Daughter left to get hotel in reading on last day of festival by my husband who can’t be arsed to pick her up. Says I am being hysterical that I don’t think that is the best answer.

[mylot]

So dd 17 just casually told us she wants picking up from Reading festival with a few others at 1am. I was going to go but not super comfortable lone driving in the wee hours knowing I might be waiting around a bit in a car park somewhere (you know what they are like with answering phones) DH offered to go. Then having looked at the mass exodus traffic situation, he says he can’t be arsed and thinks booking her a hotel in the centre of town is a better idea. I said no, anyway, what about her mates. Regardless, she’d be wandering around on her own post festival in a strange town at 1am. He said I was being weird for having a problem with that, no one else would say that. I said ‘Um. I grew up as a woman…’ he said ‘ No other woman I know would ever say that to me.’ Bearing in mind he is in the middle of an emotional affair with someone 20 years younger at work. AIBU to think that some of you would rather go get her (it’s a hour) than have her abandoned in a strange town?

I only have a problem going alone as I have ptsd, I can actually do it, I just don’t feel comfortable. You’re right it will probably be busy. I am working on an earlier departure with her. She did have a lift but seems to have fallen through. Communication is thin whilst she is there.

I would get her myself, you won't be the only one waiting and just keep the car locked.

Your husband does sound unreasonable with his suggestion of a hotel.

But why have her plans changed?

You're all BU.

DD is a CF.

If DH's reason is that he can't be arsed, he's a lazy sod.

You are just as bad, should have put got your big girl pants on and gone if you'd wanted her collected.

i Have to say I’d be reluctant to do this purely on the basis that she seems to have a lift but wants to stay longer/whatever and while I will pick up in an emergency this doesn’t strike me as an emergency.

You go and get her, stop being a wuss.

I would go and get her myself. I don’t mind driving alone I just stick the radio on. It’ll be busy there tonight anyway

Yeh, have never posted in here before. Blimey. Guess I’ll get my big girl pants on then. Thanks to those that weren’t coming in quite as strong. Lesson learned.

I'd go and pick her up . You would feel awful if something happened to her

You get her OP. If you are that worried you'll put your anxiety to the side for her.

Why doesn’t she just stay until morning, that’s what my dd did. Or doesn’t she have a camping ticket? If the latter then she should have asked about a lift prior to booking, I’d have been livid - my rule was if you are mature enough to do these things you get yourself home, harsh but meant they planned ahead including begging for a lift before the day

I’d be telling my dc I’ll pick them up at 10am

1am though… if you’re going to pick her up then go earlier as a compromise? My DD had a choice… camp til morning or miss kneecap and get a lift. She chose the lift.

If a hotel room is available, that's the option I'd prefer as both the teenager and the parent! I think you're laying it on a bit thick with the, "I grew up as a woman..." line. If another child's parent was planning to drive several kids home, what happened to that plan? Why are they no longer giving your daughter a lift?

If the only quesiton is are you being unreasonable to think it's far too dangerous for your daughter to make her own way to a central hotel, yes, YABU.

I'd go and get her now rather than 1am!

Hotels often won’t let under 18s have a room anyway

You’re definitely not being unreasonable. The reality is that a 17 year old wondering around at 1 am is putting her safety at risk. As for his stupid comment that no other woman would see it as a dangerous situation perhaps he should start paying attention to the horrific crimes perpetrated on women although I think his comment is less ignorance on his part and more that he simply can’t be arsed to go and collect his own daughter. You’ll have to go and get her. The alternative is simply too risky. Once home, you must have a serious chat with her about planning in advance.

If she's not sticking to the original plan as she's fallen out with friends or whatever I'd absolutely go and get her. But at a more reasonable hour.

If you drive to get her can she make her way out of the car park and meet you somewhere nearby in town for instance . Or suck it up until morning . Don't think I would want to leave her there but your husband can feel otherwise about it .

I would get her but at an earlier time.

Isn't it better she asked than asking a stranger or sticking to a plan that gro.some reason hasn't worked out.
Get her home and then ask the questions

TBH I think if you won’t go you can’t expect him to

Bit unclear about how she's ended up in the situation in the first place?
But essentially you're not prepared to go and get her, yet you're having a go at him because he's not prepared to go and get her!
He's offered a solution. If you don't like that then surely you should go and get her.

I’ve done the late pick-up from Reading twice. You won’t be waiting alone; many other parents will be doing the same.

Bookings.com shows a cacophony of hotels available in Reading tonight.

Go and get her yourself surely?

YABU. We have a saying in our friend group (all parents of teenagers) - if they're old enough to go out to a place, they're old enough to get home from it. If that isn't the case - she shouldn't have gone.

Reading is no worse than anywhere else - in fact it's a lot safer, given there are adults, chaperones, security, thousands of people around and lots of transport links. She can sit it out til the trains start running at 5/6am if necessary.

Your husband's EA is of no concern here - start a different thread for that.