Daughter left to get hotel in reading on last day of festival by my husband who can’t be arsed to pick her up. Says I am being hysterical that I don’t think that is the best answer.

[mylot]

So dd 17 just casually told us she wants picking up from Reading festival with a few others at 1am. I was going to go but not super comfortable lone driving in the wee hours knowing I might be waiting around a bit in a car park somewhere (you know what they are like with answering phones) DH offered to go. Then having looked at the mass exodus traffic situation, he says he can’t be arsed and thinks booking her a hotel in the centre of town is a better idea. I said no, anyway, what about her mates. Regardless, she’d be wandering around on her own post festival in a strange town at 1am. He said I was being weird for having a problem with that, no one else would say that. I said ‘Um. I grew up as a woman…’ he said ‘ No other woman I know would ever say that to me.’ Bearing in mind he is in the middle of an emotional affair with someone 20 years younger at work. AIBU to think that some of you would rather go get her (it’s a hour) than have her abandoned in a strange town?

Thank you - I just wanted a vox pop to see if some would feel the same as me, regardless of having had bad experiences themselves.

Hotel was a horrible plan. I would have gotten in my car and gone to get her. my policy is that if you call, we will come.

if my husband, her father, didn’t jump in the car with me, I’m not sure I would ever see him the same way again.

On another day we will have a serious conversation. There might not be festivals or other late outings in her near future depending on what circumstances lead her to that moment. It wouldn’t be about punishment, but about what she is ready to handle.

I know. 'I want picked up miles from the house at 1 am, and I don't care what you're doing, so tough. Come and get me...bye...' The entitlement's of the scale here.

Haven’t RTFF but if my children needed me no matter where or when, I’d be there for them if they are 17 or 47!

So why can't she just get this lift as planned?

Tell her it'll be 11pm and she'll have to leave early if she wants collected. Or she can make other arrangements. Why is she calling the shots here?

Your husband is another matter. The causal way you put in he's having an affair is a bit weird. Does he know you know?

Shame her lift has fallen through!

I think I’d get your DH to go and get her a bit earlier. We are doing an 11.30 pick up from Reading as a compromise. I’m sick of the festival. We live half an hour a way and DS was supposed to be camping and kept wanting lifts home in the morning to shower. It’s been painful.

I don’t think the hotel room is the way to go. Either your DH goes (as it sounds too stressful for you) earlier or can they share a prebooked cab?

Why are you scared to go pick her up? You’re inside your car. Also, is the traffic really that bad at that time of night? I’d have thought it’d be worse tomorrow morning. No way my mum would’ve picked me up at 1 in the morning from anywhere when I was 17! Why can’t she camp? I’d tell her to suck it up and camp for another night.

Your DH is bonkers.

My plan would be she leaves earlier before the crowd and comes out to a point where you can collect her.

It is going to be incredibly difficult to get anywhere near her and the car parks are pretty full I would presume.

😂It’ll be fine. I promise she is going to get an earful and a line in the sand will be drawn.

Better idea she can stay over there.

Why did she want picking up at 1 am? Why didn't she book for another night or leave earlier?
Unless it's an emergency I would be annoyed too.
My children regularly went to festivals and never asked for a lift to get there or back. If she's old enough to go to the festival she should be old enough to be responsible to get there and back.

What happened to the lift she was getting with another parent though? You haven't explained.

My thoughts, for what they are worth:

• never mind what your dd should have done, that’s not your question
• yes, I think your dh has effectively checked out , and as so often has checked out of the whole family not just you. He’s offering ridiculous and insulting excuses
• I think you should go. Your dd may be left entirely alone if the rest of the friendship group has lifts tonight
• in an ideal world, you and your dh would go together, to keep each other company, make a bit of a jaunt out of it, and to enable one to circle with the car if necessary, while the other gets out t find dd. That’s not going to happen though

No way will there be rooms available in Reading tonight, they’ll have been booked up for months.

Personally, if my child needs me, morning or night, I’m there. I’ll deal with the poor planning etc later but my child being safe is paramount.

The tedious suburban matrons (to pinch a wonderful phrase from another thread!)are out in force today, OP!
No, you are not being unreasonable
Your husband is the problem
If he knows you have PTSD and still chose to make his shitty comments, that's even worse.
17 year olds can't book hotel rooms, so a decent father would have picked her up.
It doesn't matter why her plans changed, the fact is she would be stranded in the early hours, wtf is wrong with some people here?

My answer to this is entirely dependent on what's happened to her original plan, and is she camping or not

If shes just being cheeky, and your not happy driving at 1am tell her she can have a lift at 10pm or whenever you are happy. If there's been some disaster thats meant her lift has fallen through then Id just do the pick up at 1am, but if she has a camping ticket then Id do neither and collect her the next day.

Tbh I think if old enough to go to the festival shes old enough to navigate to a hotel or camp/public transport the next day.

If she’s old enough to go to Reading festival then she’s old enough to get to a hotel in the city centre.

But the child doesnt need her at 1am, its currently 5pm. If theres a safety issue she needs collecting now. If no safety issue then her original plan is quite relevant

There are rooms available according to Booking.com … but as she’s 17 they might not accept her.

This entire conversation is totally irrelevant if there are no hotel rooms available.

Your husband is unreasonable I wouldn't leave my daughter wandering around Reading at 1am. If she is already getting a lift back with friends what is the problem?

DD is being unreasonable. There was a lift arranged, then there wasn't? They dont need to be picked up at 1am, they can leave now and be picked up 6pm /7pm or stay another night in their tent.

I actually wouldn’t read her the riot act. I know when DD went to Leeds, they intended to stay until Monday but on the Saturday night they felt really unsafe due to people on drugs destroying tents. I was pleased she felt she could ring and I picked her and her friends up at about 3am and then took them back on the Sunday to do a day and another parent picked them up. At 17 they are still vulnerable and situations can change quickly.

At 17 she can sort herself out. Or you can go fetch her - no one’s going to kidnap or murder you in a carpark in Reading. Around festival time the whole town is heaving with people 24/7 and everywhere is pretty well lit. This whole thing is silly.