AIBU to still feel shaken after drunk men made vile comments on Wizz Air flight?

[morello1]

I think I need a bit of a mum hug, because I keep wanting to cry about something that happened on a flight recently.

I was with my DD9 and there were three very drunk men I'd say early 30s sitting behind her. They'd moved seats during the flight and had been drinking heavily, getting louder and more obnoxious as the flight went on - really vile stuff. She had head phones on so I thought don't start a scene just ignore and get off.

Towards the end though you have to put away devices and as we were standing to get off I pointed at my DD and gave them a pleading sort of look, just so they realised there was a child sitting in front of them. I didn't confront them just guestured.
One of them put his hand on my arm said, “You're right, it's not funny. sorry love”
The other then said grinning:
“It is funny if I rape the fucking kid.”
The first one immediately said he'd gone too far using the “R word”, and they all laughed.

I was completely stunned. I didn't know what to say. I just wanted to get my daughter away from them, so I got her off the plane as quickly as I could. I told the staff as I was leaving that I needed to make a complaint and I was crying at that point but the staff were kids and just looked at me blankly I wanted to get my DD as far away from them as poss as quickly as poss

back in england I've reported it to the police. They initially seemed to take it very seriously, particularly because these were three drunk men on a flight making an explicit comment about a child. I've got a crime reference number and the airport police have contacted Wizz Air.
It seems to be difficult to identify the men because they'd moved seats during the flight, and the police are having difficulty getting the booking/payment details relating to the seat changes. They haven't said it's closed, but I have a new officer who gives the impression they were trying to manage my expectations.

I've also complained to Wizz Air and, despite sending everything they've asked for and chasing them twice, they've basically not responded. ZERO.

And now I don't know whether I should just leave it.
I keep thinking I should have done something differently. Got the cabin crew details. Confronted them. Made more of a fuss. But honestly, I was shocked and my only thought was getting my DD away from them and fast.

I know I've reported it and I've done what I can. But I can't seem to stop replaying it.
How do you actually move on from something like this? Would you keep pursuing it, or would you draw a line under it and try to forget about it?
I think I just need some mums to tell me I'm not being ridiculous for still being really really upset about it.

May be worth a complaint to the airline, but I am not sure where you will get with it. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your DD. Similar things happened to me when mine were little, over 2 decades ago. AND I got nasty things said to me too by drunk men when I was young/a teen - 40-ish years ago. And it's so horrible. How flippin' depressing that it never stops. Hope you and your DD are OK. (((((HUGS!)))))

If it escalates the air crew staff has the responsibility to sort it. They are trained for this.

The staff won't remember this incident weeks after it happened as it was only a remark on the way out.

Makes you despair. I would be so sad and angry in your shoes, just a virtual hug. Whoever passes this off as 'drunken banter' need to remember men aided and abetted by other men have committed the most awful atrocities towards women and girls and sometimes I worry that only a thin veneer of 'civilization' stops it. I hope these excuses for human beings get their comeuppance in one form or another. They probably have wives and daughters of their own.

The number of cameras at an airport and they can’t identify them… bull (from the police)

This is Whizz Air, probably the lowest of the low budget airlines, not likely to be remotely concerned as long as the staff manage to sell a lot of beer.

That's not much comfort if it turns physical with 3 big men in the air.

I’m so sorry you had to go through this that’s horrible.

they will absolutely be able to identify them, there are only so many passengers on the flight. Wizzair are being useless

as if there is not the means to identify passengers, what would happen were there a crash

Seat plans might be of limited use post an accident and aren't generally relied upon 100% because people can move around in flight...

Anyhow as for this event goes a lot of detailed info doesn't get retained long after flight completion, and in some countries there are restrictions on holding detailed data in systems just in case it might be useful.

I guess it's possible Wizz or someone might still have a basic list of those onboard, but it's also entirely possible they might not have retained a detailed seating plan.

Omg that is so awful. How vile. What the hell is wrong with men. I completely despair. I'm so so sorry that happened to you. I think you handled it well and I dont think there's anything else you could have done given your daughter was there.

I think you keep pursuing it, that's all you can do.

Well done for protecting your daughter. I am honestly shocked. Did any other passengers hear?

Why did you not complain about their behaviour to cabin crew whilst in the air though? They were vile by the sounds of it, but I wonder why you were crying? That sounds a bit extreme. It’s not something I would complain to the police about - what crime do you think they committed - being obnoxious?

I’d have done the same as you @morello1 try and get out of there assuming that the airline would know who they were.

wizz air sound anything but…also hoping it gets picked up, it’s vile.

OP their behaviour was appalling, I'm so sorry that happened to you. Some vile men like to make rape 'jokes' as a power play and its a really nasty thing to do. I don't blame you for still being upset 💐

I don't know why OP is getting bashed for referring to the cabin crew as kids - she was speaking about her experience, not describing all cabin crew! It sounds like they were young and inexperienced and did not step in when they ought to have done - if the men were drunk and rowdy that will have been very obvious and isn't up to the OP to report it before anything is done. Cheapo airlines have a lower age limit of 18 for cabin crew so they could have been teenagers.

I think OPs point its that they seemed very young and inexperienced, which exacerbated the whole awful situation for her - she needed an authority figure to lean on and they didn't provide that.

If they can't control rowdy passengers, that is dangerous.

Sounds like the cabin crew should not have served them so much alcohol and maybe that's the angle to take with any complaint as that's a concrete action they could have taken but didn't, and is potentially serious.

Is it worth asking on social media if anyone else was on the flight / witnessed anything?

Just coming on to say I wouldn't have had a clue at the time how to handle this situation. It's nothing I can imagine having to handle. In hindsight, if nothing was going to come from it in terms if consequences, then making sure the impact on your daughter was as minimal as possible was the best outcome.

I wonder what those men would feel if it was their little sister or daughter in that situation.

OP, everyone on here understandably wants you to pursue it as they don't want the guy that get away with it .... But you do need to think about the impact on your own mental health. It's worrying that you keep replaying it in your head and feel it's impossible to move on, as ultimately, disgusting though his comment was, nobody was actually physically harmed.

I suggest maybe talking to a counsellor, seeing what they suggest? As you do, ultimately, need to move on from this event.

She was crying because she was being intimidated by a bunch of drunk men, who were laughing about raping her daughter!

You don't know her personal history and whether she's been a victim of sexual assault in the past.

It doesn't matter that you wouldn't have cried, we're all different.

She said she tried to speak to the cabin crew but they didn't respond and she just wanted to get her child out of a horrible situation.

Why are you blaming the victim?

I would absolutely do this.

It doesn't need to be explicit. But post the flight details, your seat and that the police are investigating a serious incident and any footage of the 3 men behind you or details would help.

Absolute vile scumbags though.

I’m sure steward/ stewardess were aware of behaviour and language without op having to have a discreet word with them. I imagine if the staff were young, as op says, they were themselves intimidated.

I hope enough people complain about and escalate similar situations so alcohol stops being served on flights altogether and drunken people are not allowed on.

Do shut up. Some people are just dicks are they? I’ve unfortunately encountered some very nasty characters in my time, non of which have made remarks about raping children. What sort of scum do you surround yourself with that has desensitised you to this language?

You sound like a simple person, think beyond what this behaviour implies. If he can make such a remark on a crowded plane to a mother infront of many witnesses, what do you think he’s capable of in private?

The police most likely won’t have much grounds to take action, but that doesn’t mean his behaviour should go unchallenged completely.

Leave it to the staff to sort. Raise the issue with them and let them deal with it.

. Cheapo airlines have a lower age limit of 18 for cabin crew so they could have been teenagers.

I know Wizz have a reputation but It's not just "cheapos" that recruit 18 year old.. quite a few of the legacy airlines do the same.

In any event this is starting to sound like this might be turning into another Cabin Crew bashing thread without good reason (second one in a few days)...

If the Cabin Crew had been informed by the OP of the vile behaviour and refused to intervene then some of the complaints here might be justified.....but as far as I can work out they weren't.

Get on social media and make a fuss, if you’re lucky a paper will pick it up and the airline will feel forced to do something. The police will do fuck all and the airline clearly won’t care unless they receive bad publicity. The men were gross, drunk people shouldn’t be allowed on flights.

Put it on social media platforms, make an anonymous account, tag the airline, describe the men, flight times, destination etc, it wil be shared and people will recognise them and the airline may well respond this way

Crossed post, great minds 🙌

Alcohol shouldn't be allowed on flights period. It infuriates me that in 2026 they still bloody allow it!
Disgusting behaviour by these pathetic excuses for men op.