Daughter left to get hotel in reading on last day of festival by my husband who can’t be arsed to pick her up. Says I am being hysterical that I don’t think that is the best answer.

[mylot]

So dd 17 just casually told us she wants picking up from Reading festival with a few others at 1am. I was going to go but not super comfortable lone driving in the wee hours knowing I might be waiting around a bit in a car park somewhere (you know what they are like with answering phones) DH offered to go. Then having looked at the mass exodus traffic situation, he says he can’t be arsed and thinks booking her a hotel in the centre of town is a better idea. I said no, anyway, what about her mates. Regardless, she’d be wandering around on her own post festival in a strange town at 1am. He said I was being weird for having a problem with that, no one else would say that. I said ‘Um. I grew up as a woman…’ he said ‘ No other woman I know would ever say that to me.’ Bearing in mind he is in the middle of an emotional affair with someone 20 years younger at work. AIBU to think that some of you would rather go get her (it’s a hour) than have her abandoned in a strange town?

Can't she get a train? Into London then back out to wherever you are that's what we used to do (sometimes carnival as a detour!) , other than when we hired a mini bus a couple of times and then when I got into workers beer and got staff camping I could drive in

This isn’t the case here though - she’s not unsafe or not enjoying it - she just wants to stay later and get picked up in the middle of the night when it suits her. This isn’t an emergency and the lift home should be planned and scheduled.

@BananaPeels it’s one thing for your child to need you, but it’s another thing for your child to need for in 7 hours time, once they’ve drunk some more beer and watched a few more bands…. It kind of diminishes the sense of urgency!

Your husband is having an emotional affair with someone 20 years younger, and won’t go pick up his 17 year old when she is clearly in a vulnerable situation? This man has weird ideas about what is appropriate at what age.

I wouldn’t give her an earful. Because next time she may not elect to call you, she may take a more risky decision. I would pick either of mine up at any time of night at any location in the UK that I could drive to.

That sounds very noble but you can't keep your child safe simply by being a doormat. Just dropping everything and jumping into the car without a murmur each time they fail to plan a safe way home isn't going to encourage them to keep themselves safe, it just absolves them of responsibility and agency- the opposite of good parenting.

You will struggle to find somewhere as busy at midday as you will at 1am in Reading on the August Bank Holiday weekend.

You lock the doors, wack up the radio and don't make eye contact with weirdos.

Much like you would on the M6 in a traffic jam.

Its Reading.

Normal rules gets suspended.

If something off HAS happened, you don't want to take that risk.

It could easily be one of the mates being a dick and she's had enough rather than her putting herself at risk.

This.
And he knows you have PTSD...

I thought his comments a deliberately dense put down, in order to avoid driving.

However, I think you will be OK going to the car park and you are completely correct about not leaving her wandering around Reading at 1.00 am looking for an unavailable hotel room.

She's 17, she's still learning and what she's learning now is that its important to make sure you have a way to get home, that is not just ringing your mum every time, and she will do better next time.
I would have picked up one of my DC, just like you, in the same circumstances. You sound like a lovely mum x Hope it all goes smoothly

I wouldn't like it but then again I wouldn't be fussed on driving at 1am and waiting in a car park. I'd sooner that than dd walking the streets finding her hotel. I've done many late pick ups for the older ones , some planned some not so much and had calls at 2am when they can't get a taxi , no hesitation. We live in a fucked up world and I'd sooner know they're safe.

If something had happened or shed had enough then she'd be asking to be collected early, not at 1am.

If she had no other way to get home I would of course go and collect her but not if her agreed lift actually goes at 10pm and she wants to hang out a bit longer.

We have teens and have had to pick them all up earlier - I would much rather they called, especially as she might be quite scared, things can be full on, and she has had enough. I would go and collect her, if my dh wouldn't, and would bring the time forward to 10pm. You could go together?

You can use the car park, you can pay to get in and meet her at the entrance from the car park which is easier for you. Be sure you give her clear instructions, as the signal barely works.

Tell your to re-erect her tent and sleep there till tomorrow morning. Then either you or husband go and collect her or she catches a train home! Personally can't understand why you find driving tonight 'unsafe'. Lock the doors have your phone with you - the carpark will probably be full of other indulgent parents. Surely all this is a rite of passage of attending festivals and making your own arrangements as teenagers ?

She is asking to be picked up at 1am - she’s not scared or having a bad time, it’s not an emergency. She’s not ‘had enough’ or she’d be happy to be picked up now!

We need to distinguish here between a last minute SOS call and a teenager being demanding, flaky and changing plans - expecting the parents to be like a taxi service!

By all means collect her but not at 1am!!

And anyone seriously saying they would leave their dc to ride it out at Reading are properly insane, and obv know nothing about it. Reading really descends into something bordering anarchy towards the end, setting fire to tents etc etc. Do not leave them if they have asked to come home!

They can come home! Just not at 1am. And if it’s that bad and feral then coming home at 11pm rather than 1am
is surely preferable.

She is also negotiating with her friends, whom might be insisting on watching tonight's line up/or other reasons we can not know as to why this time was suggested. I am sure op can simply bring the time forward.

Of course I would go for them if they wanted to come home know. But telling me they want picked up at 1am? Not a chance. I'd be telling them I'd be there in an hour if they wanted a lift but I'm not waiting until 1.00am

I would probably agree 11pm, or she stays for the night. It is unfair for op to be so exhausted collecting so late, and not especially safe.

Good Lord!
There are some very odd answers on this thread!
I wouldn't actually allow a 16 yr old to go to Reading, or Leeds because I wouldn't expect them to be able to react appropriately in an emergency. I would certainly pick up a 17 yr old and wouldn't expect her to find her own way around a town centre that she doesn't know well in the very early hours of the morning.
I went to my 1st Festival aged 17, a friend's father provided transport there and back. The next year, a parent took us, we camped there and made our own way back on the 'official' coaches.
Even years later, after I bought my own house, if my car broke down at any time, I knew I could ring my Dad and he would come and rescue me. Just as he knew that if he needed help, he only had to ring me.

I simply cannot get my head round a DF who is prepared to leave his daughter to who knows what fate amongst a huge crowd of drunken, drugged up louts, miles from home, regardless of how he feels about the mother.

I’m a bit mystified by the number of posters asking ‘Why does she want picking up at 1am?’ when the answer is obvious. Look out of your nearest window. The weather is shit but Princess wants to enjoy the full evening at Reading without the discomfort of a night in a wet and wind blown tent.
Well, tough. Either leave at a civilised hour if it’s that ghastly, or suck it up as part of the British festival experience and get picked up tomorrow.

What emergency? Rescuing from what?
She's been camping for the last 3 days with her friends, she can camp for a few more hours so her parents don't have to queue in their cars for hours...

And there is someone with no experience whatsoever of Reading! I think you will find there is a little more to it than 3 days of 'camping'!! 🙄

Reading is probably safer than Reading festival. It is a safe town with a low crime rate. If you were ok with her going to Reading festival this does seem a little odd. When I was 16, I was exposed to drugs, drink and questionable sex at Reading festival. Reading town centre was always pretty tame.