AIBU to still feel shaken after drunk men made vile comments on Wizz Air flight?

[morello1]

I think I need a bit of a mum hug, because I keep wanting to cry about something that happened on a flight recently.

I was with my DD9 and there were three very drunk men I'd say early 30s sitting behind her. They'd moved seats during the flight and had been drinking heavily, getting louder and more obnoxious as the flight went on - really vile stuff. She had head phones on so I thought don't start a scene just ignore and get off.

Towards the end though you have to put away devices and as we were standing to get off I pointed at my DD and gave them a pleading sort of look, just so they realised there was a child sitting in front of them. I didn't confront them just guestured.
One of them put his hand on my arm said, “You're right, it's not funny. sorry love”
The other then said grinning:
“It is funny if I rape the fucking kid.”
The first one immediately said he'd gone too far using the “R word”, and they all laughed.

I was completely stunned. I didn't know what to say. I just wanted to get my daughter away from them, so I got her off the plane as quickly as I could. I told the staff as I was leaving that I needed to make a complaint and I was crying at that point but the staff were kids and just looked at me blankly I wanted to get my DD as far away from them as poss as quickly as poss

back in england I've reported it to the police. They initially seemed to take it very seriously, particularly because these were three drunk men on a flight making an explicit comment about a child. I've got a crime reference number and the airport police have contacted Wizz Air.
It seems to be difficult to identify the men because they'd moved seats during the flight, and the police are having difficulty getting the booking/payment details relating to the seat changes. They haven't said it's closed, but I have a new officer who gives the impression they were trying to manage my expectations.

I've also complained to Wizz Air and, despite sending everything they've asked for and chasing them twice, they've basically not responded. ZERO.

And now I don't know whether I should just leave it.
I keep thinking I should have done something differently. Got the cabin crew details. Confronted them. Made more of a fuss. But honestly, I was shocked and my only thought was getting my DD away from them and fast.

I know I've reported it and I've done what I can. But I can't seem to stop replaying it.
How do you actually move on from something like this? Would you keep pursuing it, or would you draw a line under it and try to forget about it?
I think I just need some mums to tell me I'm not being ridiculous for still being really really upset about it.

I'm furious on your behalf. While wizzair cant do anything about the fact that some people are dicks they can do something about continuing to serve alchohol to people who are clearly intoxicated.

In terms of what was actually said, I think that's harder as it's your word against theirs, if others were able to corroborate I'd very much hope they would take it seriously.

The lack of response is not surprising but awful. I'd try twitter if you can face it.

But you probably did the right thing at the time and taking your DD out of the situation as calmly as possible.

A few years ago I was on an easyjet flight and there were some foul mouthed drunk people on the flight. To be fair to the cabin crew (fairly mature, older than the drunks), they refused to sell them more alcohol read them the riot act. That seemed to shut them up but these people should be banned from all airlines for life. I know airlines have their own banned lists but apparently dont share them with each other .

Really depresing that we have to come across these people

I've been on a (budget airline) flight to Schiphol with a rowdy, drunk group who were detained by Dutch police on arrival and returned to UK. I wasn't sitting near them so don't know how bad they were. If more airlines took this attitude, as well as not continuing to serve alcohol, perhaps flying would be more enjoyable.

This is dreadful and I’m so sorry it happened to you - you should never have been put in that position by the airline but they continue to allow people to be drunk in their flights. As for “moving on”, great if you can but I don’t blame you for feeling traumatised. I hope you manage to get some justice from this. If it’s any comfort, an upskirter in a crowded shopping centre was caught recently, so these things can happen.

Absolutely

What do you mean the staff were kids?? If someone said that about my child, I would have gone ballistic. Did none of the other passengers say anything?! It all seems bizarre. If three men were acting like twats on a flight I'm sure someone would have told them to shut up. You said they moved seats so was it a very empty plane then? You should have reported it to the air cabin crew at the time. Realistically nothing is going to be done by the police. They are drunken twats that probably needed to be banned by the airline.

For once, it
might be nice if this thread were to be picked up by the Daily Mail - then one of the pricks might see it and they could all live in fear for a while

It’s a shame you didn’t get photos of them on your phone. That would’ve been very useful. They are disgusting men and you are right to have reported them to the police. Wizz will definitely be able to identify them so I’d start @ ing them on social media about it to get them to do something. Bad media isn’t good.

I'd give it a go with the consumer pages in the newspapers, the minister for aviation...and then stop if it didn't shift things. Trustpilot review too.

Be nice if their workplaces found out they were employing men who get pissed and suggest raping children. I think they'd find themselves out of a job. Shame the papers cant get hold of the story. I'm sure they could find out who they were.

I am so sorry that you, and your daughter, experienced that truly vile verbal attack. I think you were right to prioritise protecting your daughter from escalation, at the time. But I would really like these despicable men to face consequences. And no, you weren't overreacting to get upset at some pervert "joking" about raping your child.

No way would I let this go. No way. I’d be all over social media, I’d make it my mission to hunt this man down and let his work, his parents, his partner and any kids know what he says about raping children when he’s had a few beers. I would not rest.

I hope you take this as far as it can go and I’m so sorry this happened to you and your daughter.

Read the OPs posts. That might help you with answers. She explains the “kids” comment. She also explains why she didn’t say anything at the time .

You might have “gone ballistic” and that would probably have been a stupid thing to do on your own with a 9 year given that they were 3 drunken vile men and the crew didn’t seem able to deal with them.

I would be angry but I wouldn't cry and wouldn't get the police involved. I'd probably have given them a piece of mind and left it at that

Just wanted to say I’d be so upset too and completely understand why you can’t let it go, I have a 9 year old DD and would feel exactly the same, I think you acted in exactly the right way in focusing on getting your DD off the plane and away from them-you have no idea what confronting them would have done, and posters saying they know they would have responded differently weren’t there and really don’t know how they’ve have responded in the moment. Good for you for pursuing this, and I echo PPs that I’m grateful you’ve highlighted this about the airline as I will also be sure to avoid. Vile vile men, but absolutely not acceptable that no follow up is possible.

Sorry haven't read the full thread, but have read OP's responses, and would just like to ask the OP, whether it occurred to her at any point that she and her DD could have gone and sat in the seats that the 3 men had moved from when she realised that they were going to be a nuisance? I know that it makes zero difference now, but just wondered if it crossed her mind, as in a situation like that, that's the first thing I would have done, as I'd do anything to get away from obnoxious people on a flight.

Not the same as you, but similar happened to me on a flight. I alerted the cabin crew and the pilot called the police and the man was taken off the flight when we landed. It was all discrete and he never knew I’d reported him until he was taken off, and then I had officers with me until I left the airport.

I would say I hope this never happens to you again, but if it did, acting in the moment means you have the best chance of them being identified.

Following a distressing incident myself I have resolved in future my own plan would be to speak to the senior cabin steward and ask that the Captain be advised and that police be requested to meet the aircraft on arrival - no one gets off, the police come aboard. But at the time I froze…. I’ve subsequently been in situations where we as passengers have told spooked crew that we will act with them and for them (potential terrorists aboard), and on other flights have discreetly made crew aware if anyone is behaving suspiciously.

I hate to say this but Wizz Air are not a UK airline, I think they may be Hungarian. This won’t help with trying to get them onboard. It sounds awful and distressing.

If the police 'can't trace the men' when the security for getting on a plane is so strict and takes so long, I would be wondering if the men were actually police themselves............

Me too - I’d share the flight date, time, destination and flight number. Someone will recognise their partner, husband, friend, or son. Let social media do the only thing it’s good for! Disgusting men like that deserve a public shaming.

Worrying they do not value passenger safety more. Three men that drunk could be a disaster in the making.

Gosh you seem to be cursed. I’ve been on many hundreds of flights and never an incident.

As someone who was abused as a child, I would have lost my fucking mind, I'm shaking with adrenaline having only read what happened, never mind being there; but you reacted much, much more sensibly. I would though do everything in my power to try and get him held to account in any way I could, even though the chances of getting anywhere are slim. Absolute scum.

What a nightmare, what nasty pricks.

I think you need to distinguish two things. One is how you can chase up whizzair and/or the police. Some good suggestions up thread.

But stopping yourself replaying the scene and losing the feeling of violation may be a separate issue. And it's hard to advise on. I'd curse and listen to some dark music. And talk to friends. Hope you find something that works.

I honestly would have made a huge fucking scene about this and really drawn attention to them.