AIBU to call off our wedding ten days before the ceremony?

[ThisFunnyZebra]

I have found myself in an unbearable situation and don’t know what to do. I’m getting married in 10 days and am literally having panic attacks at the thought of it.

It’s all paid for, everyone’s invited, everything is booked and organised, we’ve been on the hen and stag parties, and the honeymoon is booked straight after the wedding.

We have two children (twins), aged 22 months.

The wedding was supposed to have happened two years ago, but I fell pregnant so we decided to postpone it as it was going to be around my due date. I was really looking forward to it at the time and things were good between us.

Fast-forward to now, I actually can’t bear to be around him. He is useless with the twins, I do absolutely everything around the house, carry the mental load, do the shopping, housework and work full-time. He’s fucking useless.

I’m not sure why I didn’t see this before, probably because it was less of an issue before being parents. We both had our own lives, seeing friends etc.

We have nothing in common. We have no conversation, nothing to talk about, he’s not even interested in talking about the kids. I’ve actually noticed he’s got no personality. We hardly have sex, and when we do it’s just to get him off my back. I know that sounds bad, but I actually fucking resent him so much I can’t bear the thought of him coming near me.

I know I’m not perfect and since having the kids I’ve also changed. They are my priority and I just don’t have time for him after completing my day.

I shouldn’t have let the wedding get this far, but it was booked years ago and I thought things would get better. We are kind of in the trenches at the moment with the twins. But I honestly feel sick at the thought of marrying him.

How can I call it off at such a late date? Should I just go through with it and, if things don’t improve, get divorced? I’m fucked!

Of course you need to call it off otherwise it's a farce!

Call it off. You won't regret it. But I bet you'd regret it if you went through with it

What’s your living situation? Have you bought a house together or is it his?

If you no longer want to be with him call it off. If you do he is probably going to split with you so providing you are prepared for that - cancel.

I really feel for you. But if you really want to end the relationship then the worse thing you can do is marry him. I'm sorry.

Call it off, it will be difficult but better than going through with it and living in misery

It might not seem like it right now, but I assure you that calling it off with be far less expensive and distressing than a divorce down the track.

You poor thing. Does he know how you feel? Is it possible hes feeling the same way?
Definitely call the wedding off. I hope you have some good Family and Friends to support you through this. Best of luck

Of course you can call it off. Even at this late stage, the sooner you decide and tell people the better. You can’t end up married to someone you can’t bear to be around just because the events are all booked.

Does he know how you feel?

Please don’t go ahead with the wedding, if you feel like this now, how are you going to feel in 20 years time. It won’t get better…trust me.

We bought a house 50/50 and have a 50/50 mortgage so we would need to sell up if we split as I wouldn’t be able to get a mortgage for it on my salary

Depends , will you better off divorced or splitting now

Do you mean financially? We don’t really have assets other than work pensions

Definitely call it off. Hard now but you’ll thank yourself in the future!! Refuse to live in misery that brings absolutely nothing to your life but burden.

Do not marry him.

Life is too short.

Don’t go through with it. Marriage isn’t something you do just because you’re worried about inconveniencing people that you’ve invited or companies you’ve hired.
It’s a lifelong commitment as well as legal binding of two people.
If you don’t like him and he makes your skin crawl then save yourself the hassle of a messy divorce and walk away now while you’re still able to with the least harm to yourself.

I told him I was having doubts about the wedding, I didn’t say about our relationship. But he said let’s just crack on as it’s paid for and we can’t cancel now as we will lose the money and will look stupid and have to explain to everyone. He’s also very stressed / depressed at the moment he has had a recent bereavement in the family and that adds a layer of complexity as it makes me feel like I’d be kicking him when he’s down

Don’t do it. Just don’t. Have you got anyone you can talk to in person? That could possibly help, saying it out loud to someone. No point thinking about what’s gone before, it’s a sunk cost fallacy. Just tell him you’re not getting married. Then tell everyone else. Get your sister/bff/maid of honour to ring round telling people. Just cancel it. You can’t be entering into a legal contract with someone when you feel like this. Everything can be sorted out, one step at a time. But never marry someone you don’t want to, just don’t.

I predict you will find that all the people that know and love you will be very supportive of your decision

try and put to one side his depression - it doesn’t sound like he would be marrying you for the right reasons anyway if he’s worried about looking bad

It'll never be easy to split up, but it'll only be harder if you marry him.
You can call off the wedding.
Anyone who truly cares about you would not want you to continue if you're feeling like this.
You wouldn't want this for your children, so don't have them growing up seeing mum do all the work and thinking it's normal.
Be your own friend.
Good luck

Can also confirm this to be true

from bitter experience

Some family members might be upset about your decision but honestly, you can't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. Your fiance will thank you later once he gets over the initial embarrassment.

You can defo call it off. Speak to friends and family to reassure you and speak to him when you can ❤️

I have known people who called it off a month before (female) and a week before (male). If it doesn't feel right don't do it.

Whether it it is reasonable or not is immaterial, if you don't want to get married then do not get married