Daughter left to get hotel in reading on last day of festival by my husband who can’t be arsed to pick her up. Says I am being hysterical that I don’t think that is the best answer.

[mylot]

So dd 17 just casually told us she wants picking up from Reading festival with a few others at 1am. I was going to go but not super comfortable lone driving in the wee hours knowing I might be waiting around a bit in a car park somewhere (you know what they are like with answering phones) DH offered to go. Then having looked at the mass exodus traffic situation, he says he can’t be arsed and thinks booking her a hotel in the centre of town is a better idea. I said no, anyway, what about her mates. Regardless, she’d be wandering around on her own post festival in a strange town at 1am. He said I was being weird for having a problem with that, no one else would say that. I said ‘Um. I grew up as a woman…’ he said ‘ No other woman I know would ever say that to me.’ Bearing in mind he is in the middle of an emotional affair with someone 20 years younger at work. AIBU to think that some of you would rather go get her (it’s a hour) than have her abandoned in a strange town?

@Delatron "DS was supposed to be camping and kept wanting lifts home in the morning to shower. It’s been painful."

You didn't actually do this did you? When I was a teenager I'd have been so embarrassed to call my mum in front of my peers for something like that. Apart from the fact that she'd have basically told me to get a life.

So, she's got a lift with another parent but by the sounds of it they've fallen out. Instead of getting a lift back with her mates she's wanting to leave all her camping stuff behind and get picked up at 1am?

She can make it up with her mate and stay until morning. Pick her up first thing or go and collect her tonight (but she'll miss a big chunk of the festival. She needs to grow up a bit. Going to the festival is a huge learning curve and she's been given a huge opportunity to be responsible but seems like she's not ready for that yet.

💯 this.
I’ve never been a ‘my DD is my best friend’ parent; I’m the adult she was the child and there were rules and consequences in place. However, in part due to mine and DH attitude from when she started going out and when she was at uni which was ‘if you need us we will be there, no questions no judgement’ she as a young adult describes me as one of her best friends. This is a massive compliment. It’s also meant that she’s shared what could be seen as a ‘sensitive’ medical issue with me and let me help her navigate services she needed. She’s never abused our support but she knows we are there.

I am only struck by you considering picking up DD at 1 am! That is ridiculous. 10pm at the latest is reasonable.

I suspect she still has a lift from another parent, but earlier than she wants because she wants to see a later act. Sadly, she needs to accept she can’t see that act and take the original lift.

My husband would go. May be a bit cheesed off but would always pick a child up. if you can't rely on your Dad then who can you rely on ? And yes, I'd be (reasonably) happy to go myself - before everybody piles on me and says I should go. But my husband is a gentleman, puts his family first and would just set off and sit it out. One of the many reasons I married him.

Reading can have an edge. Lots of people let their 16/17 year olds go post GCSEs but I’ve heard of lots of people actually hating it and feeling a bit unsafe. My niece ended up going home before the end of the last night and I don’t think it’s uncommon.

I really would move heaven and earth to get her. Just because it all sounds fun, doesn’t mean every teen is capable of managing a festival well or even enjoying it.

Yanbu. I picked my dad (in his 70’s!) up from a festival 6 miles from me. He said to meet him in the square at midnight which meant he walked 10 minutes alone down the road (with about 100 others in reality!)

I didn’t feel comfortable with him being a lone and he’s a 6ft3 grown arse adult!!!

He was reluctant to allow me to collect him and was going to get a taxi (-about 30 mins to home for him) but I wasn’t allowing that either!!!

It's reading festival. It's a special occasion. 10pm is way too early! The (many many) parents I know doing pick up at various points this weekend are all doing it about midnight. We've all got rotas with different parents doing different days! They go in daily by train and parents pick up at night

At 17 most of my friends had left home for universities in other cities. Is she not capable of sorting herself out?

If there is an emergency and she needs collecting then of course go. If not, could she not just camp overnight and then either you collect her tomorrow or she gets the train home?

I’m a bit confused though. Having a similarly aged child, as soon as the tickets were booked I would have made her sort out the arrangements of regarding how she was getting there and back. If I was needed at 1am then we would have planned all that in advance and had a fully worked up plan. I don’t understand how this was not all planned weeks in advance?

all of this

I picked DD up at 3:30am this morning and sat in the car on a side street for 15 mins as they inevitably took longer leaving the site than they anticipated. It was fine. There are so many people around. I imagine that it will be a lot busier at 11pm tonight as it is much earlier than I was there and it’s the last night so loads of people will be leaving

You haven’t said if your husband is her father.

Why can't they camp and be collected in the morning?

Really?! It’s risky enough for young girls nowadays. I can’t imagine not wanting to make sure my own dd is ok.

A lot of hotels won’t let an unaccompanied 17 year old check into a room.

And that can be one of the plans. However, being able to find yourself a hotel for the night, or a train home is really easy in this day and age and a 17 year old should be capable of that if they are deemed capable of taking care of themselves at a festival.

I would 100% pick my daughter up from anywhere at any time if she needs it, but I would also expect her to be able to solve problems too.

most hotels wont allow minors to stay on their own

Just spoke to my dd who is there (apparently got a last minute security job!) there’s camping until Monday lunchtime, why are parents picking up tonight, don’t understand???

The last night at Reading is notoriously rampant.

Because there are less camping tickets available than day tickets. Plus I'm not letting my 16 year old camp and neither are most of the parents who live in my area. We know the festival well and the camp sites can get quite unsafe at night for 16 year old girls. So the kids get day only tickets and the parents take it in turns to pick up car loads of kids

Exactly. And Reading Festival has a bad reputation for sexual assaults /rapes. Wasn't keen on my 16DD going at all, tbh. So op YANBU. Your DH is thoughtless.

Why didn't she pay for another night camping and arrange for collection the next morning or get the train home the next morning?