I had an affair and I want my affair partner to be discovered

[Gemitf]

Had an affair with a married man who has young children. I’m also married with young children.

Since it ended recently, he has gone back to his wife and kids and is living happily like nothing ever happened. I know his wife to say hi to as our kids are at the same school. Everytime I see her it kills me. I can’t bear knowing that he has ‘got away with it’ and hasn’t taken any accountability for his actions.

These feelings are made worse by the fact that my marriage has suffered so badly as a result. I haven’t yet told my husband, but I know I am going to have to if I want any chance of saving the marriage. I can’t continue living dishonestly for the rest of our lives. I assume he will (rightly) want to divorce me. Everything inside me wants to tell my affair partner’s wife what has happened so that he can experience the pain I am experiencing. The bitterness I am feeling is so strong. I want him to be exposed. Should I tell her?

Nobody is saying you shouldn’t tell your own husband, people are saying to look after your own business

I Suspect that he is just trying keep you sweet, if you think that you are now friends, you won’t tell his wife.

You're a grown up.
You need to get off MN, cut all contact with this bloke and have a bloody good think.

You messed up.
You need to own it and make your own decisions.
We're not here to clear up after your selfish shit show.

You’ve both got away with it. Count yourself lucky. If you don’t want to be married anymore then end it. You will be able to leave and not have a reputation as a cheater to your family.

Put your children first now and keep quiet. Imagine what they will have to put up with at school if this gets out. Count yourself lucky and work out what you want for the rest of your life. Infatuation makes people very self absorbed. You’ve been given a second chance, don’t waste it.

Since you don’t seem to care about her and admit telling her would be vindictive, why not think through the implications for you of telling her.

The school run will certainly be more lively and rest assured everyone will side with her. You will be shunned and people will not trust you in future.

I don’t know what your affair partner is like, but he also may want to get revenge on you if you tell her. That could be pretty awful.

If you don’t want your marriage to explode you will need to shut up and learn to live with the guilt. I’m sure it will get easier in time.

.

This 100pc

How many posters on here know men who would end the physical side and keep the emotional side of an affair?🤔

Surely this is just another one of the many bullshit affair threads that have been on here recently.

I know!

But didn't feel guilty when you were shagging another man, you guilt is because you got rejected, you are yet again wanting to do something to hurt others...
Stuck it up OP that's what you get for being selfish, when you and he decided to fuck each other you didn't give a tiny one about how you'd fuck up others.

Well that tells you all you need to know about his character. He’s keeping you sweet, so you don’t tell anyone, he has you where he wants you.

No wonder you can’t look at your husband aside from the physical side, sending paragraphs etc must be draining.

Block him, get therapy and focus on your family. If you can’t live with the guilt tell your husband but expect the marriage to end.

If the shoe was on the other foot would you want your husband to come clean? I know I would.

How does a mother with young kids find the time or get the opportunity for an affair - how does this stuff start I am intrigued 🤣

Inherently selfish. The only reason anyone would ever do this to their spouse and children.

You weren’t happy or you wouldn’t have had an affair. You were happy to have an affair until this man ended things. I bet if he hadn’t ended it, you’d still be continuing the affair without a thought for your husband or children. But now you’re still in an unhappy marriage with no affair partner and afraid to end your marriage because you don’t want to be without a man and have to forge your own path and deal with the aftermath of a separation.

Yup. Cheating on their children every bit as much as they are cheating on their spouse.

youre a hyprocrite scorned

Block the AP.

Get therapy.

Decide if you really still want your marriage.

Keep what happened to yourself...telling your DH and his wife purely for revenge or to assuage your own guilt is only going to achieve more pain and chaos for everyone, including all the kids involved.

I don't think that you are telling the truth here. I think that you want to tell her in the hopes that she will break up with him and he will come running to you. That probably isn't how it will go.

Say nothing to her and say nothing to your husband, you will mess up too many people's lives by doing so. Time to move on with your life and put it all behind you.

God, tell her don't tell her whatever. He'll have another fling and she'll find out sooner or later.

I'd focus on telling your dh tbh and give him chance to have a better life.

You're no better than him. If you want to save your marriage say nothing. And certainly say nothing to his wife. Think of the old saying:
Least said, soonest mended

It’s honestly what’s happening. I don’t understand it either. He seems to have deep, genuine feelings for me. But he is struggling with the guilt of the physical aspect.

You can't take the moral high ground from way down there.

So you think if you tell his wife she will leave him and then he wont have to live with this guilt that he’s struggling with and will run into your open arms and you will both live happily ever after. You wouldn’t give a thought to your husband then would you, the guilty feelings would vanish quickly,

Spouting nonsense about feeling guilty but yet continuing to engage with this man. Why don’t you block him ?

Well if he’s struggling with guilt enough to end the physical side of your affair, that suggests that he isn’t living happily guilt-free with his wife. If he was guilt-free he’d still be shagging you.

Leave his poor wife alone, she’s suffered enough.

She may already know. They may be working on their marriage.