AIBU to still feel shaken after drunk men made vile comments on Wizz Air flight?

[morello1]

I think I need a bit of a mum hug, because I keep wanting to cry about something that happened on a flight recently.

I was with my DD9 and there were three very drunk men I'd say early 30s sitting behind her. They'd moved seats during the flight and had been drinking heavily, getting louder and more obnoxious as the flight went on - really vile stuff. She had head phones on so I thought don't start a scene just ignore and get off.

Towards the end though you have to put away devices and as we were standing to get off I pointed at my DD and gave them a pleading sort of look, just so they realised there was a child sitting in front of them. I didn't confront them just guestured.
One of them put his hand on my arm said, “You're right, it's not funny. sorry love”
The other then said grinning:
“It is funny if I rape the fucking kid.”
The first one immediately said he'd gone too far using the “R word”, and they all laughed.

I was completely stunned. I didn't know what to say. I just wanted to get my daughter away from them, so I got her off the plane as quickly as I could. I told the staff as I was leaving that I needed to make a complaint and I was crying at that point but the staff were kids and just looked at me blankly I wanted to get my DD as far away from them as poss as quickly as poss

back in england I've reported it to the police. They initially seemed to take it very seriously, particularly because these were three drunk men on a flight making an explicit comment about a child. I've got a crime reference number and the airport police have contacted Wizz Air.
It seems to be difficult to identify the men because they'd moved seats during the flight, and the police are having difficulty getting the booking/payment details relating to the seat changes. They haven't said it's closed, but I have a new officer who gives the impression they were trying to manage my expectations.

I've also complained to Wizz Air and, despite sending everything they've asked for and chasing them twice, they've basically not responded. ZERO.

And now I don't know whether I should just leave it.
I keep thinking I should have done something differently. Got the cabin crew details. Confronted them. Made more of a fuss. But honestly, I was shocked and my only thought was getting my DD away from them and fast.

I know I've reported it and I've done what I can. But I can't seem to stop replaying it.
How do you actually move on from something like this? Would you keep pursuing it, or would you draw a line under it and try to forget about it?
I think I just need some mums to tell me I'm not being ridiculous for still being really really upset about it.

You just need to move on. Some people are dicks 🤷‍♀️

I mean I wouldn't have reacted how you did. I would have VERY loudly asked him to repeat what he just said, I would have made it into a thing, I wouldn't have been able to help myself. I would have asked him if it was a threat and I would have ask cabin crew to call security.

I'm not saying this is right, I just know that is how I would have reacted.

However, you can't go back and change it. I know it's difficult but you need to try to move on now.

What a vile thing to say. I do think that you have done as much as you can in this situation. Maybe ask the officer could they put a note on the file asking someone to contact you if there is an update and then try and move on.

wouldn't you want the airline to respond at all? they had served them 5 beers each during the flight when they were obviously already drunk which is an offence.

short flight to europe I should add

You did the right thing getting your child off the flight as making a scene on the flight could have been more traumatic for her. You also did the right thing reporting it to the police. Ofc they can find them even if they changed seat. Lots of people are drunk and rowdy without threatening to rape children. I bloody hope they take it very seriously.

Given that rapists get congratulated for behaving well in court and more or less sent away with a pizza and a handshake, I think you’re on a road to nowhere with this one.

Horrible horrible experience and disgusting airline behaviour to seat them together and allow them to get drunk.
So sorry this happened to you.

I wouldn’t be ‘moving on’ I’d be making it my mission to have this cunt identified and made to justify his actions. I’d want his mother, his girlfriend and his employers to know what a vile piece of shit he was.
Its all very well people saying they would have made a scene, but if your kid is there and you don’t want to escalate the threat of violence from a drunk piece of shit, you might well bite your tongue.

that was my instinct too but protecting my dd and getting them far away from them as possible was my goal at that point while trying to keep her as oblivious as possible to it all - I didn't really want to pick a fight with 3 tall drunk men in a confined space. it was a judgment call.

Sorry you had to go through this. I think a discreet word with the steward or stewardess would have been a good move if you ever come across this kind of behaviour again.

That is vile. I think you did the right thing, I wouldn't be getting into an argument with 3 drunken men infront of my child in an enclosed space.

I'd be writing to the CEO of wizz air to tell them how their staff served alcohol to people who were already drunk and aggressive, which is surely against regs, how they can't seem to trace people on different parts of the plane which is surely against regs (to identify people in an accident), and how the staff on the ground didn't offer any help at all, and how you've not even had the courtesy of a response.

How horrible and distressing for you. I would also be extremely angry.

It's always easy to say thing in retrospect and it's not easy but I think you should have been more robust with them at the time. Arseholes like this assume women are weak and stupid and will pander to this in order to keep the peace. You should probably have reported them to a flight attendant and pointed out that they were making people (including your DD) uncomfortable. I appreciate this takes a bit of guts though and would have made the flight difficult.

The only other thing you could do is write to the airline and ask them to review their policy about serving alcohol. And maybe put this on social media to force the issue.

I'm sorry you and your DD had to go through this. It's genuinely disgusting (and the word is grossly overused but in this case its absolutely right).

And this...

I'd be writing to the CEO of wizz air to tell them how their staff served alcohol to people who were already drunk and aggressive, which is surely against regs, how they can't seem to trace people on different parts of the plane which is surely against regs (to identify people in an accident), and how the staff on the ground didn't offer any help at all, and how you've not even had the courtesy of a response.

None of us know how we’d react in the moment. I think you should push Wizz Air further but you might have to give up. Perhaps a formal complaint to them about the failure to act at the time and later.

I am not sure the airline are going to respond to you now that it is a Police matter. Also they will be very careful if they do reply in case you decide to sue for something like mental distress etc (I am not suggesting you would or that you have a case to do so). The most they would say is that they have your complaint and will be investigating and then you will hear no more.

I would have. I wouldn't have been able to help myself.

Didn't say it was the right thing to do.

I wouldn't have bitten my tongue as I am very reactive. So... I DO. KNOW. what I would have done, as that is what I am like.

Yet again, not saying it would have been the right thing to do.

How do you think this could happen? I don’t disagree at all that he should be held accountable and be publically known.. but how could that ever happen ?

No, they made comments about raping a young child. Joke or not it's not funny.

That was egregious behaviour from three grown men and I very much doubt that the airline will have much difficulty identifying them.

Five beers each?

crikey! That cant be legal

I get it, I don't always react the best way in those sorts of situations. I was just saying how I would have reacted.

I don't see how you can take it any further as you've done all the right steps. How could you pursue it further? if you can, do, obviously.

Absolutely. At this stage I would target the airline, to be honest. If you use the big digital media platforms I would put it on there detailing what happened and warning parents that this airline continues to serve alcohol to very drunk men who behave like this.

Do Wizz air respond on Twitter? I’d be tweeting and also contacting Jess Phillips and your MP.

You did the right thing by not making a big deal at the time. Hopefully your daughter didn’t really notice or hear

Being on an aeroplane makes you and everybody else vulnerable but I wish there were consequences for men like this and they definitely shouldn’t have been served alcohol. Vile humans

Sorry that this has happened and I hope the police are taking it seriously. I think with hindsight, though, when dealing with ( drunk ?) idiots such as these men it may have been better if you'd been firmer ..Told them to watch their language or lower their voices or you were going to call the flight attendant, something like that. No help to you now though. Hope you hear back from the police soon..

Thank you for reporting this to the police. This was just words, but we know men use flights to abuse women in multiple ways. The more evidence on this issue the better.

The reality is that you aren’t going to get satisfaction in this. At most you will get a brief statement from the airline saying they will review policy or training.

Reporting is about the best you can do, but that is still valuable.