Things not what they seem ?

[Daygloboo]

I know someone who makes a great big song about how lovely food is but doesnt actually seem to eat much. It took me a while to twig....if indeed I have got the right end of the stick. They are often lovely and I would never mention it but of late Ive felt uncomfortable as if there is a whole layer of something that is actually driving the entire dynamic and that things have not been what they seem for a very long time.

I'm sorry but this makes no sense to me. Could you explain more about what you are talking about?

They could be anorexic, they could be one of the lizard people. Your post isn't exactly full of details of what you're on about.

I'm often at the receiving end of comments like this. I love my food but have a small appetite. I'm fed up of hints and digs about suspected disordered eating.

I'm in my 60s, super fit, and healthy with a BMI of about 22 (I can't give an exact figure because I don't weigh myself but that was the result at my last health check 4 years ago) so there are no medical grounds for people's faux or genuine concerns.

it is perfectly possible to love food AND eat small portions.

People can love food without over eating. Unless you live with this person, you couldn't know that they don't eat much. Don't most people do the majority of their eating at home?

Unless you are often making food and serving it to this person, why does it matter? Even then, it wouldn’t be a big deal. They may have some issues around food and eating - are you saying that’s affecting your whole relationship?

I had a school friend who was really bubbly, intelligent, made the whole class laugh. My best friend in the lower years.Then in 6th form and beyond she became judgemental, scoffing, mocking, competitive and seemed to develop a completely different personality..she met up with me and another friend several years later and told us she had food problems, so I'm.probably s bit sensitive to the whole issue. I know it's an illness but if there is a barrier between you and the other person because it's so secretive, you cant really bring it up, can you, even though it might be driving the whole dynamic of your friendship. That's the problem I guess..... not knowing what to do with that..

Yeah, I'm sure that's true on a lot if cases, but in the particularccase I'm talkkng aboit I thjnk yhere might be something ellse going on.

What is it you think is going on?

An eating problem

OP, this is an anonymous forum. You can come out and say exactly what you're thinking/ what you mean.

It is hard to follow your posts as they're pretty cryptic!

But you said she told you she had a food problem? What's the mystery?

What are lizard people?

So you think someone might have an eating disorder.

OK. What's your actual question, though? What's your dilemma?

"of late Ive felt uncomfortable as if there is a whole layer of something that is actually driving the entire dynamic and that things have not been what they seem for a very long time"

What does this even mean? Seriously? What on earth are you on about?

Huh?

But from one of her subsequent posts, the friend actually told her this, so it's even more mystifying what the problem is...?

I know. That"s exactly the problem. I feel bad and awkward about it..l I know they might have a problem and I have sympathy for that but I also think it is hard to interract with someone....., when you are trying to interpret behaviour.... as one inevitably does when interracting with another human being..... if you think the behaviour is coming from an inauthentic place,..... what do you do. Let me give two examples just to make it clearer because I'm wondering if other people have encountered this and how they have engaged with it. First. Going out with a group of friends and someone touches on that topic and you see this person suddenly very clearly pulling at their cuffs, and seeming to visibly shrink into their seat....quite markedly, when they are actually a very confident person who normally talks a lot. Second. The person being very encouraging and vocal around any arrangement involving food but then getting a very strong vibe that it's all performative and that you are actually taking part in a bit of a charade. It's making me less and less ' freeflowing' in my interractions to the point where I think I might knock it on the head.

No i'm talking about a friend from my adolescence and a DIFFERENT friend now.

OP, this is sounding madder and madder, frankly. Why does it matter whether or not this friend has an eating disorder? Why are you monitoring her body language? Why does it matter whether she's enthusiastic about going out for dinner? She's presumably managing her issues as best she can. You're making it all about you.

OK, but why does it matter? Eating disorders aren't exactly unusual. My own eating is very disordered, but it's not something I'd talk about apart from to my closest friends.

No im talking about acfriend from my adolescence and DIFFEERENT friend NOW.

Yes, I think things are sometimes not what they seem. A bit like your thread?

Do you know any of her other friends or family? Can you mention your concerns to them?

She’s on Mounjaro

No i disagree. I think interraction involves interpretation. We all do it all the time. I mean you wouldnt have phrases like ' reading the room' if there was no truth to that. And if what you are getting and what you think you are getting are rather jarring then I think it becomea a probllem..