Daughter left to get hotel in reading on last day of festival by my husband who can’t be arsed to pick her up. Says I am being hysterical that I don’t think that is the best answer.

[mylot]

So dd 17 just casually told us she wants picking up from Reading festival with a few others at 1am. I was going to go but not super comfortable lone driving in the wee hours knowing I might be waiting around a bit in a car park somewhere (you know what they are like with answering phones) DH offered to go. Then having looked at the mass exodus traffic situation, he says he can’t be arsed and thinks booking her a hotel in the centre of town is a better idea. I said no, anyway, what about her mates. Regardless, she’d be wandering around on her own post festival in a strange town at 1am. He said I was being weird for having a problem with that, no one else would say that. I said ‘Um. I grew up as a woman…’ he said ‘ No other woman I know would ever say that to me.’ Bearing in mind he is in the middle of an emotional affair with someone 20 years younger at work. AIBU to think that some of you would rather go get her (it’s a hour) than have her abandoned in a strange town?

Can you both drive there together? Obviously will be one less space for a friend.

Collect her yourself
I’ve done it twice with mine - 2 hour drive there and back the traffic isn’t actually that bad IMO there are designated pick up car parks and I’ve found it really well organised

Your husband should go. There won't be any hotels anyway last minute but in any event I am not sure I would be happy with this. If you husband is being an arse (and his lack of concern is worrying) you will have to go and get her but if that were me, I would be very upset with him (esp given you have PTSD and are worried about going). I would also talk to your daughter to find out what went wrong with the lift and making sure her plans are bomb proof in future. I would probably also say midnight not 1am.

We had issue with open days and DS being 17 - summer born - they wouldn't let under 18 stay alone in rooms with no adult on site.

Plus would there be any rooms currently in reading.

DH can occaionally be like this a firm don't be ridiculous solves it for me but you seem to have bigger issues plus you could drive yourself to pick her up,

By I'd be concerned about safety in this situation - 17 early hours unknown city most parents I think would be.

Baby! 🤮

I think your dh’s attitude towards your dd’s safety is wrong but I also think your reasons for not driving are ridiculous.

Fuck me, what is the point of having a husband if he won't even collect his teenage daughter from what could be a risky situation?

Yes, you could do it yourself, but given that he doesn't even seem to be pulling his weight as a romantic partner to you currently, the least he could do is perform his 'dad role' properly. Any healthy man who would send female family members out in the early hours rather than go himself is a waste of space.

Check the pick up points on the festival website - my husband got a fine last year for parking in TGi Fridays.
Having heard what goes on the last night I think you’re right to go, set off in lots of time and hope she makes it up to you!

I went to Reading a number of times.

One year I went on my own, buying a ticket at the last minute and then met up with friends. I didn't take a tent. I slept in the car (this was deliberate - I have slept in a tent on my own at Glasto). I had £20 cash for the entire weekend. I spent a fiver of that on the roughest bottle of gin ever from Tesco. I am sensible and I was fine.

I happily would go out around Manchester and go to gigs in my own at 18. I wouldn't be worried about worried about walking around Reading on festival weekend at 1am.

BUT I know what Reading is like. It was not my first Rodeo.

If DS went (I live in the NW and would tell him to go to Reading over Leeds every single time due to issues with antisocial behaviour) I would pick him up. No questions asked. It's a good 3hr drive.

I wouldn't take the chance. It is not worth it.

Just get in the car and pick her up. Even if she's taking the piss.

I wouldn't be driving an hour to collect someone at 1.00am due to their poor planning. And it could be avoided even now, just by them leaving a couple of hours early.
Car doors lock, by the way.

Of course you are going to go and get her ! you gave birth to her you are not going to leave a 17 year old girl along in Reading !

It wasn't until your 4th reply did you inform us of your ptsd,

you initially said 'but not super comfortable lone driving in the wee hours '

does this mean you don't ever drive in the dark or you don't ever drive in the dark on your own or you don't ever drive for that length of time or it's the waiting in the car park that upsets you.

What happened to the lift she was going to get ? Has that parent let her down ! or has she had a falling out with the person whose parent it is
or has she decided to stay later than the lift.

Shame on her father !!! did he actually say he can't be arsed ?

But then you have bigger problems in your marriage than him not wanting to collect his daughter...

I would drive across the country at 1am to collect my child if they needed me. Because I’m their mum. They aren’t just a ‘someone’ to me!

@mylot have you sorted a pick up place? Maybe Aldi car park? I don't think you will be able to grab her right close to the festival.

Sounds like the pair of you are hopeless and your dd has inherited your lack of organisational skills.

If there is a few of them can't they split the cost of a taxi

Too right!

There's always a sort of "riot" last night of reading everyone knows. It's a bit rough and the toikets are awful the next day but if she's gone there she should be prepared for it.

I did reading at 15 with other 15& 16 yr olds so I sort of get it. It's a bit much but if she's big enough to go then she can camp the last night and get a lift when dh is ready.

It's always useful to give as much info as possible e.g that you have PTSD.
Obviously it's entirely up to you, but w/o that info then it's to be expected that people would question why you couldn't collect her yourself.
Having said that, you initially said you would go, but then decided not to and then your DH offered, so I guess the PTSD doesn't manifest itself in a way that is clear to you DH.

But the DD doesn't "need" a parent. She just wants a lift. If she was desperate to leave she'd be asking for a lift ASAP but she wants to stay and enjoy tonight just cba to camp again. Her problem is her friends are leaving and she didn't plan her exit. There will be spaces on the coaches if she asks, people alwasy leave early.

She says she has PTSD.

She should stay put, I assume her friends are stuck with her anyway.
There was already a massive traffic jam at 1pm to get into town, it's just going to get worse and worse. It took us 1.5h to cover 5 miles the one time we made the huge mistake to go across reading on the Sunday night (and that was at midnight)...

The hotel idea is not bad in theory if you can get something in town, but I doubt you'll find anything central now. Trying to get a taxi or any transport from the festival will very hard unless it's to go to the parkings/station.

Why is it up to you and your dh and not up to the mates' parents?

Your daughter just needs to be told to stay where she is. What a fuss pandering to her.

I think YABU to be faint hearted about 'driving alone' at 1am, and the car park etc - the place will be BUSY, and driving alone at 1am isn't a big deal.
I think your DH is a lazy self absorbed git.
I don't see the issue with a 17 yo getting to a hotel when town will be so busy. She won't be 'wandering around' - she will be walking 10 mins to a hotel
I am somewhat puzzled that the journey home wasn't planned in advance - and if the plan was to stay over tonight and come home tomorrow why can't she do that?

And the main issue is your DH in the middle of an emotional affair with a young women. I'd tell him to stop it or leave.

I know! My parents would have told me to do one. His friends were to blame to be honest - I think once one of them decided to go home, have a shower, get some sleep then they all followed suit. So annoying. It was after two nights and they were soaked and had had no sleep. But still.

I then became embroiled in lift sharing for them all. I was suggesting they all get the train in and out but
once one parent has done the run…it’s all been ridiculous and never again.

Anyway back to the OP. Some on here are suggesting the daughter is stranded or it’s an emergency. It’s not. Clearly her lift is probably just going a bit earlier. Unless you know what happened OP? And she wants to stay later. Just no on a Sunday night. They can leave at 11.30 or share cab between them.