Loo issue in the office

[Standingupstream]

NC for this..
I work in an office with mainly women. There is one man who is senior to us, although he isn’t our manager, and he only started coming over to our office a few months ago.We only have one loo that we all share, and before he started working in our office, this was never an issue.
Now, about 30 minutes after arriving, he disappears into the loo for ages. When he finally comes out, the smell is absolutely suffocating. There’s no window, in the loo and the air fresheners just seem to make the whole thing even more vomit-inducing.
Then, a couple of hours later, he goes again. And again after lunch. And usually once more in the afternoon. This happens pretty much every time he’s in the office, which is around 3–4 days a week.
It has now become a running joke amongst us. If someone needs the loo and it’s occupied, we ask ( other people ) if it’s him, because we all know there’s absolutely no point even attempting to go in for at least half an hour. 😂
My DH actually uses a different loo at home because I hate a poo-smelling bathroom, but obviously if it happens occasionally I’m not exactly precious about it because he’s my DH. I just find it rather gross being subjected to this at work by a man I barely know. 😂

The problem is, we genuinely don’t know what to do about it. How on earth do you approach a grown man about the fact that his toilet habits are basically fumigating the entire office, without completely humiliating him?!
I actually started to worry if he has some serious stomach issues. That would be actually completely different matter.
How would you approach it? Or should we just leave it. We are becoming very cross about it.

Well why don’t any of you use that loo if the second loo is occupied?

I worked for 27 years in a school with Unisex staff toilets. It was never an issue.

1. He 100% has bowel problems. Otherwise he would not need the loo that many times per day and for that long.

1. It is not his fault or issue to resolve. The problem is that you only have a cubicle and that is poorly ventilated. The solution is for your employer to sort the toilet arragements. Not to victimise a poor employee.

If you have a disabled loo it sounds as if he has a condition that might warrant him using it.

Your office layout and facilities are a bigger issue as it also sounds like they don't meet legal requirements.

Agree. Its mandatory for the toilet to have a working extractor fan. Your workplace needs to sort it and in the meantime i'd just use the downstairs loo.

You could send an an anonymous note to HR stating the issues, but this will embarrass him too! I would use the down stairs one myself. He’s probably well aware of his issues which may well be medical. I expect we have all had episodes of D and V and should have some inkling of his problems.

If you know him well enough to know he doesn't have a stoma then you know him well enough to have a conversation about this.

Is it just the toilet that smells or the whole office? Are there people working near the toilet on the floor below you? If so, why it ok for them to have their nearest toilet be smelly but not you? Are we going to have another post in a few weeks time "My colleague from upstairs keeps coming down to use our toilet to poo and it's making the office smell. Why can't he use the toilet on his floor?

The fact that your husband has a separate toilet at home makes me think you are hyper sensitive to bodily smells. I wonder if this is as big an issue as you are making out.

I worked in a building with "unisex" toilets for several years.

Each was a self-contained cubicle, with a washbasin and sanpro bin, and they opened onto a short corridor off the main corridor. Two of each group of 4 were on the outside wall of the building had an opening window, the other 2 were windowless but had an extractor fan that came on automatically when you put the light on.

The organisation was renowned for being a stickler for "rules" and I'd be gobsmacked if this arrangement breached any legislation.

I’ve just googled it and under heal and safety law men and women should have separate toilets, so you could raise this with HR. You could approach it from a menstrual issue point of view, so it does not seem personal to him. Just an idea, I’m not suggesting periods are anything shameful

Two things: I'm glad I don't work with a bunch of gossiping women, who are laughing behind this man's back. Two - you've reminded me why I loathe unions.

An office email to all saying that the fan isn't working well and so we are requesting that anything other than a wee is done downstairs to avoid making a smell in the office.
With a response required to confirm you have read. Job done. No one singled out. A printout of the email inside the toilet as a reminder.

They don’t have to separate by sex by law. We recently rejigged our toilets for 20 people so I know this. But it would be good practice. They do if it’s not a separate room lockable from the outside but I think this one is. But there are between 6-25 people so the should be providing 2 toilets, it’s the legal requirement. So they need to make the downstairs toilet accessible to all or build another toilet. And it needs decent ventilation.

He obviously doesn't have any social skills or self awareness so you need to be blunt. 'Hi, could you please use the toilet downstairs as the smell is unbearable, thanks!' I couldn't care less even if he does have medical issues, many people do. You don't just carry on like this when there is another loo downstairs.

There are 15 women and not one of you have thought to get the extractor fan fixed. There's a toilet downstairs, which you think none of you should possibly be expected to use. You are all isolating this man by suggesting he should use it. It's easier just to have a running joke, which is actually bullying. I agree with the poster who said he will know he's the subject of the office gossip.

The extractor fan needs fixing , insist that this happens at once
You can get loo cleaner that goes in the cistern and so is replenished at every flush.
There may not be much the man can do himself about the underlying health problem, not everything has a solution. The fact that it's a man isn't relevant.

Correct so your workplace is legally compliant, despite what others are saying.

I would request a decent extractor to be fitted and I would use the downstairs loo. As others have said this must be a medical issue. I wouldn’t highlight to him as there’s obviously likely a medical reason. I have a relative with Crohn’s disease who struggles at work.

I used to work with someone like this, there was a toilet with a half arsed ineffective fan feet from the work area and 3 more toilets but further away.

We had to ask him to use the ones further away, it was all done in a jokey way, no bullying or mockery. Smells are of course normal but people need to be considerate as no one else should have to be subjected to a stink when there's another loo!

Why dont you use the other toilet ?

If hes going frequently then he may have a medical condition which he doesnt have to tell anyone in the office about.

Where has he come from to start using your office? Did he previously work in a different office? It doesn’t sound like he’s part of your team. Is there somewhere else he’s supposed to be working?

Surely there's a better way of doing it if you know it's going to be really disgusting for everyone else.

Would you not use a toilet that's a bit out of the way & not open into the office?

I can understand if you were having a medical emergency but if it's routine & you can get somewhere where it's not going to cause problems for everyone else then surely that would be the more socially aware thing to do?

I did work with someone with a Stoma in a similar set up. She was an 'interesting' person anyway but she seemed to hold a grudge & bitterness about her disability & wanted to take it out on anyone she felt wasn't suffering as much as her. The smells were absolutely vile. I think it doesn't smell as much to the person doing it but God it got stuck in your nose.

He is communicating it to the whole office though - just not verbally

Extractor fans are useless. They shift steam from showers etc but no way do they remove smells quickly.

He needs to go downstairs, why are so many of you wanting to enable this inconsiderate man's poor shared toilet etiquette! He has another option.

Gossiping women?? Your misogynistic attitude stinks like the toilet after this man has had four big, massive, smelly shits.

Menstrual issues?! What kind of menstrual issues prevent women and men from using the same toilet? Genuinely baffled by what you could mean here.

I don't know what you googled but women and men do not need separate toilets. My workplace (office space within a hospital) has unisex toilets. No issues at all, even when I have my period.