there is/was a dad on the scene.

He is either still around but working, not around because he’s a deadbeat or dead.
None of which makes it ok to judge OP.

OP has 4 kids roughly ages 15, 11, 5 and a baby - on average that’s 5 years between them all - so she’s obviously not constantly popping them out irresponsibly.

You need to make not going to school less attractive than going to school. If he knew he’d be either sitting outside school all day with you or sitting at the kitchen table for 6 hours with only school work in front of him, he’d go in. What did he do the days he stayed home?

We are talking about school, not the front line of World War 2!

I got wet the other day walking to work in the pissing rain at 7am. I wore a coat and had an umbrella but my socks were wet and I was cold.

I sat at my desk and got on with my work and very quickly warmed up and dried out. Who on earth are these adults who you think couldn’t cope with the school day of an 11 year old?!

And plenty of adults exercise and change in mixed changing rooms.

This kind of thing is a bit frustrating.

Smirky slights and point scoring over any meaningful debate.

Obviously, it's not about 'bothering' to go to school, is it? Whichever side of this you're on, it's not about that.

FYI forcing a round peg into a square hole is exactly what causes people to be ‘unemployable and on benefits’.

This is why PIP claims have gone up. Tory coalition cut funding for schools and children with SEN so they did not get a suitable education and standards dropped. That started in 2010. Oh and Michael Gove made the curriculum harder whilst also taking money away. Because magical thinking gets the job done. I see teachers on here saying that children in year 3 are now being taught stuff that used to be taught to year 5.

Something had to give…