AIBU to still feel shaken after drunk men made vile comments on Wizz Air flight?

[morello1]

I think I need a bit of a mum hug, because I keep wanting to cry about something that happened on a flight recently.

I was with my DD9 and there were three very drunk men I'd say early 30s sitting behind her. They'd moved seats during the flight and had been drinking heavily, getting louder and more obnoxious as the flight went on - really vile stuff. She had head phones on so I thought don't start a scene just ignore and get off.

Towards the end though you have to put away devices and as we were standing to get off I pointed at my DD and gave them a pleading sort of look, just so they realised there was a child sitting in front of them. I didn't confront them just guestured.
One of them put his hand on my arm said, “You're right, it's not funny. sorry love”
The other then said grinning:
“It is funny if I rape the fucking kid.”
The first one immediately said he'd gone too far using the “R word”, and they all laughed.

I was completely stunned. I didn't know what to say. I just wanted to get my daughter away from them, so I got her off the plane as quickly as I could. I told the staff as I was leaving that I needed to make a complaint and I was crying at that point but the staff were kids and just looked at me blankly I wanted to get my DD as far away from them as poss as quickly as poss

back in england I've reported it to the police. They initially seemed to take it very seriously, particularly because these were three drunk men on a flight making an explicit comment about a child. I've got a crime reference number and the airport police have contacted Wizz Air.
It seems to be difficult to identify the men because they'd moved seats during the flight, and the police are having difficulty getting the booking/payment details relating to the seat changes. They haven't said it's closed, but I have a new officer who gives the impression they were trying to manage my expectations.

I've also complained to Wizz Air and, despite sending everything they've asked for and chasing them twice, they've basically not responded. ZERO.

And now I don't know whether I should just leave it.
I keep thinking I should have done something differently. Got the cabin crew details. Confronted them. Made more of a fuss. But honestly, I was shocked and my only thought was getting my DD away from them and fast.

I know I've reported it and I've done what I can. But I can't seem to stop replaying it.
How do you actually move on from something like this? Would you keep pursuing it, or would you draw a line under it and try to forget about it?
I think I just need some mums to tell me I'm not being ridiculous for still being really really upset about it.

God that’s awful and you’ve done the right thing in reporting it to the police and the airline. Hopefully something will come of it. As someone who’s niece is cabin crew (for a different airline ) you are being unreasonable though in referring to the staff as kids.

@morello1 try these

I would expect them to act if you had said something during the flight. You didn't.

Really sorry OP that this happened to you and your DD. I think you dealt with it very well in the circumstances and I’m not at all surprised you are still very upset. I don’t think it is something you can just let go.

I’m surprised (well not really) that the police seem unlikely to be able to do anything. I would have thought moved seats or not these men should be quite easy to track down. I’d probably try and make it clear that you don’t want your expectations managed - you want the police to do their job.

Thanks for highlighting that Wizz Air have allowed this to happen to a mum
and a 9 year old on one of their flights and now appear to be doing nothing about it. I certainly won’t be flying with them. And yes the crew should definitely have noticed and done something about 3 drunk men using vile language on a flight.

But at this point there'd be no evidence of what was said, no evidence of how drunk they were. It's all just hearsay.

OP says the staff were "all kids" but they wouldn't have been. And they also would have received training on how to deal with these situations. There is also a captain on board.

There would have been no need for the OP to make a fuss on the flight, she could have approached the cabin crew discreetly. And whilst I do agree that your best interest was to get the child out of the situation quickly, it seems obvious there is little that can be done about it once everyone has gone. Even reporting to the ground staff would have been better than waiting until you arrived home.

I believe airlines should be banned from supplying alcohol, on certain flights at least, because some men people clearly can't be grown up enough to handle it for a couple of hours, but I think being so upset about it for a long time afterwards is a bit over the top.

Edit to add - I don't think you're wrong to complain about it to the airline, but I don't see what action they can take against specific people at this stage.

As awful as it is and I would love nothing more for them to get karma the reality is, its your word against theres. If it ever happens again create a big scene then at least you have more witnesses

You absolutely did the right thing at the time.

I wouldn’t be ok with it either!

That's so vile OP, and I'm sorry it happened to you.

Unfortunately, standards of behaviour on aeroplanes seems to be declining rapidly. Something really needs to be done about it- flight bans, removal of passport, large fines etc.

Well some for reporting it. Maybe write to your MP as well.

It’s so easy reading this for us all to say we would have said or done something differentlyZ I would have reacted the same as you and just wanted to get them away safely and then report. I would have felt scared for us both.

I'm afraid I agree.

Unless the flight was very recent any seating plan or passenger list, if relevant, if Wizz even use them, will almost certainly have been shredded by now.

The cabin crew on this flight will have probably been one of many recent sectors....they won't remember every interaction they've had with the public...

TBH I agree with the thought that you might at best get a generic reply but odds are not much more than that.

Yes I would. They have a duty of care to you and your daughter while you are on their flight. I would find out the Chief Executive’s name and email them, if that doesn’t work, go on social media and shame them. What an appalling thing for you and your daughter to hear.

It's word against word raising it after the flight. I can't see anyone doing a lot tbh.

I'm not sure why you describe the flight attendants as 'kids', they aren't that young, have had training including on safeguarding and passenger management, they are unlikely to be under mid-twenties?

This sounds awful apart from that, although I fear everyone is right this won't go anywhere unless you start making a fuss on social mediaX/writing to the CEO which you may not want to do.

These passengers will say "it didn't happen"! And they will. What can tje airline or police do?
It should have been dealt with then it happened. On the spot.

I wouldn't expect anything from Wizz Air. I chased them for months to get my money back after they cancelled our flight at the last minute. They never paid up.

Yes, this. What the actual fuck? Vile specimen.

Wizz are absolutely useless and don't care about anything except taking the passengers' money so I wouldn't expect anything from them but report the whole thing to the aviation ombudsman, especially the fact the Wizz staff continued to serve already drunk men.

I don't think you should leave it. I am not sure if the CAA or Ombudsman are the next steps as if there is not the means to identify passengers, what would happen were there a crash? At the very least let your MP know, assuming it's someone worth dealing with and not a Reform or other misogynist.

Dreadful comment. I would have quietly told cabin crew and asked them how they intended to handle the situation. I would also have written to Wizz Air about their policy on selling alcohol and their responsibility to create an environment that is pleasant for all customers, including children. I would not have been upset in the least but I would have been angry, because women have to deal with this kind of rubbish too often and it's such a waste of energy.

This is the first thread I’ve ever seen on here that I hope gets picked up by the mainstream press.

What a horrible experience for you OP.

A huge well done for pursuing this. You handled it as well as anyone can at the time, so dont overthink your actions.

It is amazing how easily we can blame alcohol and dismiss things. I had a drunk guy keep putting his hand back to grope me on a flight and was so grateful to the older women I was sat next to for pushing his hand away and sandwiching me between them as we got off as he tried to stand next to me. Im confident enough now to deal with that but wasn't at that point and just froze, blaming myself for if i had smiled in response to him as I got on the plane. Actually, decent men dont behave like that when drunk or sober.

I would take it as far as you can for those without the confidence or voice to, and to show your ten year old that it isnt acceptable.

Yeah, me too. I would not have been able to keep my mouth shut if a man said that about my dd. Not a chance

I feel the same. If OP was minded to do so, she could target eg FeMail (sorry, the dreadful DM) and see if they would front a campaign persuading airlines to sell alcohol responsibly.

Sending big mumsy hugs to you! I think you need to show your daughter the right way to act in this situation. Don't let this drop, but remain calm and dogged. Don't let her think this is acceptable and that you'll give up trying to protect her. It's awful and you shouldn't have to, and I'm sorry that you faced this.

Hi OP,
I can relate to some extent.
I was travelling on a train with my son (16 years) when some awful druggie started shouting at his mate "I'm gonna knock you out and knock out everyone on this train" - a claim he repeated several times. Complete silence in the carriage from all other travellers.

When he got off the train I asked other travellers what station it was he got off at and reported the incident online to the British Transport Police as well as my fear for anyone at the station he got off at. The form was long and repetitive and I realised not really geared towards making an emergency report.

I heard from the Transport Police after a few days to say there would be no evidence/no ability to identify the person but they would record it for statistical purposes.

I thought this was pretty poor as I would expect that there would be CCTV at the station if not on the train and the guy had tattoos right up his neck and head so pretty identifiable.

Anyway we lived to tell the tale but given the same circumstances I would put my phone on silent and try to discreetly record the man - at least his voice if not his image. (Obviously don't do this if you would put yourself at risk). I also believe it is possible to contact 999 by text if you have registered for this service in advance (no good on a plane of course). I think this would have been useful for me as no way could I have verbally phoned the police as the guy would have smacked me I'm sure. The transport police should offer this as it's hard to phone up about someone you are stuck with.

In hindsight you should probably have told cabin crew as the guys were committing an offence being drunk and abusive on an aircraft. However you don't know how that would have worked out and it could have escalated things. I know it is hard as you are rightly angry but your actions did help to make sure you, your daughter and other members of the public landed safely. I understand you will be fuming if there is no consequence for those men.

It's a shame you don't have video. The aggressor in my case was a hopeless druggie but it sounds like the men in your case would have jobs and families to make them ashamed of their behaviour.

Let yourself process what happened and be kind to yourself. Sometimes there isn't a right answer.

Edit to add - if they cant/won't track down the men then complaining and asking for action aken on the excessive sale of alcohol would be something.